Friday, August 17, 2007

The Midnight Prowler

No, this isn't a story of my Cat (The Fanged Terror, His Royal Highness, Prince Bagheera, Blackness Personified, Lord And Master Of All He Surveys, otherwise known as Dipshit). This is the story of what you hear on your roof and on your upper deck in the wee hours of the morning...

The story starts with Dave (that's me) being woken...

Oh, wait: WP stands for "Wifey-Poo", otherwise known as "The Most Wonderful Woman In The Entire World"; just so ya know.

4:30 am

WP "There's something on the roof."

WP "Psst, wake up. There's someone on the roof."

WP then kicks and elbows YT (yours truly, that's me).

YT "huuuhhhh, wwwhhaaa... yessssh dear... whatever you'd like..."

4:31 am

WP "I've been listening to something on the roof and the deck for a while!"

YT "... huuunnnhhhh..."

WP "Something's on the ROOF!"

YT "Ummmm, I'm not hearing anything..."

WP "Wait, you'll hear it... It sounds like feet scampering around on the deck, SHHHH!"

YT "Yes dear..."

4:40 am

YT "I'm not hearing anything... The wind is blowing and it's probably just a branch on the gutters."

WP "I KNOW what a branch sounds like! This was the sound of feet pattering about on the roof and thumping on the deck!"

--Sudden sound of CLAWS scrambling up and along the roof... pitter-patter of feet above our heads--

4:40:30 am

YT "Honey, there's something on the roof."


YT "I'm sure it's just a possum."

WP "But it could be a prowler."

4:41 am

--THUMP onto the upper deck, sound of feet scampering across the deck two feet from us--

YT "Yup, that's a four-footed critter, 10 to 20 pounds. Either a possum or a cat."

WP "Are you sure?"

YT "Do I sound that dainty when I'm on the roof cleaning the gutters?"

WP "No."

YT "So, it's not a prowler, right?"

WP "Riiiiggghhhtttt..."

4:42 am

--CLAWS scramble up the drainpipe right outside our heads, and a shadow flits outside of a window along the upper roof slates--

YT "See, just a possum, I just saw it."

WP "whimper..."

YT "Cute little bugger too."

WP "ummmmm..."

4:42:30 am

--claws and feet skimper along the roof over our heads--

YT "It's just a possum, go back to sleep."

WP "..."

YT "Look, there he is! Right outside the other window on the roof-beam."

4:43 am

--YT peels back sheets from over WPs head--

YT "See, it's just a possum. I see the arched back, the possum nose, and the foofy (oh good god, I actually SAID that word!!!!) tail."

WP "Awwww, he's cute. Look, honey! A cute ring-tail possum on our rooftop."

YT "Snore."

So, the moral to this story is... Ahhh, there isn't one.

Anyways, the new name of the clan house is "The Possum Lodge" With all due respects to Red Green, of course.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Post-Tour Hangover

Holy bicycle spokes, Batman! It's been a month since I've updated... I *think* the Post-Tour Hangover is gone now, just in time for the Rugby World Cup --WeeHoo!

See, the french have a problem: They have this big ole massive bicycle race in July, but they run it in the middle of the night! How rude is that? BTW, the Tour is watched by more people worldwide than the US Super Bowl, just in case y'all were wondering.

Back to the hangover... Oh, that is what it's called in media and fan circles: Post-Tour Hangover! At least the Super Bowl hangover goes away in a day... But WHY, oh WHY does the Tour one last for weeks? It's all about sleep schedule.

Allow me to elaborate...

SBS TV in Oz (bless their hearts!!!) carries each stage of the Tour live. They do a DAMN fine job. I have no idea what the telecast in the US is like, but it sure ain't like watching a US Olympic telecast. They show THE RACE, and only THE RACE. You want character stories and such? Well, just listen to Phil and Paul while watching the bike race. So, every night there's like 3 to 4 hours live starting anytime betwixt 10 pm and midnight. Finishing anywhere betwixt 1 and 4 am.

Now, don't get me wrong, I can stay up late partying with the best of them --*cough* 20 years ago *cough*-- But to do that for a month straight and still getting up at 6 am each morning requires a HELLUVA lot of caffeine. I think part of the Post-Tour Hangover is caffeine withdrawal.

Now, what I'd do after dinner each night, is go to bed to take a *nap* for 2 hours, then get up an hour before the telecast and follow the early action on the net --while drinking coffee. If it was a particularly exciting stage, then I'd watch the last hour a second time (just waiting for the coffee to wear off, REALLY!) and then crash sometime around 2 to 4 am. I'd be awake at 6 am (as per usual, morning person I am), and I'd spend time on all the cycling sites reading interviews and stuff about the stage.

Nap time was around 2 pm, till around 4 pm. I'd then start working on dinner for the clan.

Do you see where all this leads????? For a month straight I slept in short segments no longer than 3 hours! So now after the tour, I'd (obviously) wake up after 2 or 3 hours and be wide awake for a few hours.

However, I am FINALLY back to normal (or at least normal for me, which ain't sayin' much). The last three nights I've stayed up till 10, and haven't gotten up any earlier than 5 am. Afternoon naps only last an hour, life is good!

To sum up: I'm back! I'm normal! I'm hip! Well, you can discount those last two...

cheerios from Oz,