Fine then, BE that way!

And see if I care!

Harumph

Obviously my lame-assed attempt at audience participation udderly phailed.

Well, I've now got a pic that will pretty much guarantee comments! Would you like to see it? Of course you would:



Mmmmmmm, that makes me hungry mates! In fact, I may even may roo burgers today.

And no, roo pies are NOT like cow pies! But if you are wondering what that "type" of roo pie looks like... think moose nuggets! However, Aussies aren't crass enough to varnish em and sell em to tourists like Alaskans do! But you can get small purses that at one point in time housed a male roo's testicles.

Yes ladies, you CAN literally carry around the privates of a male! I'll bet Alaska's Worst Governor Ever would like one to keep Toady's junk in.


Next picture up is a sneak peek at a 3d seen (whoopsie, "scene"; darned tiepoes!) I'm working on. Keep in mind that every single bit of this picture is FAKE. The rocky desert landscape is FAKE. The crashed ship is FAKE (but have a squizz at the cockpit wreckage, it's great!). The steam plume from the engines is FAKE. The ship circling around is FAKE. The crappy looking engine tail glow (still working on that!) is FAKE. The clouds are FAKE.



Everything in the photo is FAKE! Which is exactly like the persona of The Creature From Lake Lucille, FAKE!


Oh, wait a sec mates! You probably can't make out the ultra cool detailing from that little pic.

Here's a much more bigger and much more better one!



Thoughts? Ideas? Snarky remarks?

A Public Service Announcement from Yours Truly!

Y'all knows that UV is bad fer ya, right? That'd be the UV radiation you get from sitting out in the sun too long, BTW. Now remember that you do want to get out in the sun regularly as you need your vitamin D, but over-exposure can be, well, bad.

Not only do ya run the risk of skin cancer, but it can make your skin look yonks (YONKS I tells ya!) older than what it really is.

Butt don't worry cuz if you're stupid enough you don't even knead to be over-exposed to the sun to get those wonderful skin problems! Tanning beds mate, tanning beds.

Hocked by hucksters to the most vain segment of society, these "beds" just bathe you in nasty UV radiation. And do you think ANYONE who uses them puts on sunblock, shirt, and a hat? What a silly question!

And there is now fotogaffic evidence of just what can happen to the skin of a "person" if she uses a tanning bed for a decade or two, consumes diet pills and Red Bull routinely and then shows up at a State Fair where anyone can see her!

Let's face it, no amount a makeup can hide THIS!





And if that "person" were to perhaps continue on this path to skin destruction, it certainly won't be long before a picture like this is taken of her:






Fortunately, I don't have any of those skin problems as a very recent photo of Yours Truly has surfaced like putrid gas rising through swamp waters...






Meanwhile, somewhere on the Fleurieu Peninsula, a marsupial contemplates life...

The thievesssss. The dirty, little Thievesss. They stole it from us, my Preciousssss.

*please take notice, anything NOT in italics needs to be read in Smeagol's voice. You'll figure out the italics on your own, I'm sure*



Nasssssty little creature stole it from us, they did. Yesssss, my precious, they did... But how? How can we find the nasty thief who stole it from us?

My


Prrrrrrecious...

Look! It's gone!




Who could it be, precious? Who could it BEEEEE?

I know, my precious. Let's askes the nasty crittersssssss...




No, no. Not THAT one, my precious.

Ohhhh, my precious. This one looks guilty, doesn't itsssss.

No, so sorry to disappoint my good fellow, but I was asleep the whole time you see.

Oh, perhaps. We shall see. Oh yes, we shall ssssseeeeee!


No, not these two tricksessss. We hatess their eyeses, we do!




Aaaaaagh! Get its AWAY!!!! Gets its AWAAAAAAY!




Aiiigh! The sunlight burnses us, it does my precious! Could not have been that one!

I say, my good fellow. Would you be so kind as to fetch us a crumpet?

Oh my precious... we must finds the filthy little thief! Yes, we must!

I say, my good man. I've been out here all afternoon and couldn't possibly have stolen anything.


Oh no, my precious. Not this one. This one couldn't possibly have stolen it!




But what about this one, my precious?

*snore*



This one lookssesss guilty, my love.

Nope, not me.



Coulds its be this one, my precious?

Yo Adrian!



Ahhhh, see my precious? We've founds its! Yes, the thief!

If I had done it then I wouldn't have left evidence.



But who? Who could it be, precious??? Aiiiiigggghhhh!

No, not this one silly...

*pppphhhhbbtbtt*



Oh my precious, we are close, yes we are!




Ah! The Thief! The nasty, little THIEF!





*Editors note*

In order to keep my drumstick-like calves attached to the rest of my body --as opposed to being inside a panther's belly, I decided to give the cat a nice meal of fish that evening.

I Am A Fraudulent, Fabricating, Fibber Of A Failed Fraud Failing To Fund Fijian Fun!

Well (and that's a deep subject), I have to come clean with all of you (how will we all fit in the shower????).

I'm a fraud.

Totally.

All I do is sit in my pajamas in my mom's basement and make stuff up. Really! C'mon, think about it. Do you *really* think someone could have done as much varied stuff as I've made up about myself?

Bah, I've never even been to Australia. And there's no way I could find it on a map either. Although I'm pretty sure it is some state in the country of Africa...

Never been to Alaska. Nope, made that up too. I mean c'mon, do you really think ANYONE goes outside for a bicycle ride when it's -58 F? Speaking of bikes, I tried riding one once and lost my balance so I've been scared of them ever since.

Alaska, hmmmmmmm, isn't that an island somewhere between California and Hawaii? How would I know, as I've never been out of the little town I was born in.

All that bowling stuff I made up? Sheesh, do you REALLY think a 16 year old could bowl 22 strikes in a row? Give me a break!

And then that whole thing about teaching fencing? Yeah, sure. And I even had the gall to top it off with winning a state championship in something called "epee"???? I didn't really expect any of you to believe that.

You know those geeks in high school that were always getting roughed up? Well, I wasn't one of them! In fact, I looked up to them cus at least they were getting attention!

Married? Ha! I had a girlfriend once... then she saw me naked and laughed at my wang-doodle. I've never recovered from that and I avoid females like the plague --Mom doesn't count as she brings me meals down here in the basement.

Speaking of food. I have NO idea how to cook. All those exotic recipes? I just made them up. Heck, I wouldn't even know where the matches are to light the electric cooktop.

I am deathly afraid of cats and dogs and want absolutely NOTHING to do with them. Ugh, they give me the willies.

Pictures? Ha, I wouldn't know a focal length from a inch. All I did was surf around and steal someone elses photos. Besides, I can't afford a camera.

All that crap about sailing and being out in a typhoon? You didn't really believe that, did you? The only thing I know about sailing is what I saw in a movie. If you asked me to "jibe the chute" I would be dumbfounded. Or not founded at all.

A pool? What? Me, swim? Surely you jest! I get the heebie-jeebies just looking at a bathtub! I'm certainly glad there ain't one down here in the basement.

Gardening? Ha! For someone who doesn't know the difference between a frypan and a saucepan, do you really think I'd even attempt to grow something? Heck, I'd get my hands dirty.

Well, now you know. I've made every single bit of my life up in order to entertain you via this blog.

*at this moment Wifey-Poo walks into the room*

WP: Hello dear, whatcha doing?

YT (Yours Truly, that'd be me. Don't swoon ladies, I'm human): Ummmm, ahhh, just typing in a blog post.

WP: Oh, let me see!

*WP peers over YT's shoulder*

WP: What sort of tripe are you dribbling on about now?

YT: I'm trying to get money for us to go to Fiji!

WP: And how is this shitload of lies supposed to do that? *foot taps on floor*

YT: I made sure that each statement is totally false.

WP: I'm still waiting for the money part. *WP's arms fold across her bodacious breasts*

YT: But look! Each of these lies are easily refuted or debunked by doing a bit a research on this ole system of tubes.

WP: And...?

YT: It's obvious!

WP: Not to me it isn't. *daggers shoot forth from WP's eyes just barely missing our hero*

YT: I figure that since Sarah Palin ($P) hasn't put up a facebook post in a bit then she must be needing a new ghostwriter for her facebook!

WP: I'm still waiting about the money part.

YT: Well, she needs someone who can lie with not only a straight face, but a person who can lie about facts that are easily looked up on the internet!

WP: Ummmmmmmm...

YT: And then when she hires me we can then tweet and facebook for $P from a beach in Fiji!

WP: *We're never going to get to Fiji* Would you like another visit from the nice men in the white coats again?

YT: Nope, I'm fine this time! *twitch*




See, here's the problem with taking too much medication. Strange things happen.




Oh, WP and I were out at Onkaparinga Gorge the other day. Some pictures were taken --not be me, of course.

Would you like to see them? Obviously you would.

Did you ever get the feeling you were being watched?




Wifey-Poo did some great framing for this pic of a roo




And the ubiquitous scenery shot:

The ridge in the distance is called The Range, Wickam's Hill road goes up it (of course I've never, ever ridden up it or Penny's Hill or Old Wilunga Hill). Sandwiched betwixt The Range and where we were standing is Mclaren Vale. Darned good wine country.

Sometimes (or all the time) I like being silly




Stay tuned for more Fiji Funding updates.

The Fascist Commies Are Taking Away Our Freedom!

This is an outrage!!! An OUTRAGE I tell's ya!!!!! How the bloody-hell the bastahds think they can get away with this I'll never know!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We're mad! And we ain't gunna take it no more!

Harumph, so there.

This weekend is the culmination of yearlong preparation of all good Aussie blokes to COMPLETELY FORGET ABOUT ANYTHING!! And the bleedin' coppers think they 'ave the right to tell us just what we "can" and "can't" do?

Bleah. I ams disgustipated.

C'mon oh you "powers that be"! This is Bathurst Week! Mt Panorama! The Race That Brock Built!!!!! We've been campin' 'ere all week long!!!

And now they've got the utter GALL to tell us just 'ow much beer and wine we are "allowed" to consume per day???? It's an outrage!!!!!!! I'm callin' me member of parliament RIGHT NOW!!! Oh, wait, the bloke's passed out behind the grandstands...

Do they REALLY think that any good, upstanding, Aussie bloke can subsist on only 24 beers a day???? Crikey mate! At least they let us have 36 beers a day of the cheap 'merican lite crap, good on em --although it still takes like pisswater. They even are limiting the WINOS! 4 litres a day! Crikey, that's not even 6 bottles a day!

What are the bloody cops thinkin'?

I tells ya, I gots a RIGHT to look like this ALL WEEK LONG!




I'm sure t'at all our NASCAR mates in the US can relate! Can you imagine if dey tried to limit NASCAR fans ta "only" 36 beers a day? There'd be an arm'd rebellion, Too right!


This sarcastic Public Service Announcement brought to you by someone who doesn't give a shit about "petrolheads" or "hoons".

Lunch with the Critters

The critters were kind enough to let us (Yours Truly and Wifey-Poo) wander through their home and partake of some sustenance while there. No, we didn't partake of the critters... Just wouldn't seem right to invade their home and then eat them. They were scrawny anyways.

Have I mentioned that there are a LOT of birds down here? Pretty much wherever you go you'll find (and hear) birdses. Naturally, when you break out your picnic lunch there tends to be an exponential increase in the number of them.

This bloke here is a Black-faced miner bird, or a noisy miner. They are a type of honey-eater but they also eat bugs and anything the hairless apes happen to drop on the ground after their picnic.



I have a much, much, muchly betterer picture of one of them. Give me a sec and I'll find it...

t
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m
e

m
a
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a
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.
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.

Found it! Here ya go:




Next up is an Aussie Magpie. I don't have too many shots of these blokes. It'd be easy to get pics of them as they are EVERYWHERE!




It turns out we had set up camp right next a blue gum that a koala was sleeping in. He was sooooo cute!



Later on s/he had turned around and I got a pic from right below.




As we were leaving, there were 5 kangaroos crossing the road and hanging out in the grass and trees. 3 momma roos and two young joeys. In fact, one of the joeys was so young he wasn't even peeking out of momma's pouch. But the other one was hopping around like mad --fast lil bugga.








This last pic was the best I could get of the little bouncy bundle of joy. This guy just would NOT stay still. Nor would he move slowly. He had two speeds: hyperactive and full stop.




We had fish for dinner that night, BTW.

Homemade Kangaroo, Venison, Caribou, or Moose Sausages

This sausage was made with roo meat, but any game meat from the title should be very tasty with this. I decided to make it cus we got some venison sausage the other day and the flavour reminded me of reindeer sausage from back in Alaska.

Naturally, I just had to come up with my own seasonings!

Note: This will be appearing on my food blog soon complete with pictures of the process.

I do have to brag a bit though, not only am I two for two for picking stage winners so far in this years' TDF, but I am also an expert koala spotter.

I even have proof! Not only did I spot 10 of them out bushwalking last week, but some were quite distant.

This fella is actually quite a ways away:



Here's how far away:



Does this help you find the bugga?




Then a very pretty lady roo came bounding through the scrub and stopped right next to us.




She didn't stay for long, and I actually got a picture of her bounding away:




Annnnnnnnd that brings us to our recipe today: Dave's Caseless Roo Sausage!

One of the nice things about roo (and most game meat) is that it's very lean. This means that it won't shrink on the barby nor will it drip fat down and flame up and burn itself. Very kind of it, dontcha think?

Here's what you need:

2 tsp ground black pepper
1 tbsp crushed garlic
1 tsp mustard powder
2 tbsp salt
1 tsp oregano
1 tsp grated ginger
1/2 cup port wine
1 tbsp dried onion flakes
2 tsp powdered sage
2 tsp cumin powder
1 tsp crushed fennel seeds
1 kilo (2.2 pounds) roo mince (ground roo or any other ground game meat)
1/2 cup of bread crumbs
1 food smoker
1 grill


What you do:

Chuck it all into a large bowl --except the smoker and the grill-- and mix it all together. Just squeeze it through your fingers with your hands for a couple of minutes and it'll all be combined nicely.

Form the mix into sausages. Patties or links, your choice.

Put them in the smoker for 30 to 40 mins. Try to keep the heat low and the smoke heavy.

Let them sit on a plate and cool and "age" for a few hours after smoking.

Crank on the grill and cook em!

Very tasty!

My TDF stage winner for tonight's stage 3 is... The Manx Missle.

Wild Kangaroo Pictures

Well I think the title of this post pretty much say it all. Can any of you guess just may or may not be contained within this post?

If you guessed roo pics and dave trying to be funny for things contained in this post, then you'd be right mate!

If you guessed serious, thought-provoking, inspiring writing as something NOT contained within this post, then you'd be right again mate!


WP and I go to Belair National Park pretty regularly. We know the trails to go down to see loads of koalas, the places to brambling, cherry picking, herb picking, etc. Wanna know where a family of kookaburras hang out? Just ask and I'll tell.

I know where a flock of long-billed corellas congregate at sundown.

Wanna know what a yellow-tailed black cockatoo sounds like? Yep, I know.

I even know a good place to see emus, but they aren't always there.

But roos now. Roos have always been hard to spot. Well they are nocturnal, sleep in the underbrush, and we are outta there by sunset. Needless to say, we've only seen one roo there before --and that was the old blind roo that's been around the area for yonks and knows all the trails, well, blindfolded.

Getting back to the kangaroo photos...

I proudly present Skippy and his brood!

Keep in mind they do sorta blend in...




And they like to play hide-and-seek:




And it turns out it's a bloke and his sheila:




They must be starting a family cus there's a joey in her pouch




She's fairly petite compared to him. Just look at those shoulders!




We really weren't too close, this shows the distance better:




She is just sooooooo cute!




This is one certified stud of a roo:




And he's gracious too! Ladies first.




Well, time to get home and cook dinner...

Mmmmmmmmmm, roo burgers...druuu-aaaal!