G'day All! And Happy Thanksgiving from Down Unda

Turkey day is a holiday specific to US and Canada, but I really don't think the canucks go all out bonkers over it the way US'ns do. I've been asked by a few Aussies what Thanksgiving is all about and at first I did my best to explain how it all started. Ended up with puzzled looks from many an Aussie.

Nowadays I just say it's just another excuse for Americans to pig out and watch football!

Now that they can relate to! It's much like the way a cricket test match is just another excuse for Aussies to sit in the sun 5 days straight whilst drinking beer.

Anyways, in honor of Turkey Day you may have noticed that Alice's Restaurant Massacree playing in the sidebar. If you don't like it then tough shit. No, actually, feel free to pause it, no worries.

Have I used enough commas yet?

Quick aside before we gets back to me ramblings... How's abouts a picture?



Moth or butterfly? What's your guess?

Getting back (or front) to me --cuz it's all about ME! Is anyone the least bit curious why I hadn't posted since like maybe sorta since very early October? Anyone? Actually I think many of you are as many of you have sent me mean nasty emails and tweets telling me to get up off my lazy ass (your words, not mine) and post something. A few of you have even wondering aloud on your own blogs whether I'm dead or not. You know who you are and just make sure you're very careful next time you're out in the woods, jus' sayin'.

So... Why the break?

Last post I put up what I had thought was such an awesomely great picture of a momma and baby koala that I quite -rightly I obviously mistakenly- believed that I'd get many ooo's and ahhh's in the comments. A few days went by and no comments. Oh heck, I'll give the buggas till over the weekend, I thought.

A week went by, still nothing. But then a funny thing happened... my visitor numbers started going up. Like well over doubling! I then decided that once the numbers go back to normal (waving hi to all 3 of you! I joke of course. I'm not waving, I'm typing) I'll put up more stuff.

But the numbers haven't dropped. So by not posting anything for 52 days (but who's counting) I have effectively tripled my traffic! Woo-Hoo! Who knew laziness could do such wonders?

Then something went wrong. Apparently y'all have now had enough time to squizz through my archives that you now hunger for fresh babbling from Yours Truly --that'd be me, don't swoon ladies I'm human!

So you have now all shamed me into psoting. Truthfully though, all the "please post something dave" emails and tweets have been very flattering. So, just like any normal bloke, you just found out that flattery will get you anything you want with me. Unless Wifey-Poo is watching.

Did you know there's some folks out in the ether that think I'm funny? Whereas some of you know that I'm just funny looking.

Wait! Don't go yet. I've got some pictures and puzzles for you.

Can you find the koala?




And if you couldn't then you won't like knowing that my 80 yr MIL could find it from her wheelchair:




Once the little fella realized we weren't a threat, s/he went right back to doing what koalas do better than any critter on earth.




Seeing all them wild critters made me hungry later that day...




Try to guess what type of snags those are. Go on, GUESS!

When they was all cooked up they looked like this.




No, I won't show you a picture of what they looked like the next day...

Oh, just remembered something. A few of you have mentioned how much you like The Lord and Master of All He Surveys, Protector of The Weak, Defender of The Innocent, His Royal Highness, Prince Bagheera. BTW if I don't give him his full title each time then he shreds my legs.

Anyways, see if you can find The Cat:




Here's a closeup of him. Obviously he's all tuckered out today after chewing on my leg all night.




I suppose I could have also used the excuse of my ancient 6 yr old P4 finally dying, buying a new supersystem, rescuing data from old hard drive, installing programs on new system, and playing with more 3d stuff as to why I didn't post in a while, but you probably wouldn't believe me. Right?

The Solar Powered...

...CAT!






And after his batteries are all charged up he then has plenty of energy!


Obviously he's conserving battery power till dinner time.

Speaking of dinner, some *cough, cough, TwoYaks cough, cough* may knot believe that koalas actually do move. They do, but only when they are eating.



And even then they don't muchly move.

No, The Cat did not kick the bucket!

Rumors of the death of His Royal Highness, Protector of the Faithful, Guardian of The Rift, Defender of The Innocent, Wielder of The Sacred Claw of Anor, Lord and Master of All He Surveys, Prince Bagheera are just that. Rumors.

I didn't even realize the wording of the previous post might cause some of you to think that The Fanged Terror had met an untimely demise. I was referencing a rock song from waaaaaaay back. Back when rock n roll meant the guitarist knew 3 chords instead of only one like nowadays.

Here's proof!





He's a little more animated in this picture


Yes I know. It just looks like I took a cat carcass and tossed it around. But really, he DOES move. Just knot when I have a camera handy.

Basement Cat...

... Bought the Stairway to Heaven!





And he's guarding it from Sarah Palin

Step Right Up and ALL Your Questions Will Be Answered!

Yes indeedy all you little ladies! Just step right up to the Imaginarium of Doctor Dave and all your answers will be questioned!

or something like that

Can anyone guess what film we watched last night? Anyone? Just leave a comment. HINT: It really plumm-s the depp-ths...

Butt I do have two answers for you --don't swoon ladies, I'm human-- instead of only the one you may or may not have been expectorating.

Firstly: why my but was sore and bruised. It has to do with my back. And pressure points. Yes, I had a visit to my chiro a week before my birthday. Wee-Hoo!!!! Happy Birthday to me; here dave, go ahead and treat yourself to a sore ass!

Butt no, it really did help. She had to do some serious work on the pressure points of my right glute with her elbow in order to get the swelling and pain to go away. It worked! She really is amazing, dontcha know. Heck, I can even go in for stuffed sinuses and a few deftly applied thumbs to the top of my neck and all the sinus pressure is GONE.

Alice is cool. Ummmmm, that's Dr Lay actually.

Much better than modern drugs. Butt that's just me.

*********************************************************************

Next answer: My age.

It's sorta kinda like gettin' up there. *wink*

In fact, I am now 2.659009203 *10 ^ 53 planck time units old, and my back with its 4 compressed vertebrae, off-kilter pelvis, off-kilter shoulders, and twisted neck vertebrae feel EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of those planck time units.

I suspect that 3 (three) of my readers can figure out my age. The rest of you can go bugga off mates!

Ha-rumph.


**************************************************************************

It's been a while since I've put up some pictures of Australian wildlife. I shall fix that problem.

I think this lorikeet had it's neck lock. I can relate.

Dude, just give Alice a ring! She'll fix it!

It's quite common for Aussie ladies going au natural to ask me if I think their butt is too big. Here's proof.

Ooooh dave, does my butt look too big?

Wouldn't you just hate to wake up with this bloke staring at you?




The other day I noticed this critter. Not sure whether it's an ant pretending to be a spider or a spider pretending to be an ant. Either way, I wasn't gonna get any closer!

Judging by the eyes, I'm guessing spider.

There's a koala asleep here somewhere...




Oh, why look! Here it is:




This flying bloke picked just the COOLEST LOOKING plant to hang out on!




Just now many cats can YOU find in this picture?




As always just leave your guesses in the comments to anything I may or may not have mentioned, no worries mates.

One last thing... As I'm sure you have all already sent birthday presents/offerings to me (don't swoon ladies, I'm human) I have, most regrettably, yet to receive any of them. Therefore I've decided that all the birthday pressies I receive from you, my loyal readers, shall be put under the tree for Christmas.

Just remembered!

A conversation with Wifey-Poo!

Just a reminder, WP is Wifey-Poo, otherwise known as The Most Wonderful Woman In The Entire World, and YT is Yours Truly --don't swoon ladies, I'm human.

*YT walks into mission control (the 'puter room) carrying his best steel wok*

YT: Honey?

WP: Yes dear? *crap, what does that idiot want now?*

YT: I need to check my tags. Do you know where they are?

WP: ??????????? *????????????????*

YT: You know, my hunting tags.

WP: I'm totally clueless with this one. *can't he EVER let me work without some dumbass conversation?*

YT: I just need to make sure it's the right time of year for this.

WP: For what?

YT: Well, I need to season the wok!

WP: *SOB*


********************************************************************

And on a final note... If none of you ask where I got or why I use the fraze "don't swoon ladies, I'm human" then I'm just gonna... ummmm, errrrrr, KEEP USING IT!

So there.

Almond Trees are BLOOMING!

And that means that our frigidly cold winter HAS to be coming to an end soon. I mean, DANG, but I am so tired of wearing pants.

Sigh.

Naturally when I saw the almond tree that's next to the pool blooming today, I just had to get the camera. The reason I grabbed the camera was to take some pictures for you. Of the almond blossoms, of course.

Here you are, and you're quite welcome.















The cat was clearly not amused...

...at having a camera shoved in his face.

How to be funny...

...looking!

Ha, ha! No, I joke. Although I have been told that I'm funny looking, this post is not about how to look like me --d*mn*d good thing too!

No, this post is about how to be a world famous, independently wealthy, adored by millions of young bikini-clad bimbos, humour righter! Just like Yours Truly --don't swoon ladies, I'm human.

There's several ways you can make your blog funnier:

1) Don't make lists! Cus I hate them!

Try making up a fictional story from your childhood! Now, all of mine are completely true, of course.

Lie. Except when you aren't.

Poke fun at yourself. After all, everyone loves to laugh AT you instead of WITH you.

Intenshunully missspel werdz! Phonetics kan be phun!

Throuw grammer zpellin an punchooashun write outta da winder

Don't swear goddammit. Cussing isn't funy you dumm shit.

take and post pitchers of youselv doin stupid or funny things --this one is a favourite of mine!

Use sillie captions on pictures. Especially critter pitchers since we all luv to anthropomorphosise critters --Ummmmm, that does mean to be amorous with critters, doesn't it?

Make up knew werds! See whose smart enuff to figure em owt.

Don't use puns! Cuz they ain't punny 'cept to the punster. Besides, you'd faile as I iz way much beter at it then you.

2day you git some eggzampels of phuny pitcher capshuningness!



Ohhhh, ai shouldn't haz had da third pitcher uf catnip margaritas...




Arrrrr! Look lively ya bilge rats! And keep a weather eye out for the never-empty bag of sunflower seeds, arrrrrrr mateys!




Oh Cr*p! Momma always warned me not to look down!




In a victory for evolution, certain subspecies of Australian Honey Bees have developed an immunity to the deadly, paralyzing, toxic sting of the dangerous, lethal and venomous Australian Tree Anemone.

The Cat

His Royal Highness, Lord and Master of All He Surveys, Defender of The Rift, Protector of The Innocent, The All Powerful, King of The Realm, Defender of The Weak, Champion of The Just, Decapitator of Pigeons, Grand Sultan of South Australia, Bearer of The Fangs of Terror...

The

One,


*insert dramatic pause here*



The

Only,



Prince Bagheera!





Has anyone guessed by now that there is a very special cat that lets us share the house with him?





Whenever he has to go to the vet (this always involves copious amounts of blood loss on my part), the vet he sees ALWAYS remarks about how big his fangs are and how healthy his teeth are. I nervously tell him or her it's cuz he chews on my legs all day. They laugh, not realizing what is about to happen...

This





quickly becomes this as the vet tries to take his temp or give him a shot:




No prizes will be awarded for correctly guessing just WHO gets the shot and whose temperature gets taken!

Needless to say, we generally aren't welcome at the same vet twice. Neither is the cat.





I, however, have learned to live with (wait upon hand and foot) Bagheera. See? He can be nice:




And if has roastingly hot bricks to lay on



or some warm stairs to pose on



or some plants to sleep in



or perhaps a dirt-filled coffin to sleep in during the day



or maybe a lawn to flop on



and, of course, doing kitty porn whenever he wants to



and to pretty much hang out wherever he wants to



will hopefully prevent this



from becoming this too often!





Do you know how he likes to wake me up? Besides the nightly trampoline practice on my stomach at 2 AM, of course. He sits on the headboard above me, carefully puts a paw out, unsheaths an inch-long, razor-sharp claw, and stabs the end of my nose! Just imagine one of these waking you up:




The other day we had grilled lamb ribs for dinner. The cat reached up to the bone plate (without even having to stretch) and grabbed a rib. The next thing I here is the cat cracking and breaking the rib! I kid you not! Just glad it wasn't one of my bones.

He also likes to channel the Headless Horseman! Whenever he gets a pigeon or mouse or rat or lizard or wallaby or bunyip he always bites the head off in one chomp and eats it whole. No blood, no mess, just one very satisfied looking cat.

Switching gears!

Purdy!




Go on and try to guess which one is NOT a rainbow lorikeet!




Does anyone feel like captioning this?

Monarchs!

Yes, we have them down here in Oz. Why look, here's one now!





I wonder what the cat is dreaming of eating...





Pictures by Yours Truly (don't swoon ladies, I'm human) and feel free to use them in whatever manner suits you --just gimme a credit, eh?

Sorry for the brief (as opposed to boxer shorts) but I'm working on something so very cool...