A Little of This, A Little of That.

G'day mates! How are ya? Has this winter (or summer) been treating you nicely? Lemme know, eh?

I'm hoping that everyone is now happy again now that I'm posting regularly again --fingers, toes, eyes, legs, ankle, arms all crossed in the hope that I can keep it up!

Don't expect any rhyme nor reason from my posts, one day you may see me running around an alien spaceship, the next you may see an embarrassed koala! Why the flighty-ness? It's not that I don't have a short attention span, it's just that I get ummmmm, side-tracked (yeah, that's it!) more often than knot and then a few days go by as I try to finish up (start!) a post that was a great idea at the time and befour I know it; a month has gone by-BYE!

Well (and that's a deep subject), NO MORE! I'll post whatever darned thing comes to my mind and type whatever darned stuff spews itself through my fingertips, onto my keyboard, onto your screen, into your eyeballs, then the spewed stuff finally comes to rest in some back-corner, unused area of your memory.

I hope you don't mind.

And no, I had absolutely NO IDEA I was going to type what I have typed thus far, I just let the fingers spew forth whatever they phelt like spewing forth.

*screeeeeeeeech* Insert sound of brakes

Changing gears now.

Many of you may or may not be aware that I'm going to have to travel to the US for a coupla weeks near the end of May. The reason is quite obvious as it involves Arlington National Cemetary. I will unfortunately NOT be able to work in a visit to Alaska (seriously grumbling about that), in fact it'll be an East Coast only trip with the exception of an airport or two.

I do not plan on cutting my hair (still no gray and approaching 50!!!!). Haven't cut it since late 1998 so why ruin a good thing, eh? I am not planning on shaving my long goatee (ok, it has a couple of gray strands) which is rapidly becoming a cross betwixt a long Van Dyke type and a short Manchu type. I also have long sideburns.

And to make sure that I'm fairly noticable, I will be bringing and wearing my tie-dye shirt collection!

Ain't they purdy?



Oh, and I'll be wearing one of several pairs of crocs routinely and wearing a black, roo-skin, acubra-style Aussie hat.

And a camera around my neck at pretty much all times. Yes, I'll be the weird tourist from Oz! Anybody gotta problem wit dat?

I have been continuing to play with and learn Vue 10. Great program! Loves it, I does! Check this out mates:


Here it is much more bigger sized:


Pretty good eh? All from scratch from Yours Truly! Vue also renders much faster than Bryce, this only took 6 hours to renders and talk about realistic plants!

Next up, dave makes a lame joke.

I am about to make a joke that may be a major embarrassment to me. So much so that I may go hide my head in shame rather like this:


The joke is a visual one. It's from one of my own pictures too!

You know how some people (not naming names mind you) tend to see phallic symbols everywhere? Yes, it's true some people do, not sure why.

Well, thinking along that "type" of line... What does this next picture remind you of?


I know, I'm a bad, evil, vile person and you don't need to tell me where I'm going cus I already know the way.

Ok, joke's over.

Those of you who know me in real life know that I have a knack for resting. And sleeping. Stay tuned for next time as I tell you ALL about my embarrassing history of sleeping and resting in what *some* people might think are inappropriate places!

No scents putting this off mates...

Yes, no scents at all in putting this post off. I've been putting it off for almost 7 weeks now as I've had a hard time finding the words.

Firstly, this has NOTHING to do with the fact it's my five-th hundredth post.

Secondly, I am not giving up blogging.

Thirdly, the reason why you haven't heard from me for a while is that whilst I was formulating a post regarding the compleat historonics and history of The Alaska Foods Co. here in South Oz, a very bad thing happened.










My dad died.

He only made it to 68. He had been in his new retirement house in sunny, warm (compared to AK) NC for barely 14 months.

I have so many wonderful memories of my father and I've been trying to figure out a way to weave them all into a tribute post to dad. There are too many. I can't. I'm not a gifted wordsmith (yes, some of you may have noticed that yonks ago) and as the thoughts and memories of my dad careen through me wee little brain they leave no trace for my fingers to track.

You may therefore expect various stories and thoughts about my dad peppered throughout blog posts at whenever I feel like it.

I used to drive my dad's freight truck in Anchorage so he could take his entire summer off and sail around Resurrection Bay and Prince William Sound. But that's all a story for another time...

My dad was superman. If you don't believe me then just check this out. It is a four (4) part story of my dad (that'd be superman) rescuing his entire family (mom, me, brother).

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four

As words are failing me, I shall leave you with some pictures of my dad and the brood. I'm sure you can guess the only one of the pictures that is NOT 40 years old.









I'm the short one in this pic btw.






Any longtime Alaskans recognize that shirt and what it means?


Lookin' pretty darned good at 67!


And what did I look like way back then?



Goodbye dad. You are missed mate!

Another Year Has Flown By!

Yes folks, another year has gone by. Flew by! Shot by! ZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMED by!

I blinked, I missed it. Darn.

Yes, it is my birthday today, Sunday August 28th 2011.

I wasn't expecting anything this morning as our plans for overnighting somewhere (anywhere EXCEPT the house!) were shot to shit 2 weeks ago. Spent the last 2 weeks helping BIL with his PHD thesis AND helping him grade biology lab reports for 1st year uni students.

Is there anything his daveness can't do? Full disclosure: his daveness is what one of my twitter girlfriends calls me :-} She also wants a clone of me. Or at least someone to cook for her!

Don't swoon ladies, I'm human!

Anyways, wifey-poo and I are gonna get away, it'll be a late birthday pressie for me.

And even with that I did get some pressies this morning! I did have to make my own cake, but I'm pretty good at that.

BIL picked out a great card. It is the BEST BIRTHDAY CARD EVER!




Hey, off topic but can anyone guess whereabouts in South Oz this picture was tooked?




Now by now I'm sure that perhaps just one or two of you are about to inquire as to my current age. Well, you don't need to ask cuz I'm gonna tell ya!

I am now 2.6914 x 10^52 Planck time units old.

And I feel every single one of them at times!

For those of you who have a hard time converting Planck time units into the arcane "year" measurement, I have this to say:


nanner nanner nanner

A Public Service Announcement from Yours Truly!

Y'all knows that UV is bad fer ya, right? That'd be the UV radiation you get from sitting out in the sun too long, BTW. Now remember that you do want to get out in the sun regularly as you need your vitamin D, but over-exposure can be, well, bad.

Not only do ya run the risk of skin cancer, but it can make your skin look yonks (YONKS I tells ya!) older than what it really is.

Butt don't worry cuz if you're stupid enough you don't even knead to be over-exposed to the sun to get those wonderful skin problems! Tanning beds mate, tanning beds.

Hocked by hucksters to the most vain segment of society, these "beds" just bathe you in nasty UV radiation. And do you think ANYONE who uses them puts on sunblock, shirt, and a hat? What a silly question!

And there is now fotogaffic evidence of just what can happen to the skin of a "person" if she uses a tanning bed for a decade or two, consumes diet pills and Red Bull routinely and then shows up at a State Fair where anyone can see her!

Let's face it, no amount a makeup can hide THIS!





And if that "person" were to perhaps continue on this path to skin destruction, it certainly won't be long before a picture like this is taken of her:






Fortunately, I don't have any of those skin problems as a very recent photo of Yours Truly has surfaced like putrid gas rising through swamp waters...






Meanwhile, somewhere on the Fleurieu Peninsula, a marsupial contemplates life...

The Butt of All Jokes

I really did mean to get these monarch butterfly pics up for you, butt recent circumstances did knot allow me to.

Butt I'll explain that later. And you get another story of Unkie Dave hurting himself. Butt this is NOT from his youth, this is a story from his oldeth instead.

Butt first, how's abouts some monarch butterfly pics?

The Adelaide Hills has a very stable population of monarch butterflies, and when they are migrating through the Hills you can see loads of them. A few weeks ago this just happened to be one of those days. And Wifey-Poo had her new camera! Her new one is a FujiFine Pix HS10. It has a 30 to 1 OPTICAL zoom! And twice the dpi as our ole S6500fd (which I was using)

Needless to say, we both got some pretty darned good butterfly pics that day!

Here are some of mine first. Enjoy!

This pair had just landed and were folding up their wings to get ready to feast on pollen.




Same pair, slurping away with wings folded.




Same pair. Most of them folded their wings up whilst slurping nectar.




I finally found one bloke (yes, this one is a male) that left his wings open whilst feeding!




And then there's the best pic I was able to get of him!




You are now about to see the difference when you double the dpi and triple the zoom. BTW, Wifey-Poo's new camera goes from taking supermacro to taking 720 mm zoom shots without changing lenses.

She was still learning the colour balance and all the nifty controls, but the detail is just amazing!









We both took pics of the bloke who left his wings out whilst feeding. Just compare the detail!




This one is cool since you can see his tongue!




Butt that's enough of butterflies!

Let's move on to the next subject, ME!

Story time! Yes, I know it's been a long time since you've heard a story about your Unkie Dave hurting himself, butt let's just end that right now! I'm sure you all recall the time I left my face on the pavement (6 yrs old), broke leg in scissors swing thingy (5 yrs old), broke arm 10 yrs old, left 10 foot long bloody skidmark on pavement from summer roller-skiing accident at 15 yrs old, did a faceplant... oh, HECK! I'm sure you get the idea! I had a fun childhood.

Growing up wild? Yeah, that sounds about right. Nearly smashing my eyesocket with the back of my hatchet? Yup, that'd be me mate. I should write a book titled Growing Up Wild.

Anyways, I tell you this cuz not only are all those stories in my blog archives *cough cough*, butt also to tell you I know a wee little bit about pain.

As in the pain difference betwixt a sprained ankle and a broken ankle. The pain of multiple broken bones as opposed to a cracked rib or three.

I tells ya mates, when my skeleton is dug up and examined by future archaeologists they are gonna think I was tortured from 4 yrs old to 45 yrs old. Nope, I just had fun.

Butt two and a half weeks ago I was not having fun.

Oh sure, I was cleaning the pool (which is always fun as it means I'll be jumping in) butt it wasn't exactly what you call "fun" as in the "fun" of creek climbing. BTW, the creek climbing story is in the archives, just have a squizz through some of my early posts.

I was standing on the edge of the pool. The edges of the pool are very hard tiles over concrete. The edges are also a crisp, clean, 90 degree edge.

As I was finishing vacuuming the shallow end of the pool, the end of the pole became slightly tangled in the vines that grow over, through, and around the fence.

Here's a pic of the offending vines:




Here, lemme just scribble all over the pic so it'll make scents to y'allns!




I'm totally sure that explains everything!

Back to the story. When the top end of the vacuuming pole caught in the vines, my first, and natural, reaction was to pivot to my right, reach out with my right arm and free the pole.

Sounds simple, right?

Ha!

You have to remember that I although I am rather strong (smelling) I do have to take care of how I move and lift due to my back. Don't ask, long story mate.

So as I pivoted on my right foot whilst reaching to the right with my right hand and holding onto the pole with my left hand, my left foot decided that if it pivoted whilst remaining stationary that my back would be not very happy.

Hence, at that point, my left foot decided to step forward in order not to piss off my lower back too much. There was, needless to say, a slight problem with that particular maneuver: a step forward was a step into the pool.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm NOT a klutz. Besides, if my batteries would've been fully charged then I'dve just walked across the water. Alas, I neglected to plug myself in the previous week as I did not anticipate any walking on water in my near future.

So my foot started to sink rather rapidly.

You know how when you are falling there is always the quite natural, instinctual reaction to try to arrest the fall? As in, you try to bloody-well catch yourself mate! Butt if I had been thinking (HA!) then I'm sure I would've just gone with the fall and went splat into the pool. Well, DUH!

Butt no, instincts took over and my body tried to arrest the fall well before my brain had a chance to engage (it was in idle, so it's excused).

What happened is that I tried to grab onto the pole with my right hand, my right foot slipped to the right (I'm glad I'm flexible as I did the "splits" without warming up) as my left butt cheek landed directly on the REALLY FUCKING HARD edge of the pool. Oh, and somewhere my left hand tried to cushion the fall and jammed it's own wrist -stupid left hand.

After my left butt cheek landed SOLIDLY on the edge, the rest of my body slowly slithered into the pool. The whole operation took about 0.001 seconds, butt it felt like an eternity.

My first thought was "Well, didn't need that tailbone anyways." Butt then the shaking set in. Then the nausea set in. Then my legs didn't really feel like working.

Yeah, I kinda knew something was wrong. Perhaps the nausea inducing pain from my left glute MAY have had something to do with it. Maybe.

About ten minutes later I was able to gather the strength to extricate myself from the shallow end of the pool which happens to a whole whopping 2 feet deep. I slowly made my way up the two steps to the pool door and whimpered my way into the kitchen to puke into the sink.

Since Wifey-Poo and BIL were in the kitchen at the time I do believe they figured out rather quickly that something was, shall we say, wrong. I threw up in the sink, then told then what happened.

I gotta tell y'all something. If you want some serious sympathy then you may want to consider cracking your pelvis and getting your glute muscle torn and separated from the bone. Oh sure, you'll be in a lot of pain, eating ibuprofen by the handful, icing your butt with multiple ice packs, and generally being miserable. Butt dang I tells ya mates: Serious Sympathy!

Of course after you've been laying on one side all day which causes your previously compressed lower back disks to go wonky you may not be too happy. That's why I recommend sending your BIL to the bottle shop for a case or four of tequila. And keep it in your bedroom!

As many of you have been following this blog for yonks now, you may have come to realize that I have left my scents of embarrassment long behind me. Therefore it really shouldn't surprise you that I have taken daily pictures of My Butt Bruise!

And I'm sure you're all just dying to see them! Ha. No, I didn't take them in ultra-high fidelity like the BUTTerfly pics. In facts, these were all taken in low light in a mirror. And I shrunk them waaaaaaay down.

And since they were taken by Yours Truly (don't swoon ladies, I'm human) in a mirror you'll notice the pictures are "mirrored". Trust me when I say that it's my LEFT butt cheek that has the bruise and broken parts.

I therefore do not think there is any reason why you all won't just LOVE to see this really awesomely cool bruise throughout a 12 day period. It kinda looks like I chased a rainbow butt the rainbow smacked me on the ass. Either that or the leprechaun has a really warped scents of humour.

Butt if you are easily offended (yeah, like any of my readers are!) then you may knot want to scroll down any farther. Oh, I've already shared these pics on twitter. One person said they've never seen a bruise like that outside of an emergency room! So weather or knot you view these pictures, please keep in mind that my bruised, naked, butt is already world famoose.

Without any further ado...

Here is the Butt Bruise Pic Day 1!





What comes after Day 1? Why, day 2 of course!:




Day 3 usually follows day 2:




Day 4:




Day 5 follows day 4:




I neglected to take a day 6 pic. I think the codeine didn't let me wake up. So here's Day 7:




Let's zip to Day 9! The dark line is from the impact (it hurts a bit):




Getting some really cool rainbow colors now!




Butt some things always fade away... Day 12:




Lastly, since you've read this far, I feel safe in telling you that I'm so very glad I'm right handed because I couldn't even begin to imagine the agony if I tried to wipe with my left hand!

Back From The Abyss!

Well, no not really. I didn't go anywhere. I didn't do anything.

"So why the bloody-hell din't ya post anythin' ya lousy wanka?" Yes, I heard you say that. From all the way down here too, also.

Why not? I always try to post something funny, or humorous, or punny so as to give all my readers some enjoyable entertainment and perchance a giggle or two. And just maybe an opportunity to forget about all the crap going on around us all.

Unfortunately, my phunny bone hasn't been very ticklish lately. Heck, Wifey-Poo will tell you that I'm not ticklish at all so the phunny bone not being tickled should come as no surprise.

See, lately every time I've sat my lazy ass down to type in a blog post, it seems like I've been forcing the humour. And I'm sure you can all relate to just how painful it can be when you try to force out a large blockage!

I do believe I've found a nice, natural, re-laxative. We'll see just what and how much of it hits the fan!

Basically, I'll be typing in whatever I want, putting up whatever pictures I want to with whatever caption I feel like putting on them. So, yeah, not much has changed, eh?

Befour you get to the pictures though, I'd like to share with you a brief conversation I had with Wifey-Poo as I can't remember the long ones.

As always, YT is Yours Truly -don't swoon ladies, I'm human! WP is of course Wifey-Poo -otherwise known as the most wonderful woman in the entire world since she puts up with Yours Truly.

*YT walks in from the cooker outside, and it's nearing dinnertime*

YT: Honey!

WP: Yes dear? *oh crap can't I get ANY writing done without his stupid interruptions?*

YT: How steamed would you like your cabbage? Just a bit steamed or really really pissed off?

WP: Just a bit, thanks. *Is there something heavy nearby I can throw at him?*


Now that you've read all through my above tripe (mmmmmmmm, menudo soup... delish), how's abouts some pics?

The first one is of me. Does that surprise you? It's a self-portrait pic I took of meself with NO mirrors and I wasn't holding the camera out in front of me pointing it at me.

So, no mirrors (or smoke) and the camera is pointing away from me yet I still managed to get a self portrait! And no, there wasn't any reflective surface nearby.

How'd I do it?

Any guesses?

H
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A
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I realize many of you up north may not have figured out how I did it since y'all probably ain't seen your shadow since winter started... Ahem.

Sew to help brighten a cold, dark, windy, snowy, dreary winter for all my Northern Hemisphere readers, I present to you the following picture. It was taken on Australia Day (January 26th).





I was cleaning out the webs around the front of the house the other day, and I spied a really really neat critter. No, you don't need to run away screaming and all like that! Sillies. This is NOT a picture of a spider.

But it is a picture of a critter that has an exoskeleton.

And is very pretty.

And was clinging upside down under the eaves out front.


Ain't she the purdiest thing y'all ever saw?

I tried to get a few front on views, but she was getting pretty skittish and I didn't want to "bug" her. But I did get this one though.




Well (and that's a deep subject), that's all I have for you today kiddies. Don't worry though, you won't have to wait another month for a post from moi, no worries!

Step Right Up and ALL Your Questions Will Be Answered!

Yes indeedy all you little ladies! Just step right up to the Imaginarium of Doctor Dave and all your answers will be questioned!

or something like that

Can anyone guess what film we watched last night? Anyone? Just leave a comment. HINT: It really plumm-s the depp-ths...

Butt I do have two answers for you --don't swoon ladies, I'm human-- instead of only the one you may or may not have been expectorating.

Firstly: why my but was sore and bruised. It has to do with my back. And pressure points. Yes, I had a visit to my chiro a week before my birthday. Wee-Hoo!!!! Happy Birthday to me; here dave, go ahead and treat yourself to a sore ass!

Butt no, it really did help. She had to do some serious work on the pressure points of my right glute with her elbow in order to get the swelling and pain to go away. It worked! She really is amazing, dontcha know. Heck, I can even go in for stuffed sinuses and a few deftly applied thumbs to the top of my neck and all the sinus pressure is GONE.

Alice is cool. Ummmmm, that's Dr Lay actually.

Much better than modern drugs. Butt that's just me.

*********************************************************************

Next answer: My age.

It's sorta kinda like gettin' up there. *wink*

In fact, I am now 2.659009203 *10 ^ 53 planck time units old, and my back with its 4 compressed vertebrae, off-kilter pelvis, off-kilter shoulders, and twisted neck vertebrae feel EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of those planck time units.

I suspect that 3 (three) of my readers can figure out my age. The rest of you can go bugga off mates!

Ha-rumph.


**************************************************************************

It's been a while since I've put up some pictures of Australian wildlife. I shall fix that problem.

I think this lorikeet had it's neck lock. I can relate.

Dude, just give Alice a ring! She'll fix it!

It's quite common for Aussie ladies going au natural to ask me if I think their butt is too big. Here's proof.

Ooooh dave, does my butt look too big?

Wouldn't you just hate to wake up with this bloke staring at you?




The other day I noticed this critter. Not sure whether it's an ant pretending to be a spider or a spider pretending to be an ant. Either way, I wasn't gonna get any closer!

Judging by the eyes, I'm guessing spider.

There's a koala asleep here somewhere...




Oh, why look! Here it is:




This flying bloke picked just the COOLEST LOOKING plant to hang out on!




Just now many cats can YOU find in this picture?




As always just leave your guesses in the comments to anything I may or may not have mentioned, no worries mates.

One last thing... As I'm sure you have all already sent birthday presents/offerings to me (don't swoon ladies, I'm human) I have, most regrettably, yet to receive any of them. Therefore I've decided that all the birthday pressies I receive from you, my loyal readers, shall be put under the tree for Christmas.

Just remembered!

A conversation with Wifey-Poo!

Just a reminder, WP is Wifey-Poo, otherwise known as The Most Wonderful Woman In The Entire World, and YT is Yours Truly --don't swoon ladies, I'm human.

*YT walks into mission control (the 'puter room) carrying his best steel wok*

YT: Honey?

WP: Yes dear? *crap, what does that idiot want now?*

YT: I need to check my tags. Do you know where they are?

WP: ??????????? *????????????????*

YT: You know, my hunting tags.

WP: I'm totally clueless with this one. *can't he EVER let me work without some dumbass conversation?*

YT: I just need to make sure it's the right time of year for this.

WP: For what?

YT: Well, I need to season the wok!

WP: *SOB*


********************************************************************

And on a final note... If none of you ask where I got or why I use the fraze "don't swoon ladies, I'm human" then I'm just gonna... ummmm, errrrrr, KEEP USING IT!

So there.