Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Take a Guess!

Go'an, guess mates! Who's the composer?

I'll even give you a hint: Hungarian gypsy music. After all, it's part of me heritage, dontcha know.

Too busy to post about the big boobs I saw in the woods. Also too busy to let you all know about how I'll fund the Fiji trip.

So, like, stay tuned! Eh?

Friday, September 25, 2009

Something Mischievous This Way Comes

And you can tell that by the wicked gleam in it's eye! You know how people are talking about seeing an "evil gleam" or perhaps a "wicked glint" or even the pansy "twinkle" in someone's or SOME thing's eye?

Yes, of course you know what I'm talking about. And I can now safely say that I have actual, verifiable, photographic proof of this phenomenon. No, I do knot have photoshop. I do, however, have several other cool programs for doing things like that but I SWEAR TO YOU that I did not retouch or do anything to this photo.

Well, ok. I lied. I did crop it and I did resize it. That was it! No colour corrections, no gamma, no contrast.

Off-Topic: There will be a continuation
of the previous conversation with WP.

Now I'm sure that someone in his fortified bunker in Kodiak is sure that I'm referring to the evil, wicked rainbow lorikeets that are working their way northward with intent to do him harm, but I'm not.

No, this mischievous grin and evil, twinkling eye-gleaming glint is brought to you by The Cat.

You may be more familiar with his full title: Lord And Master Of All He Surveys, Defender Of The Rift, Protector Of The Realm, Diefied Hope For All Catkind, His Royal Highness, Prince Bagheera.

It is now up to you, gentle readers, to figure out which myths, movies, and legends his titles refer to. Good Luck!

He has just hatched a wicked plot for feline dominion...
smiling cat
I'll have you know I sliced my ear in ritual sacrifice to Bast and Sekhmet.

I also, too, have a great pic of a lorikeets eye. I've only seen this type of pic on domesticated lorries, never on wild ones. I was very pleased to get this shot of the narrow rim of white betwixt the iris and the pupil of the eye. It only shows up in bright sun (or a flash if you have a lorrie in a cage) and you have to be pretty darned close.

Feast your eyes on this:
lorikeet eye

And here's the same bird with his/hers head turned so the eye is in the shade. You can just barely see a hint of the white outside the pupil.
lorikeet eye 02

It doth appear to me that a certain ex-governor of Alaska who aborted her term as guv has lost that wicked gleam in her eye. She looks very confused too, also.
confused sarah palin
Tawd! Go'an an fetch me muh shotgun! I's gots tuh hunt me sum media-tahpe folks.

Let's grind some gears!!!!

I have a pressie for you. It's wallpaper. And it's free. I have sized it to be 1.6 to 1 so it's perfect for a widescreen monitor. Well, I lied again... it's actually 1.5993399339933993399339933993399 (this continues, tedious, ain't it?) to 1. The dimensions are 2423 by 1515 so it should resize for pretty much any widescreen monitor. If you have a 4 to 3 (that's 1.3333333333333333 to 1) monitor and would like this for your wallpaper, just let me know (comments work well) and I'll make one for that size from the original, no worries.

And what is this great and awesome picture, you might ask? Here's a little pic of it. Just click on it to embiggin it and from there you can save it and set as your wallpaper.

The only thing I ask if you use it is to post a comment saying so. That's all! I'd kinda like to break the 20 comment mark (19 was me highest) so just let me know if you download it, no worries. Feel free to share it with your mates, just tell em wear (where) it came from, ta.

Shit! Picasa (or whatever blogger calls their photo hosting stuff) resized it to 1600 by 1000. If anyone really wants the 2423 by 1515 then lemme know and I'll email it direct, no worrie.










Just how the heck does dave plan to pay for the Fiji trip? Otherwise known as another conversation with Wifey-Poo.

We join our intrepid heroes in the middle of an arguement...

WP (Wifey-Poo, The Most Wonderful Woman In The Entire World): It'll never work! No one can be that gullible! *what did I ever do to deserve this?*

YT (Yours Truly. Don't swoon, I'm human!): Sure it'll work! I'll soon have everyone sending me --I mean us-- boatloads of cash!

WP: Not.

YT: To.

WP: Not!

YT: To!

editorial note; this went on for a while; for the sake (Mmmmmm, rice wine...) of brevity, I will fast-forward till YT and WP are done "not to-ing" each other. You're welcome.

WP: Well how do you know they are so gullible and dimwitted?

YT: Just look at these pics!

WP: Wow! They actually seem proud of their-there-they're stupidity and gullibilitynessitude.

YT: It'll be easier than taking candy from a baby!

WP: There's a problem though.

YT: ?????????

WP: Do any of them read your blog?

YT: Ummmmmmmmmm... hmmmmmmmmm...

WP: Didn't you tell me you have smart, kind, literate and educated readers?

YT: Damn! Forgot about that.

WP: *arms and crossed and foot taps on the floor*

YT: Aha! Maybe they aren't so smart after all!

WP: And you know this how?

YT: Not a single one of them got the reference to the Harrison Ford & Anne Heche movie Seven Days And Six Nights.

WP: Weeeelllllll, that's true.

YT: And no one got the "eureka" and the bathtub reference to Archimedes.

WP: Yeah... You know, this just might work!

YT: Now I just need to phrase it right to appeal to them...

To Be Continued!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Cutest Pictures EVER!

"Yeah, yeah. Sure dave." Yes, that's what I heard everyone in cyberspace say.

Now you are busy trying to figure out what the punchline for the post title is and whether or not I'll start with something cute and then end with something gross. Am I right?

That's not to say that I don't deserve the skepticism, mind you. I have been known put up pics of a cute, female, wild kangaroo and then follow the pics with a recipe for smoked roo sausage. Or perhaps I could show a pic of the cutest baby roo ever and then a pic of ground roo meat for burgers? No, wait, I already did that.

Hmmmmmm, I could just be gross and put up pictures of spiders as large as your hand and also a spider eating a bird. Or maybe closeups of ones I found in the pool...? Darn, I've already done each of those too.

Since I can't think up any nifty, smarmy, smartassed way of posting the following pictures and making then jokes about them, then how's abouts I just let them speak for themselves?

Bit of backstory: I am a great koala spotter (the permenant kink in my neck from staring upwards at the trees is proof). I am also a great picture-taker of the koalas that I spot.

I snapped a couple of quick ones of this sheila and then I wasn't going to take any more. I then noticed she looked a little different from the usual koalas I see. So I then took some more.

If you don't think that baby koalas are the absolute cutest critter ever (or at least in the top 5) then I have something to shout out to you:


But if you are telling the truth when you say that baby koalas aren't one of the cutest critters ever, then I can truthfully say, "You have no soul."

Just look at these pics and then try to say that baby koalas aren't cute!

First, mommy hiding the little brat. Then in the next four the little brat makes an appearance!

mama koala 01

mama and baby koala 01

mama and baby koala 02

mama and baby koala 03

mama and baby koala 04

BTW, momma and baby koala are wild. Those shots were not taken in a zoo or a preserve.

And now to get back to some stupidity: A conversation with WP.

YT (Yours Truly, that's me): Hey hon, let's go somewhere.

WP (Wifey-Poo, The Most Wonderful Woman In The Entire World): *He's going to be romantic! Tingle, tingle* What did you have in mind dear?

YT: Let's go to Fiji.


YT: Look at this! Our local RAA Travel Office from my RAA Insurance is having a great special. 7 Days and 6 nights at a luxury resort and round trip airfare.

WP: *As long as it doesn't end up like the movie* Ooooooooooo, that is nice. Wow! What a great price! One problem though.

YT: What?

WP: We need the money.

*YT thinks, thinks, and thinks some more*

YT: I know! There're banks nearby! We can be like Bonnie and Clyde!

WP: Hmmmmmm, that'd work. Oh wait, who'd take care of mom if we're caught?

YT: Good point.

*YT thinks some more*


*3 hours pass*

YT: Eureka!

WP: Have you been in the tub again?

YT: Of course not, silly.

WP: *and I was soooo hoping, sigh*

YT: Nope, I've figured out how we can get the money to go to Fiji!

WP: Oh do tell.

YT: Here's what I'll do...

To Be Continued

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

'Twas A Dark And Stormy Night!

Suddenly, a shot rang out!

A door slammed!

The maid screamed!

Lightning bolts forked down from the heavens!

Snoopy grinned maniacally from the top of his doghouse...

Did anyone get that? Does anyone remember the really cool Peanuts cartoons from the 60's and 70's?

Yeah, yeah. I know, most of you have heard of that era in the ancient history class that you slept through in High School. 'Sides, we all know that everything we now know comes from the 21st century and that's what matters! If it don't start with i- or e- than it's of no consequence. And heck, who was alive back then that even matters anymore.

Oh, that laughing you hear in the background? Just Rod Serling, never mind him.

And get off my lawn!! And outta my pool!!!!! Harumph!

Totally off-topic: There will be a "conversation with wifey-poo" at the end of this post.

Getting back to the storm... And it wasn't at night either.

We had a couple of days a few weeks ago when the wind was cranking hard from the north. That is odd this time of year. The wind direction meant that the surf was only half as high as you'd expect from a gale, but the skies were clear. And that meant that I could take some really cool pics on high speed w/o the pics being grainy. *Side note: if the pics were grainy then I'd ferment them suckers!*

I do know that pictures of waves and storms never tell the real story, and unless you know what you are looking for in the wave shots (spindrift, foam stringers etc), then it can be hard to imagine how fast the wind was blowing. But trust me, the wind was howling that day. Yes, I had to lean into it and carefully brace the camera on a railing with my legs splayed outwards just to get shots that weren't fuzzy. No sense using a tripod cus it would've been blown over.

And to think I used to be foredeck crew in yacht races in weather like this. Most times I'd "forget" to clip on... good thing I can swim, eh?

Here're (cool conjunctionally, conjoined, contraction, eh?) some pics of the surf.

To the untrained eye, this doesn't look like much.
wave surf 01
But notice the height of the people on the jetty, and then take another look at the waves.

I just love the way the light is shining through this breaker...
wave surf 02

Even more transparant water coolness.
wave surf 03

The bloke on the right is LATE! Very late.
wave surf 04

No surprise that he was left behind...
wave surf 08

This is normally a beach. No, it was not high tide.
wave surf 06

Hmmmmm, same beach.
wave surf 05

Perhaps now you'll see the foam blowing off the top of the whitecaps:
wave surf 07
Well, maybe not.

Notice how I framed the shot so the ocean horizon is lined up EXACTLY with the railing? Pretty good, huh?
wave surf 09

And here is wear-where-were I reward (Re-Ward; is that a secondary ward against weres?) your patience with a real, true, honest conversation betwixt WP (Wifey-Poo, otherwise known as The Most Wonderful Woman In The Entire World --perhaps I should move to Mars?) and YT (Yours Truly, that'd be me. No further adjectives are necessary, of course.)

*Remember, WP is a world famous novelist and arrrr-teeeest, whereas I'm just a dumb ex-truckdriver*

*we join our heroes in the middle of a talk --mainly cus YT couldn't remember how it started...*

WP: In addition to the transparency I had to throw in some kind of sfumato.

WP: And I even know what that word means! So there.

YT: So do I, of course.

WP: So what does it mean? *snicker*

YT: In what respect?

WP: Nice try, but don't play dumb.

YT: Well then, you are quite obviously mispronouncing a certain Italian sparkling wine, or you want me to make a particular type of pasta.

WP: *laughs hysterically* Not even close.

YT: Yes dear.


YT: You still haven't told me what size of spirali you'd like with your 3 bottles of spumante tonight.

WP: *Sob*

Friday, September 11, 2009

Just Wattling Around

Isn't "wattle" one of those cool words that's fun to say? Try it! Wattle. Wattle. Wattle. See what I mean. Kinda like "smock" and "fractal". Of course one of the neatest words to say is Big Bird's pronunskeeashun of the English alphabet. If you don't know what I'm talking about then, well, tough.

So wattle what? Yep, I heard you say that even through many miles of fibre-optic cable laid (what lucky cable) down over the ocean floor.

Wattlebirds are a type of honeyeater. And they are huge for a honeyeater. Like all honeyeaters they also eat bugs --the flying type. I know have a pair a red wattlebirds hanging out (probably fornicating and nesting) in the backyard since I tend to bug everyone.

The buggas are also very difficult to photograph. They never stay in one place too long --measured in nanoseconds, of course-- so it can be difficult (bloody well impossible) to get good, closeup pics of them showing their wattles.

Oh, if you don't know what "wattle" means then you may want to check out "the google", jus' sayin'.

Before I show you the most awesome pics of a male red wattlebird, I do believe that I should say or type something funny. Why? Well --for some unkown raisin-- I've been told that I'm funny. Sheeesh, you should see me when I first get up in the morning if you want funny!

How's abouts a crowd favourite...

Another conversation with Wifey-Poo!

Remember, YT is me (Yours Truly) and WP is Wifey-Poo (the most wonderful woman in the entire world).

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere we go.

YT: *comes in from outside* Mmmmm, I just ate my most favourite thing in the whole wide world.

WP: That's nice dear. *WTF is he going to babble on about now???*

YT: Yep, after I make rosti out on the hotplate of the grill I like to pick at the leftover, melted, solidified cheese the next day on the hotplate.

WP: I'm sure it was good. *OMG I did not need to hear that!*

YT: But last night as I was taking the last piece of rosti off the grill, a big ole hunk of melted cheese and shredded potato splattered onto the hotplate!


YT: Yup, darned tasty this morning! Of course I had to pick at the sides of the hotplate to get all the leftover melted fried cheese from last night too.

WP:... *I'm going to be sick*

YT: Mmmmm, kiss me honey!

WP: Get. A. Way. From. Me.

Ok, here's the purdy burdy pics:

red wattle bird 01

red wattle bird 02

red wattle bird 03

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Whereupon Everything Is Explained

Sort of. Kinda. Maybe.

Now (as I'm sure you are all aware) I have a "different" sense of humour. So does Wifey-Poo. Is it any surprise that even though untold millions of light-years were separating us (we took the long way, it's much cheaper) we still somehow managed to meet? And no, it wasn't via Ted Stevens' series of tubes neither.

Ok, so we both find the same types of happenings funny. Good thing, eh?


OT: for those of you too lazy to read through the comments from last post, I will be putting the captions up for the pics that I consider funny. The best one happens to be from some "lady" in Slow-daht-nuh. Unless, of course, WP is reading this and then every single one of WP's is by far the funniest.


Back --or front-- to the explaining.

After being down here in Oz for a certain untold number of decades, I have noticed something. Aussies have a cool sense of humour. No not all of them. Some of them. Ok, well maybe a few. But the important thing is a lot of the Aussies with a sense of humour seem to have jobs in the TV advertising industry.

If you don't believe just go to youtube and search on "Australian beer commercial". And yes, many of these are still being telecast. Especially during the cricket, the rugby, or the footy.

Which brings me to this next point, gadget, remark, or whatever.

We were watching the rugby match betwixt South Africa and Oz the other night. After the match (but before the interviews) there was a quick 5 second throwaway type thingy that someone at Channel 7 thought would be good.

S/he was right.

This is just so cool.

I HAD to rip it and post it here for your veiwing pleasure.

I'm sure Channel 7 won't mind. Much.

The first few times I watched it I didn't even notice the dinosaurs cuz I was too busy watching the fanged, fire-breathing kangaroo.

As Visa would say: Priceless.

Friday, September 04, 2009

It's Now YOUR Turn...

... to be funny! It's easy, trust me. Would I lie to you? Well, maybe, if you paid me. A lot.

I'm going to put up five (5) pictures that you haven't seen before. Well, if you are reading this for a second time then you have seen them the first time so if that's the case just pretend it's the first time.

Your mission --and please accept it, except if you don't want to-- is to add funny capshuns to them. The easiest way would be to use the comments, BTW. I'm sure some of you are funny (looking) or perhaps you have a tiny funny person inside you screaming to get out and tell your serious, projected persona to take a hike.

Either way, just to what a good Aussie would do: Give It A Go, Mate!

Before I put the pictures up, did you notice some funny things I've written and you've wreadden so far? See! It's easy! Make up words, use the wrong word, mix up words that sound the same but mean totally different things, etc.

Or you could try being stupid. Cus sometimes stupid is funny too. If you aren't sure weather or knot you can think, act, write, or say something stupid off the top of your head (close shave, bald yet?) then try this: What would Sarah Palin think? See? Perfect! Works every single time, you betcha!

Here are your pics. Some may be easy, some may not be. And no copying off someone else's paper or you'll get sent to the Principal's Office. It's the principle of the matter...

fluffy cockatoo

lorikeet on brick wall

cat flaunting himself

good head angle

hiding galah

Good luck, and don't worry cus I grade on a curve.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

The Crusty Old Fart & The Young Babe With Big Ta-Ta's

Yes, it's finally time for me to reveal my age to y'all. And, of course, to post some rather risque pics of a naked babe with big, full, soft, bouncing, delectable ta-ta's.

However, you'll have to wait for the pics cus I've got me some ramblin' to do first. And then I'll tell you my age --and probably ramble a bit more.

First up: Absolutely NO ONE even tried to guess the movie that contained this classic line;



They've all got it in fo' me!

I'm guessing it's cus by the time you read this post you were sure someone else would have already guessed it. *Ahem*

Yes, as you already know, it's from fairly recent movie (it's a talkie, therefore recent) from 1963. Carry On Cleo is the title, and the line was spoken by Kenneth Williams playing the part of Julius Caesar.

Yep, I'm *sure* y'all (k)new that!

Here, this next one is easy: In what Fairy Tale did Superman (Christopher Reeve, rest his soul) appear and what part did he play? --and no accessing Google OR IMDB cus that's cheating!





You have until I decide to post my next post at this here posting place; where I post.

Getting on with just how old I am... I've decided that I'm not going to post my age in years, or days, or any other system familiar to you. Now, Relatively speaking, I'm pretty darned young, but some Uncertainty arrives when I start using planks. Ok, I've probably just now confused everyone with the exception of two or three of my readers... Too bad.

Relatively speaking, I am 12 and 1/2 days old relative to the galactic centre of The Milky Way (that's the galaxy we live in, BTW) --as measured from the point of view of a light particle! Yup, still got me bottle! Good thing they still fill it with Everclear...

How did I arrive at this number? Well, quite simply I've traveled a bit over 200 billion miles through this particular galaxy. Actually it's 200,579,031,140 miles but who's counting. To calculate that I first found out how many miles I've traveled on the earth's surface relative to the center of the earth. Of course, I had to account for the multiple decades I spent at high latitudes and the oblong shape of this planet; but no worries it was fairly simple. I then figured out how many miles the Earth itself has traversed around Sol during my lifetime --accounting for the eccentricity of the orbit-- and added those together. I then calculated how far our Solar System has traveled through the Milky Way --not forgetting that our Solar System bobs up and down-- The total was 200,579,031,140 miles IN RELATION TO the galactic centre of The Milky Way.

And then it was a simple thing to find out how long it would take a photon to travel that distance. The answer is, of course, 12 days 11 hours 33 minutes and 1.877472 seconds, which I then rounded up to 12 and 1/2 days in light particle age!

Relatively speaking, you should be able to backwards calculate my age in Earth years, no worries. Go for it! Give it a go, mates.

Now, light age is in no Uncertain terms the end-all be-all of age calculation. Nope, it can get even more confusing! As we go to other end of the spectrum we have to make many assumptions, approximations, and just plain ole best guesses! Yes, you've guessed the next part: What's my Quantum age?

In order to calculate your Quantum age you need to calculate the Planck Time to a fairly certain degree of accuracy which is, of course, impossible. If you try you just end up with a big pile of tangled string --but that keeps the cat happy so he doesn't chew on my leg all night.

Here's the formula for calculating planck time --please note: for those of you who grew up coding on a single line this formula will make perfect sense. For the rest of you, just take a nap for a bit.


See? Isn't that simple? By using that formula one (Zoom, zoom! Off to Monte Carlo!) can easily calculate how long planck time is and then just simply convert one's age in years into planck time. (Un)Certainly!

As you can plainly figure out, this is my age in planck time:

748,079,800,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 planck time units old! Dang, just looking at that number makes my back hurt.

By now you are waiting rather impatiently for the naked pics of the babe with the big ta-ta's. I will now make you wait no longer! Cus I am nice.

Keep in mind these pics may not be work safe, but that sorta depends upon where you work, of course.



















honey bee 01

honey bee 02

honey bee 03

honey bee 04
Yeah baby, shake that booty!