This would of course mean that I'm feeling too bleedin' lazy to put up a real post and yet I pheal compelled to put something up else ya'll will think I fell of the face of the Earth (again).
That reminds me, I AM working on the rest of my 100% percent true Alien Abduction story so expect posts about that to appear sporadically and spasmodically throughout this coming century.
But for today YOU (yes YOU, not the other one but YOU) get to be creative!
YOU get to come up with either a caption, a short paragraph, or even a short story about a coupla pics that YOU are about to see. Obviously just use the comment function, no worries mates.
This first one can be tackled from many different angles. Is it an evil grin behind that mask or non at all? What is he planning? Who is he? What is he doing? And what exactly is that thing that is attached to his face?
Possibilities are endless mates! So put your tinfoil thinking caps, snort deeply from your powdery supply of scents of humor, and GIVE IT A GO MATES!
Now this second one is also an actual photo that I took. Although it was during a reconnaissance expedition of the third moon of Ceti Gamma Prime in the alien spaceship that I commandeered during my 100% TRUE Alien Abduction story and not here on Earth like the above photo was taken... Whoops! I've said too much, better take that blue pill now!
See how easy it is?
Here's the actual photo:
Oh wait, you'll definitely want to see it larger sized, and make sure you have a good squizz in all the shadowy areas for extra detailing and ideas for captions/comments/stories/etc.
Alrighty everyone! Go bang your funny bones on your collective door frames and let's see what YOU come up with!
Butt befour we get to this particular chapter in my completely true Alien Abduction story, I think it's best if I actually put up a few pics (and maybe even a video!!!) of some Aussie critters.
Why, you ask? Cuz it's been a while since I have, that's why! Or didn't any of you notice? No? Perhaps that's because I haven't been as much of the prolific posting personality as I used to be?
Well, whatever the reason, I shall now just shut up and show you some pics of Little Corella Cockatoos!
Obviously that morning was pretty overcast. Hey, we do sometimes see clouds down here! Those little corellas were part of a slightly larger flock:
And that was about a tenth of the flock!
Some of you may know (or knot) that when you get a fairly sizable group of birds together that they like to talk amongst themselves. Well, parrots are no different!
Would you like to know what the sound of a flock of little correllas sounds like at 7:00 AM?
Would ya?
Woodja woodja woodja?
Of course you would. But first you have to make sure your computer sound volume is turned to maximum as you want to make sure the whole office building or subdivision can share in your joy at hearing these bird.
Now on with my true alien abduction story! With everything recreated by Yours Truly (don't swoon ladies, I'm human!) with his awesomely perfect photographic memory! Yes, this is what REALLY happened! *wink*
In case you missed some earlier acts due to hanging out in the lobby chatting up the sheila or bloke behind the popcorn counter or perhaps toking up in the bathroom, here's a quickie recap!
Note: some of my astute readers may recognize the following paragraph verbatim from Act XII but I don't mind plagiarizing myself!
Yes, it's time for another installment in the completely, 100% true story of my alien abduction. Don't you remember? This was after I died after cutting myself shaving with a meat cleaver in the pool and was then brought back to an undead, brain-craving, zombie state from a lightning strike and then was transported up to the A.S.S. (Alien Space Ship) cus I struck the pyramid on top of my roof with my lightning-charged sledgehammer and was then transformed into an undead, brain-eating, hulking beast with a club roaming the cave-like corridors of the A.S.S. that had the rego number of C4P-PFP2012.
Whew! And just in case any of you need sausage lynx to the previous acts...
Now for a very brief picture recap! After which you'll get to see (and read) Act XV!
And here are some of those great, full-sized NON-PHOTOSHOPPED pics!
This one is from the passing, cloaked, Chinese spy satellite.
And here's one the Russians took from the ISS!
This is the one where I distinctly remember seeing the rego number on the A.S.S.
And remember, the Chinese spy satellite got a pic of the TOP of the A.S.S. too, also.
You may remember that after I materialized inside the A.S.S the aliens then activated some sort of hologramaphic device that changed the corridors to caves. I distinctly remember charging through the caves and encountering this sign:
I quickly hung a left (me being rather left-leaning) and as I charged down the cavern the rock walls changed back into the actual, real corridors of the A.S.S. However, I was still my lightning-charged, zombie-ized, club-wielding, brain-eating undead self. Fortunately, my body had retained it's original, studly self!
Now begins Act XV of my TRUE Alien Abduction!
Whilst charging down the corridor onboard the A.S.S. in search of alien brains to eat as I was still in my zombie state, I passed through several doors that opened and closed automatically as I raced towards what I hoped was the control room of the A.S.S. so that I could eat some tasty alien brains and just hopefully find an escape pod to get back to Oz and perchance find a way to get back to what passes for normal for me.
*Isn't that an awesomely great sentence from Yours Truly (don't swoon ladies, I'm human!) that I typed all by me oneses and Wifey-Poo (Most Wonderful Woman In The Entire World) tells me is actually grammatically correct?*
Just as I was beginning to think the A.S.S. with the rego number C4P-PFP2012 (remember kiddies, Gene Roddenberry proved that all space ships have rego #'s painted on the outside in English!) was totally deserted, I arrived at a pair of doors that hopefully led to the control and some tasty alien brains... and the door was GUARDED!
By aliens!
Imagine my surprise as my zombie self became the first Earthling to come face to face with REAL aliens!
Just
imagine
the
shocked
look
on
my
face!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Yeah, I'm quite sure I looked EXACTLY like that!
And what did I see in front of me?
Glad you asked mates!
And now we finally get to see what the alien guards who are guarding the door which may or may not be an entrance to the control room look like!
Are you ready?
Are you sure?
As you can tell, this is about to get... shall we say... Interesting?
Stay tuned for Act XVI as more silliness comes your way from the merry old land of Oz!
Yes folks, my memories of my time aboard the Alien Space Ship (A.S.S) are starting to come back to me in much more better and fuller colour than ever! Well, a new computer and new 3d software helps too... sorta, kinda.
I'm sure that my long time readers will remember the first 13 acts of my abduction; How I died, came back to life as a lightning-charged, sledgehammer-wielding, brain-eating zombie, was transported up to the A.S.S. and am now roaming the A.S.S (rego number C4P-PFP2012) looking for alien brains to eat. Right?
Oh, you mean some of you just may have forgotten? No worries mates, lemme give you the links to the whole story up till now!
At this point as I charge from the signpost in the caverns (holograms, remember) towards what I was hoping was the control room I noticed a change occuring in my surrounds.
The cavern faded and was replaced by what was obviously an A.S.S. passageway, the lighting became more subdued, the stalactite I was carrying became more defined and I became even more studly looking than before! (Ain't new 'puters great?)
And with that I continued to charge towards the control room of the A.S.S.!
It has come to my attention that I just may, just MAYBE, might've left one or too loose ends hanging around this ole bloggie thingy.
Butt, four at least won of them, there is a guud reazin!
*Psst! Mind-Controlling Evil Alien Abductors to Dipshit dave: CAN THE STUPID SPELLIN' CRAP NOW!*
Do I seriously need to remind all my legions of loyal readers that I was abducted by aliens a while ago? For those of you who know me, this will come as absolutely no surprise and will probably explain a great many things about Yours Truly (don't swoon ladies, I'm still human!)
Did anyone notice that approximately eight hundred eighteen thousand six hundred forty-three minutes ago (but who's counting?) that the completely 100% TRUE story of my alien abduction was aborted after Chapter XIII was filed?
Would the one or two of you who noticed the stoppage like to know just exactly why the story stopped abruptly? Wouldja wouldja wouldja??????
It was because of a computer crash. As in seriously, hugely DEAD!
Obviously Wifey-Poo (The Most Wonderful Woman In The Entire World) went straight out and got me a new one (computer, that is) and over the next few days I rescued as much data off the dead hard drive as I could.
And then "other things" started to happen. No, the aliens didn't return and I was not turned back into the lightning-charged, sledgehammer-wielding zombie I had been during my abduction. It was just "stuff".
I also (this is the important part!!!!!!!!!!!) was not able to rescue my dsb daz3D files that contained some rather pertinent information regarding just how I looked whilst I was aboard The Alien Space Ship (henceforth called The A.S.S.).
Fortunately through the miracle of modern technology and some rather late night 3D doodling by Yours Truly (don't swoon ladies, I'm human!), I was able to completely replicate just exactly how anatomically correct I looked whilst on board The A.S.S.
And not only do I look like I really did, I was able to recreate all the A.S.S. hallways, lighting, windows, controls too! And also too what they looked like!!!!
So everyone puh-leez stay tuned for Alien Abduction Chapter XIV, Charge of The Heavy Brigade! Coming soon to a blog near you.
Yes folks, it's time for yet another installment of my completely true story of my very recent alien abduction! Whilst I was a lightning-charged, undead, brain-eating, sledge-hammer wielding zombie, of course.
Confused yet? Don't worry, it happens to me all the time.
And I'll even give you a quickie text recap: I cut my neck whilst shaving in the pool with a meat cleaver. Wifey-Poo gave me a burial at sea (pool) with my sledgehammer and duct tape. Lightning storm re-animated me. Charged me and sledgehammer with lightning. Whilst I was on the roof, I bonged the pyramid (we really have one on the roof) with the charged sledgehammer which then transported me to the A.S.S. (alien space ship) with the rego number of C4P-PFP2012. Upon my arrival the aliens activated a type of illusory hologram so that I appeared to be in a cave complex and yet I retained my actual appearance!
Just scroll back up and open the links to see real photographic evidence of all these happenings, no worries.
When I last posted, I had just stumbled upon this sign:
Ahhhh, perhaps a nice retreat to a clean, beautiful, serene, sub-arctic lake would be nice... Perhaps it's springtime and there's a few other lakes around with a bit of rotten ice still around. Ahhhhhhhhhh...
Ahhhhh, bliss. Enough to melt anyone's heart... Ahhhhhh, day-dreaming of Lake Lucille
But wait! What if...
if
it's
the
actual
R E A L
Lake Lucille
in Wasilla!
On NO!!!!
Obviously an alien creature that large and powerful must have a HUGE brain! And since I was still a brain-eating zombie at this point, I decided there was only ONE (1) (won) thing to DO!
And just when you thought it was safe to go back into outer space! Bwuhahahhahahhahah!
Yes, it's time for another installment in the completely, 100% true story of my alien abduction. Don't you remember? This was after I died after cutting myself shaving with a meat cleaver in the pool and was then brought back to an undead, brain-craving, zombie state from a lightning strike and then was transported up to the A.S.S. (Alien Space Ship) cus I struck the pyramid on top of my roof with my lightning-charged sledgehammer and was then transformed into an undead, brain-eating, hulking beast with a club roaming the cave-like corridors of the A.S.S. that had the rego number of C4P-PFP2012.
Does that ring any bells?
Perhaps this handy list of links will refresh your mammaries --oops, memories!
Everyone caught up now? No? Seriously, if you haven't read those posts about this entirely true episode in my life then when you read Act XII you'll be even more confused than you are now.
So just, at least, go back and skim them posts, eh? I'll wait, no worries.
Aaaaaaannnnnd for those of you who didn't read those posts, how's abouts a quickie photo recap...
Here's me dead in the pool
Then I come back to life in my zombie, lightning-charged state:
Contacting the A.S.S.
Here I am blasting into orbit
A Chinese spy satellite caught this pic from afar
See, it really is the name of their ship!
I got a good look at the rego number:C4P-PFP2012!
And here I am on board the alien ship! This was, of course, after they had activated some sort of holographic illusion thingy to make me think I was underground! For some reason they kept my body just as it normally is...
Ok! Is everyone "up to speed" with the story so far? I'm an undead, brain-eating, HUGE zombie on board the A.S.S. (rego # C4P-PFP2012) and I'm just about to step out of the holographic cave and into a holographic cave corridor in an attempt to somehow find my way back to South Oz, become NOT undead anymore, and hopefully eat a few alien brains along the way!
Whew! I need to give my fingers a rest... They are SSSSSSSSS-MOKIN'!
Alien Abduction Act XII
It was at this point I decided to leave the "cave" I was in and try to find either the control room or the engine room! And I felt sure I was to meet up with some aliens along the way and eat their brains!
I
c a u t i o u s l y
c r e p t
o u t
i n t o
t h e
c o r r i d o r
Grrrrrrr! Where's the alien brains? I's feelin' HUNGRY! Feed me Seymour, feed me!
I raced down the corridor, hair flying in all directions!
As I rounded a corner...
... I skidded to a screeching halt in front of this signpost!
To say I was shocked would certainly be the understatement of the millennium! AAAAAAAAAIIIIIII-EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
I quite obviously realised that one way led to the control room, and the other led to the engine room. But which? And why the code and the weird lettering?
As I pondered which way to go, I heard a faint whirring of motors. Like the ones that control a hidden camera!
I. Was. Being. Watched!
But by whom?
And why?
And when was I gonna get to eat the alien brains?
And just WHAT is controlling this whole illusion that makes me see things that aren't there?
And why the cave system? Do they think I'm a mushroom and want to keep me in the dark and feed me b*llsh*t all day?
Who.
Could.
It.
Be?
. . . . . . . .
. . . . . . .
. . . . . Eeeeeeee, hee-hee-hee! I'll get you, my pretty. And your little bloggie too, also! Hee-hee-hee-heeeee!
Yes, it's true! The long untold story of my alien abduction continues! There was a momentary (6 week) lapse in the story due to some soft- & hardware probs, but the brain surgery was a success so it's time to entertain you some more!
Whew! Is everyone now all caught up with the completely true, 100% factual story of my alien abduction whilst I was a lightning-charged, undead, brain-eating zombie with magic sledgehammer?
Just boggles the ole brain, don't it?
For those of you too lazy to reacquaint yourselves with the story, lemme add the last few pics so you sorta have an idea of how you just may be able to possibly think about perhaps slightly understanding just what the heck is going on somewhere in orbit above Oceania at this very moment, too, also.
Remember, a Chinese spy satellite was tracking my whereabouts at the time and got this great pic!
And as I approached I was able to make out the A.S.S.'s rego number! C4P-PFP2012??? What could that possibly mean?
And then I materialized inside the A.S.S. (Alien Space Ship)!
Now, this is the point that things started to get a little weird (er). So pay attention kiddies!
I seem to remember that right after I materialized in the A.S.S. that there was an odd shimmering and everything changed to a cave/tunnel network. And, more importantly, I changed back into my normal, mundane, self --except for the fact that I was still craving brains. I quickly reasoned that any space-faring critters should have ample brains to eat. The rego of the A.S.S. which was C4P-PFP2012 had, of course, completely slipped my mind during the transformation.
I also deduced that I was still aboard the A.S.S. and that it was some sort of holographic illusion. Perhaps something similar to what happened to a Starship crew in the episode called "Catspaw" from ST:TOS. Oh, you know, that telly show from the 60's that Gene Reddenbacher was inspired to make (bloody-well stole every idea) from the 1956 movie Forbidden Planet with Leslie Nielson? Ah, now you know what show I'm talking about.
Anyways, I was able to re-create the transformation scene from my memory of the event! Would you like to see it?
Of course you would, otherwise you wouldn't have read this far.
Yup! I'm right back to normal!
Now it's time for me to go cautiously down the tunnel in search of alien brains, the control room, the head honcho, and a way back to Australia!
Butt before we get to that, I have some things I need to get off my chest --like this tattoo that says "I love you, man!".
Y'all 'member last post? Oh, c'mon, the one where I used lots of swear words and was all pissy.
Ah yes, you do remember. Good.
I have been hoping that someone, anyone, would comment about it. Butt no, not a single one of you did. Did any of you try to tell me to lighten up? No. Did any of you offer a shoulder to cry on? No. Did I lose/gain any readers? Nope, not a chance --well, I may have lost some.
Did anyone realize it was one big, bloody joke???????? Not just No, butt HELL NO!
Witch brings me to my next thingy-doo-dad that I was tagged with a while back (just trawl through the last 10 posts or so and you'll figure it out): Just Another Thing You Won't Learn About Me By Reading This Blog!
I'm a nice guy.
Really, I am.
No, seriously! I am!
When BIL (shall we just call him "Mike"?) got his Masters degree just who do you think had the video recorder set up on the tripod so that MIL (shall we just call her "mum"?) could see her youngest obtain serious accolades? Yup, Yours Truly (that's me, don't swoon ladies as I'm human) was not only doing the duties but he also took Mike to a celebratory lunch at a high-class pub afterwards.
Every week I do a mechanical once-over of mum's wheelchair.
Wifey-Poo gets massages whenever she needs them.
I give rides to strangers. Yes, I really do. There was one time when I was dropping off WP and mum at the doctors office when a very lost Nigerian gentlemen asked me for directions to a side street in the area. Once I made sure that WP and mum were fine I tried to direct him to the street in question. I could see that he was not going to be able to find his way so I gave him a lift to not only the street but to the house where he needed to go.
I also fetch items off of high shelves in the grocery store for little old ladies and gentlemen. In fact it has sorta become a habit that when I see someone elderly stopped in the aisle looking up that I do ask if they need anything from up high. 9 times out of 10 they do.
I took Mike grave-robbing so many times for the research of his PHD that I still respond to calls of, "Hey, Igor!"
The last time we moved house it took A LOT of trips in a rental truck. Guess who did the driving and moving without too much bitching? Yup, Yours Truly.
I've stayed up all night for a week keeping an eye on mum when she was going through a "bad patch".
I've rescued orphaned, baby mouses.
And if any of you ever decide to come down for a visit I can promise that you'll have a place to crash at, be fed gourmet meals (unless I'm cooking --I JOKE!), hang out in the pool, have loads of good home brew, and I'll even pick you up from the airport --or the beach if you came by boat.
So do ANY of you really think that I was really swearing and bitching like that in the last post?
As my regulars will also know, I like playing around with 3d programs. Been doing that for almost ten years now. I am, however, still trying to get good glacial ice with, ahhhhh, inexpensive (free) programs. But I do have sunset colours down quite well as the beach faces westward here and we are about a mile from it.
What do you think of this?
Here's a contest for you:
Did dave, Yours Truly (don't swoon ladies, I'm human), make this sunset in 3d? Or did he actually take this photograph? Or did he shamelessly steal the image from an online source?
The first correct answer in the comment section wins something. Don't know what but I'm sure the winner and I will come to some sort of arrangement.
And now what you've all been waiting for...
Alien Abduction Act X My arrival onboard the A.S.S.!!!!!!!
Just a quickie recap for you, the name of the alien craft is A.S.S. which, of course, stands for Alien Space Ship. Well, what else could it mean? Perverts. And remember that the rego of the A.S.S. is C4P-PFP2012 and in my zombie state at the time I had no idea what that meant.
C'mon, as any zombie I was just wanting to eat some brains!
In case you have joined me late, here's a quick pic recap!
Which, of course, brings us to my stealthy arrival in a corridor of the A.S.S. This was just before I materialized --please note the A.S.S. is parked above Oceania!
And then there's a bright flash!
And I slowly start to materialize... Hmmmmm, something appears to be slightly wrong with dave...
Yes folks, my smashing of the pyramid atop my house with my lightning-charged sledgehammer whilst in my zombie state had caused the alien transporter beam to become totally discombobulated! It had somehow taken my awesome brainpower and shoved it into my muscles!
And just what type of aliens would I find aboard the A.S.S. rego'd as C4P-PFP2012? And would there be any brains at all for me to eat?
Those 2 questions (and probably lots more) just might be answered soon so STAY TUNED to this channel!
Yes folks! You finally get to learn the identity of the Alien Space Ship that abducted me while I was an undead, lightning-charged, sledge-hammer wielding, brain-eating, Zombie!
I'm not like than anymore. In fact, I'm back to my normal, sane, healthy self! For what THAT'S worth...
Before you get to read about Act IX, can I tell (write) you a few things? Yes? Great.
Firstly, this years' total tomato(e) tally was *drum roll please* 1,287. That's a nice lot of tomatoes I must say. Oh, my ultra-hot chillis are ready to be harvested --always let them not only ripen but start to dry while still on the plant that way they are even spicier.
Nextly, another Thing You Won't Learn About Me By Reading This Blog! I was tagged a while back and I'm kinda doing one thing per post. Perhaps one of my regular readers could let me know when I reach 7? Ta. Here it is: I didn't garden or grow nuthin' back in Alaska. Seriously! For one thing I was too busy working. And I've found out that flora grows very easily down here. Heck, take a dry stick and shove it in the ground, next time you look at it it'll be a full grown apple tree! Easy-peasy!
And the final thing before I turn you over to Act IX, I have some nice rainbow lorikeet pictures for you. 4 of them, in fact.
Please feel free to caption them if you so desire --comments ARE enabled and have always been.
And one more thing: We just had our fall equinox down here (and yes, the moon is upside down here also, too) which means it's now frightfully cold. 90F in the shade, 84 F in the pool, and 118 F in the sun. Sigh, someone wake me when summer comes back, wouldja?
Alrighty! Last we left our hero (that'd be me) I was still a zombie and was being transported up to the alien ship after smashing the pyramid on top of our house with my lightning-charged sledgehammer. I'm sure I don't have to remind you this is a TRUE story.
Oh, I just had a thought! How's abouts a quick photo recap for those who came in late? Don't worry, I'm using smaller sized pics so it should load quick.
There! Everyone knows what is going on now? Good, perhaps you could tell me --just kidding.
As I was approaching the alien ship in the transporter beam I distinctly remember seeing some lettering on the ship. Obviously this must be the ship's name and registration number. I mean c'mon, Gene Roddenberry PROVED that all space ships have the name and rego on them in a language that we can all read! I think right now the US space ships are identified by the drug of choice of the previous prez. At present it's Coke. And before then it was Viagra! And when there's a new prez then the labeling will be changed to Marlboro.
Ok, back to the story...
So would you all like to know the name and rego of this alien ship that abducted me? Since I have a fotografeek memory I just plugged myself into the ole scanner and shot this image into the ole series of tubes:
I reasoned it of course was an abbreviation of Alien Space Ship. Not very imaginative are they?
The rego (aussie slang for car registration number) confused me. In my zombie state I couldn't think of what it may stand for... C4P-PFP2012??? What in the world could that mean??
But I didn't have time to dwell on it as the transport beam shoved me headfirst into the A.S.S. designated C4P-PFP2012. In my zombie state all I could think about was just how juicy and tasty and HUGE the brains of the aliens must be!
