Friday, January 22, 2010

Alien Abduction Act I

This really is a true story! I'm not kidding. It. Happened. Of course I was an undead, brain-eating, sledgehammer weilding zombie at the time, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

But first I need to tell you that there'll be a couple of other things in this post. Something about Wifey-Poo will be appearing and this time you get actual photos of The Most Wonderful Woman In The Entire World. Before that though, you get the first act of my Alien Abduction! And before that you get to hear (read) about the tomato season thus far.

To sum up:

Firstly, tomatoes.

Nextly, alien abduction --the beginning!

Lastly, pics of Wifey-Poo.


We planted 11 plants this season. We have so far harvested 592 tomatoes and 135 of them were just this morning. Mmmmmmmmm, tomatoes... drooooooo-al! We eat those tomatoes, if you are wondering.

Is it possible to OD on lycopene? Hmmmm... I've had this urge to go stand barefoot in a plant pot loaded with cow shit and then hang out there all day long in the sun. Of course lately it's gotten even more urgent since I started eating lots of tomatoes.

Maybe it's just me?

Alien Abduction Act One!

It all started one day in the pool. Does that surprise any of you? The story begins on the day of my yearly hat cleaning which, coincidently, coincided with my annual bath (whether I need it or not!). Fortunately it was a warm day otherwise I'dve froze in the pool.

First I had to assemble the necessary stuff:

And of course there's the proper footwear!

Make sure you rinse yourself and the hat BEFORE shampooing

dave gets an idea!

This way I'll clean both the hat and my hair at the same time!

Plop that hat on!

Make sure everything is lathered well:

See? It works!

Always rinse well

Now it's time for the soap! And I have just the perfect applicator:

First, soap the dimpled pool ball well,

and then start scrubbing them thar stinky bits!

Make sure you get all the stinky bits...
No, you really didn't see this. It's a figment of your fertile imagination!

This should give you enough of a lead-in for an alien abduction, I'm sure. Act II will feature something else in the pool which leads to an alien abduction!

No conversation with Wifey-Poo this time. Or as I like to call her, The Most Wonderful Woman In The Entire World! Hey, she puts up with me, doncha know.

A friend of mine from Squarebanks recently found me on twitter and said, "Last we saw of our hero he was heading South with a smoking hot Aussie redhead." I figure these two pics of WP will show what he means.




Anonymous said...

Still no aliens, but will wait in rapt attention.

dragonfly said...

Tomatoes: wow, that is a LOT of tomatoes! Yummy.

Dave bathing in pool: um...speechless! And when do we get to the aliens?!

WP: she's lovely :)

Alaskan Dave Down Under said...

ScienceyBloke: No worries, the aliens are on there way! The first few acts are setting the scene and building suspense, doncha know.

AvianDraco: We are now up to 709 tomatoes!
I thought I'd put the pool pics up to give y'all a break from your winter. Did it work? Aliens are coming, don't worry mate.
Now you know why I married WP. Plus the fact her IQ is 50 points higher than mine and I qualified for mensa.

Karl said...

Yah, dude - I forgot to say HOW hot...

Hotter than 102 pounds of stolen plutonium...

(He's a lucky man, isn't he, WP?)

Glad you like the bowl ;) I gotcher message.


Karl said...

@dragonfly - I think you meant to say 'Dave bathing?'

Alaskan Dave Down Under said...

Karl: As hot as an Aussie summer, she is!

I showed MIL the bowl, she loves it. Her great-grandfather (MIL is 80 BTW) was a cabinet maker and wood worker and she says your craftmanship is exquisite.

Karl: If you are referring to that time I didn't shower or bath for a month before a fencing tournie, nor wash my uniform, I'll have you know I had a damned good reason!

Karl said...


Glad you like the bowl - amazing what you can do with some bits of firewood...

Yeah, uh-huh - wish you coulda shared the reasoning beforehand... ::retch:: That was almost as bad as the 'Sauerbraten Incident'. Hell, the Army Chemical Corps showed up for that one.

captcha word definition:
dente - level of doneness for pasta - named for Al Dente, inventor of palatable pasta.