From Wifey-Poos Store of Useless Information

And before any of you get upset at that, I'm not the one who calls it that! She does. I tell her it's not useless! Nothing with Wifey-Poo is ever useless, trust me on that.

Now if she's reading this then I won't have to sleep on the couch tonight!

First though, how's abouts a birdy pic from the backyard? Kids, don't try this at home!


Just HOW do they do that?

Back to the information from Wifey-Poo.

We were watching a show on the telly the other night. The show was from the year 1981 and I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out by reading what Wifey-Poo said whilst we were watching it.

Wifey-Poo: Did you know the lady playing Trillion was married to Peter Davison and they had a daughter named Sophia Miles who was engaged to Tennant so she was not only the wife of The Doctor but also almost his Mother-In-Law?

Yours Truly: Ummmmm... Yes dear.

I made some more braided bread the other day. Some of you may have seen this on me twitter timeline, but it may to new to many of you:



Pretty cool looking, eh?

Step Right Up and ALL Your Questions Will Be Answered!

Yes indeedy all you little ladies! Just step right up to the Imaginarium of Doctor Dave and all your answers will be questioned!

or something like that

Can anyone guess what film we watched last night? Anyone? Just leave a comment. HINT: It really plumm-s the depp-ths...

Butt I do have two answers for you --don't swoon ladies, I'm human-- instead of only the one you may or may not have been expectorating.

Firstly: why my but was sore and bruised. It has to do with my back. And pressure points. Yes, I had a visit to my chiro a week before my birthday. Wee-Hoo!!!! Happy Birthday to me; here dave, go ahead and treat yourself to a sore ass!

Butt no, it really did help. She had to do some serious work on the pressure points of my right glute with her elbow in order to get the swelling and pain to go away. It worked! She really is amazing, dontcha know. Heck, I can even go in for stuffed sinuses and a few deftly applied thumbs to the top of my neck and all the sinus pressure is GONE.

Alice is cool. Ummmmm, that's Dr Lay actually.

Much better than modern drugs. Butt that's just me.

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Next answer: My age.

It's sorta kinda like gettin' up there. *wink*

In fact, I am now 2.659009203 *10 ^ 53 planck time units old, and my back with its 4 compressed vertebrae, off-kilter pelvis, off-kilter shoulders, and twisted neck vertebrae feel EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of those planck time units.

I suspect that 3 (three) of my readers can figure out my age. The rest of you can go bugga off mates!

Ha-rumph.


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It's been a while since I've put up some pictures of Australian wildlife. I shall fix that problem.

I think this lorikeet had it's neck lock. I can relate.

Dude, just give Alice a ring! She'll fix it!

It's quite common for Aussie ladies going au natural to ask me if I think their butt is too big. Here's proof.

Ooooh dave, does my butt look too big?

Wouldn't you just hate to wake up with this bloke staring at you?




The other day I noticed this critter. Not sure whether it's an ant pretending to be a spider or a spider pretending to be an ant. Either way, I wasn't gonna get any closer!

Judging by the eyes, I'm guessing spider.

There's a koala asleep here somewhere...




Oh, why look! Here it is:




This flying bloke picked just the COOLEST LOOKING plant to hang out on!




Just now many cats can YOU find in this picture?




As always just leave your guesses in the comments to anything I may or may not have mentioned, no worries mates.

One last thing... As I'm sure you have all already sent birthday presents/offerings to me (don't swoon ladies, I'm human) I have, most regrettably, yet to receive any of them. Therefore I've decided that all the birthday pressies I receive from you, my loyal readers, shall be put under the tree for Christmas.

Just remembered!

A conversation with Wifey-Poo!

Just a reminder, WP is Wifey-Poo, otherwise known as The Most Wonderful Woman In The Entire World, and YT is Yours Truly --don't swoon ladies, I'm human.

*YT walks into mission control (the 'puter room) carrying his best steel wok*

YT: Honey?

WP: Yes dear? *crap, what does that idiot want now?*

YT: I need to check my tags. Do you know where they are?

WP: ??????????? *????????????????*

YT: You know, my hunting tags.

WP: I'm totally clueless with this one. *can't he EVER let me work without some dumbass conversation?*

YT: I just need to make sure it's the right time of year for this.

WP: For what?

YT: Well, I need to season the wok!

WP: *SOB*


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And on a final note... If none of you ask where I got or why I use the fraze "don't swoon ladies, I'm human" then I'm just gonna... ummmm, errrrrr, KEEP USING IT!

So there.

More Australian Critter Pictures AND Videos!

Ok, ok. I can take a hint. Sheesssshhhhhh! Y'all are quite obviously sick and, of course, tired of my 3d stuff. Or at least judging by the almost complete and total lack of reaction from everyone whilst I regaled the story of my totally true alien abduction.

Therefore, I will finish up the story in one or 2 more acts. I was going to really string it out if folks were enjoying it, but I think onl2 or 3 of you are --big shout out to Fizzgig!

So, hows abouts I show you some Aussie critter pictures and videos with, of course, my own unique capshuns? If you don't like them, then don't look at them. Oh, and I think I should be able to squeeze in a Conversation with Wifey-Poo too, also.

You know how there are times when you wake up and your hair is so unruly you can't do a damned thing with it? Or if you've been wearing a hat for a while and you get "hat hair"? Yes, you know what I mean. It usually happens when you have an important meeting or interview that day, right?

Well (and that's a deep subject) it can happen to me too! Yep, no joke folk!

This is what happens when you've a few too many homebrews and you pass out on a branch whilst sitting on your butt, naked --for a long time. You end up with what is colloquially known as "branch butt hair"!

You

think

I'm

jolking?

Fotografic evidence!





Of course when your butt hair looks like that and some hairless primate has captured it all on camera to show the world, you really need to climb higher to get away from the jerk.


Having your right buttock and leg still asleep really doesn't help!




Yeeeeaahhh... this looks like it'll support me!




I AM being careful, darnit! You don't see me doing anything stupid, do you? Of course not you stupid primate.




In Oz the critters ALWAYS have right-of-way:





Are you SURE this is my best side? And don't you dare make me look fat!







Damn! WP and I had a perfect conversation and this time SHE was the punny one. Neither of us can remember it now... Sh*t. Anyways, just think of WP and I chatting casually and phunnily back and forth, you'll really laugh cus it was funny so just imagine it.

Or imagine it and put it in the comments.

Alien Abduction Act VII: Zombie Dave Is Transported To The Alien Warship!

Woo-Hoo! Finally the start of the episodes that you really want to see! Remember, I'm piecing this all together from not only Wifey-Poo's recollection of events down here on Earth, but from my deep, dark, dank, sub-conscious which was, of course, dutifully recording all the events that transpired on the alien warship so that I might faithfully put them down to words and pictures for your enjoyment!

But... (and it's a great, big butt) there are a few things to write about first.

Did any of you blokes notice that last Sunday the 14th of February, 2010 was Valentines day? And did any of you blokettes out there notice that your bloke forgot that last Sunday the 14th of February, 2010 was Valentines day?

Note: If you are a blokette who has a sheila for a partner, then I must say you've both had a great Valentine's Day since you both obviously remembered. If you're a bloke with a bloke partner however, neither of you have any idea what holiday I'm talking about, so no worries mates and grab another slab of tinny's!

So, Valentine's Day. Also known as the most commercially manufactured holiday EVER! So what did Yours Truly (don't swoon ladies, I'm human) and Wifey-Poo (The Most Wonderful Woman in The Entire World) do?

We went to a restaurant that not only had neither of us been to, but we'd never had that cuisine.

Nepalese food rocks! Very much like Indian --hey, the Kathmandu Valley is very very very close to India, doncha know--, but with some subtle differences.

Check out a very nice restaurant in Glenelg! Go ahead and peruse the menu, no worries. If you've got your speakers turned on then you already know what I had. Yes, I had the Khasi Tarkari --goat curry.

Most excellent! Delicious! Tender pieces of goat that melt in your mouth!

And the roti was to die for! Best roti I've ever had and that includes the stuff I make myself.

Highly recommended.

The other thing we did was wander around Glenelg and take loads of pictures. Summer at Glenelg beach and foreshore, 100 F, in Oz, on a weekend... Yup, lot's of photo ops! But I'm sure none of you in that other hemisphere would be in the least bit interested in seeing the photos so they'll keep. I'll tell ya though, the EMT babes on mountain bikes patrolling around were pretty hot!

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Did you know that The Cat --His Royal Highness, Lord And Master Of All He Surveys, Defender Of The Innocent, Lord Of The Rift, and All-Around Good-Guy, Prince Bagheera-- is musically inclined?

It's true; I kid you knot! He loves to play a reed flute! In fact, he even makes his own! I'm impressed. I finally got a good picture of The Cat --His Royal Highness, Lord And Master Of All He Surveys, Defender Of The Innocent, Lord Of The Rift, and All-Around Good-Guy, Prince Bagheera-- making a reed flute!

Here he is very carefully putting holes in the reed:


He has to be very careful chomping the holes in the reed as his jaw and fangs can easily break the bones in your hand! I know this from experience.

Oh, there's a contest going on, you betcha! Remember this photo?


Well (and that's a very deep subject), since no one has tried to guess what critter it was that left the "sign" and what it was eating (No, it WASN'T me!), I've decided to give you a hint. At the end of this post. AND the cash prize is down to US$5 cus I really think you'll figure it out. Of course, you'll have to read about me being transported to the alien warship first...



Alien Abduction Act VII! Dave finds the alien transporter!!!!

When we, meaning the clan or family unit, moved into this house a few years ago we noticed there was a pyramid on the top of the roof. In fact, this pyramid is even visible from outer space --probably visible from inner space too, but that's a totally different bedtime story for you kiddies.

See? Here's the satellite shot of the pyramid on the roof:




Now let me show you the view I have from the ground. And keep in mind that, for some unknown reason, the pyramid on the roof of the house we've been living in for the last 3 years seemed to strangely attract me when I was an undead, lightning-zapped, brain-eating, re-animated, living-undead, sledge-hammer wielding zombie!

This is the view I'd see each morning as the UV fried my dead eyeballs:




Naturally, being a zombie, I just HAD to get a closer look!




At this point something dark, sinister, and deeply buried inside me must've just SNAPPED! Lightning began shooting out of my sledge-hammer and I shot like a bolt up to the rooftop to do battle with the Evil Alien Pyramid!

With this Sledge-Hammer, I shall slay thee demon-alien spawn!




A titanic battle ensued betwixt my zombie self and the Evil Alien Pyramid, the likes of which not seen since the first mate of the Titanic got the Captain stoned and he steered her into an iceberg (thank you Jamie Brockett)!




My zombie self somehow found the force of will to finally land a mighty blow of the lightning-charged sledgehammer upon the Evil Alien Pyramid!




The mighty force from my sledgehammer opened an inter-dimensional portal to the Evil Alien Warship and I rocketed upwards to wage war with the Evil Aliens and eat their brains --cus that's what zombies do, dontcha know *wink*.




Stay tuned for Alien Abduction Act VIII: Zombie Dave Battles The Aliens!


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I gotta tell ya the more I recollect about my completely, 100% factual, honest-to-god, alien abduction, the more glad I am that my abduction wasn't like what others report. Cus the standard alien abduction usually goes something like this:

"Duh, hu-yuck. Ah wuz dravin' thru duh cornfields afta droppin' off muh cuzzin laight at naight when allovuhsuddenlike ah see's these goll-danged briaght liaghts. Next thin' ah knows is thaight ah'm ona 'peratin' tay-bull with weird stuff bein' shoved up muh butt. Now's since eet whunint Friaday naight down at th' bar ah's phigurred it muhsta been them dang-ed ALIENS!"

Yup, glad that kind of alien abduction story didn't happen to me!



******************************************************************************

Well, I promised you a hint on identifying the critter that left the sign and what the critter was eating, so here is your hint:


Should be easy now, and that's why it's only worth USD$5 now.

Hey, pssst! Over here... For those of you who love spicy food, dave has made a hot sauce. It lives right here: Dingo Dave's Dangerously Hot Chili Sauce. This is not for the faint of heart!

BONUS! Another thrilling Conversation With Wifey-Poo!

Yours Truly: Honey! I need help!

Wifey-Poo: *a LOT of help* Oh, what happened dear?

YT: I haven't posted a funny conversation betwixt us in yonks!

WP: Your point being?

YT: I need you to think of something really funny really fast.

WP: I am married to the most studly guy in the entire world and I would be totally lost without him and his awesome masculinity.

YT: Well I know THAT! But I still need something funny to write!

WP: Just type it in exactly as I said it.

YT: But, but...

WP: You've got smart readers, they'll get it.

YT: Ooooookay, but only if you're sure.

WP: Oh I'm very sure they'll get the joke.

Alien Abduction Second Intermission --Last Chance at The Money!

Ah tells ya, Ah'm dissuhpointtud whit y'all.

Really now! I even gave you a hint as to what to be looking for. Sigh...

Ok, last bit of help I giving you to help find the koala will be the full sized original picture at 2848x2136 pixels. Just click on the below pic to embiggin it.






Hmmmm, blogger don't wanna embiggin it any larger than 1600 by 1200, but that should STILL be large enough for someone to find the koala. And in case y'alls phoorgotin, here's what you are looking for:




It's getting harder and harder to give money away these days... sigh. There is now a 24 hour clock countdown on the final part of the contest starting right now as I type this! Just so you know, it is 6:19 PM on Wednesday, February 10th, 2010, RIGHT NOW! That's Adelaide, South Oz time BTW.


***************************************

Bonus Conversation with Wifey-Poo (The Most Wonderful Woman In The Entire World) and Yours Truly (that'd be me --don't swoon ladies, I'm human).

YT walks into the back lounge where WP is hard at work grinding her fingers to the bone on the keyboard in order to get the next novel done by the deadline...

YT: Hi honey!

WP: *grumble* Hello dear! *go. a.w.a.y.*

YT: I got a couple of movies picked out for tonight. Which one do you think MIL would like?

WP: And the options are? *shithead*

YT: Well, we have either The Non-Talkative Bloke, or The Pierced Bloke With The Account at Monty's Bistro.

WP: Ummmmmmm... *ummmmmmmmm...*

WP: Ah! Let's go with the first one; The Quiet Man; after all, it's one of mom's favorites.

YT: Cool.

WP: Well, the choice came down to whichever title I could figure out and this time I seriously have no idea what the second one is.

YT: Simple! It's Guy Pearce starring as Dante in the 2002 version of Dumas' The Count of Monte Cristo.

WP: *SOB* Yes dear. You can go back to the kitchen now.

YT: Cool!

Alien Abduction Act IV... Live! Damn you, LIVE!

For those of you who came in late to the tail (and a long one at that) of dave's alien abduction, perhaps these will help:

Prelude

Act I

Act II

First Intermission

Act III

Alrighty then. Now that we've got the backstory crap out of the way for all the Johnny-come-lately's, let's get down to brass tacks.

I know I've been promising all of you pics of the aliens that abducted me, and I do feel bad *cough, cough, BULLSHIT* that I've been recalcitrant in showing you a picture so I will now rectify the situation.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

I hope this doesn't give you nightmares. Or daymares, or nightstallions.

Ahem... Here is the pic:

Welcome to the view I wake up to every morning!



Beefour I continue on with my TRUE alien abduction story, I figure I'd better give all you birders out there something to ooo and ahh over...

At least these blokes are the quiet ones in the mornings...



********************************************************************

When last we left out hero, yours truly, he was dead and had been given a burial at pool. Little did Wifey-Poo realise though that there was a storm headed in the general direction of the whereabouts of a certain dead bloke from Alaska who know lives (lived) in Oz.

Got that?

Something that may interest you, well... maybe not, when the bloody hot weather breaks down here in South Oz it does so with a BANG. In fact, it does so with multiple bangs. These multiple bangs are the result of an uncountable number of lightning strikes that occur as humid, cool air pours into the dry and disgustingly hot region known as Adelaide, South Oz.

It's our own natural fireworks display!

KA-BOOM!

Not a time for smart folk to be in a pool.

But if you are already dead then what the heck! Go For It! After all, you only live once. Or twice if you are lucky.

Wifey-Poo was certainly not game enough to go out at midnight in the middle of a lightning storm to check on my status --which at this point should be a little pile of cinders atop a half-deflated inflatable pool lounger that is floating in the pool.

So she waited until morning. She went out to check on the tomatoes and chilli plants, and too also see if there were any parrots around in the backyard that may want a treat. I think she also too realised that she would probably need to clean the pool after the myriad of lightning strikes betwixt midnight and 3 AM.

However, when she stepped outside, she certainly did NOT expect to see anything like this!

A
r
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y
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r
e
a
d
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f
o
r

t
h
e

zombie-ized,

lightning-reanimated,

sledgehammer-wielding,

brain-eating, Yours Truly?

Of course you are, otherwise you wouldn't still be reading!

This view greeted WP as she went out to the backyard that fateful morning...




I have been told that, apparently, the first morning was, shall we say, rather exciting, but, of course, not in a good way; but, then again, not exactly in a bad way either and the fact that I was an undead, brain-eating, lightning-zapped, sledgehammer-wielding, zombie-type critter just may, I say may, have had something to do with the fact that I had a slight tendency, on the first morning, to react rather, shall we say... rather badly when I was asked to do something.

According to eyewitnesses (that'd be Wifey-Poo) my reaction appeared thusly:




Don't miss the next exciting episode: Act V, The Taming of The Shrewd!

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Dave's Big Giveaway!

This won't be a regular feature as I don't have much money in my PayPal account, but I do happen to have USD$10 just burning a hole in my pocket --or rather PayPal's pocket. The first one who can tell me WHERE in this picture the koala is gets it! The money, not the koala.

Just grab a virtual pen and circle where you see the koala and email it back to me. Or post it to your own blog and leave a comment directing me to where your pic is and I'll send USD$10 to the first person who successfully spots the koala!

I think this pic will also vividly show you why I am also one of the world's greatest koala spotters, so there! Hmmph.





The contest ends whenever the heck I say it does.

Prelude To An Alien Abduction! *UPDATED*

Has anyone noticed I haven't posted for a while? And I haven't made snarky comments on blogs I peruse?

Why?

Because I was recently abducted by aliens! That's why! Heck if you'd read the title of the blog post you'd have known that little fact. Unlike most fabricated stories of alien abduction, mine is different.

How different, you ask?

Well, it started off when I died --this was before the abduction. And I HAVE PROOF! In picture form! And no, I didn't photoshop none of the pics!

Oops, getting ahead of myself again. You'll just have to wait as the entire story unfolds over several posts. I'll just bet that the Weekly World News will pay seriously big $$$$$$ for this story!

It all started in November with this picture:



And I asked you all to try to figure out just what the heck was going on. Obviously, your imagination is not anywhere near mine as none of the guesses were anywhere close to being on target.

The whole story involves Yours Truly (that'd be me, don't swoon ladies I'm human), my hat, a mirror, a sledgehammer, two pool floatation devices, a meat cleaver, a shampoo bottle, two rolls of duct tape, flowers, and my own homebrewed beer. Lots of beer.

Stay tuned for the next part of dave's alien abduction coming soon to a blog near YOU!

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Next topic: A conversation with Wifey-Poo.

The scene: WP is in the kitchen making a cuppa, YT walks in...

YT: Hi honey. *much kissing and smooching betwixt WP and YT*

WP: Hello dear.

YT reaches for a big ole kitchen knife.

WP: Ummmmmmm...

YT reaches for the big ole kitchen knife sharpener.

WP: Ummmm, was it something I said?

YT: I thought I'd spice things up!

WP: Huh??!!!?!??

YT: Oh you know, a dull knife is just so boring.

WP: That's bad, really bad. *that's bad, really bad*



********************************

Next topic; whereupon I rescue a cute, fuzzy critter that fell into the pool!

This morning as I was watering the tomato plants I noticed something floundering around in the pool. The poor thing looked half-drowned and had managed to somehow crawl upon the floating board we keep in the pool for serving drinks. It looked so tired and I knew right away there was no way the poor thing could fly away. I certainly didn't want to be responsible for the drowning of a cute, fuzzy critter so I rescued it and carefully returned it to it's natural habitat.

But not before I took pictures to share my good deed with my loyal readers --that'd be you, BTW.

H
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a
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p
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l
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k
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c
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!













************UPDATE!!!!!***************

I'm posting this picture because some unnamed person in Squarebanks wanted to know what the FRONT of those type of spiders looks like... So blame her, not me.


WARNING! Very scary picture below... the stuff of nightmares.
















You've been duly warned...

That'sa Spicyea Beera!

Remember the post from a few days ago? The one where I was bottling beer and put a huge cayenne pepper in two of the bottles? Oh, you do remember! G'donya mates!

The brew was actually bottled a week ago, and this morning the bottles were clear! That means the secondary fermentation is done --warm weather speeds it along, dontcha know.

Naturally I just had to open one of them --I'll give the other one a few more days to "age" properly.

I sat down a few feet from Wifey-Poo. With an empty mug in one hand, and a 750 ml bottle of lager with a six inch cayenne pepper (poked full of holes) in the bottle.

I cracked the bottle.

Before I could even begin to pour the "beer" into the mug, WP stated she could smell the chilli already. Being the gentleman that I am, I offered her a quaff. She, being the lady she is, politely declined. I believe her exact words were, "Not a bloody chance in Hell!"

The first sip was pretty spicy. Couldn't smell the beer at all. Couldn't taste the beer at all. The spiciness seemed to creep all around my mouth and throat.

YT: Mmmmmm, this is good. I think I'll have another sip. Anyone want to join me?

WP: I know you and spicy food and if the sweat on your brow after one small sip is any indication of the potency of that firewater, then I shall pass.

YT: How about you Mike?

BIL: GET. A.WAY. FROM. ME. WITH. THAT. FILTH.

YT: Cool, more for me.

So I finished the first mug, no worries. As you read this I'm currently halfway through my second mug. Good stuff! I think all homebrewers should try this! Much much much spicier than that wussy stuff with a tiny chilli in it, that's for sure.

I'll make dinner simple tonight (snags and bacon rolls w/ onions, shrooms, and chillis) so my taste buds don't have to worry about getting back to life for a day or two.

Audience Participation Time!

Why is dave shoving this down his shorts?





The comment line is now open!

Oh, do you think it may have something to do with this?





Hey lookie! Even the locals think I'm loco!

Bonus question: Which one is the female?

Another Conversation with Wifey-Poo

*Bonus baby koala pics at the end of this post!!!!!*

I know I don't post too many of these but that's not because we don't talk much. On the contrary, we talk to each other a lot. Which is one of the reasons I can't remember all the conversations: just too darned many of them.

But THIS time I happened to be right next to the computer so I keyed it in quickly --after I woke up, that is.

Remember, YT is Yours Truly (don't swoon ladies, I'm human), WP is Wifey-Poo (The Most Wonderful Woman In The Entire World), and BIL is bro-in-law.



This actually happened...

WP is at 'puter typing, YT walks into room...

YT: Cool, here's the All Black's v France match dubbed down.

WP: That was a great match.

YT: Just need to grab a couple more disk sleeves. Dubbing down the Aussie v Welsh game next.

WP: Yes dear *type type*

YT: And then I'm going to go beat some rugs.

WP:...

WP:...?

WP: You're going to do what?

YT: Beat some rugs, then do a final vacuum on them.

WP: Whew! You know what I heard?

YT: Ummmmm...

WP: "Eat some bugs"

YT: Well, they do have a nice nutty flavour and are crunchy.

WP: I did not need to know that. I guess I heard it cus you were last talking about the grilled 'roo balls we had last night.

YT: So, like, you are now fixated on Skippy's balls?

WP: Harumph! *type type while looking around for nearest blunt object*

YT: Guess what's for dinner!

WP: Hold that thought. where did I put that really heavy candlestick

YT: Triple R!

WP: Haih?

YT: Roo Rump Roast!

WP: ah, here it is

Ka-thunk! Splat.

BIL walks into the library...

BIL: Why's YT passed out on the floor drooling again?

WP: Musta had too much beer. *type type*

BIL: Ah, just another normal day around here.



And now for the really cute baby koala pics. With momma koala, of course.

Do You Find Me Emusing?

Normally I'm darned good (or bad) with puns. I can think of them as often as I drop my pants.

So how, I say HOW did I miss this?

Emu

Funny

Amusing

all become emusing!

Fortunately there is a nice lady in Squarebanks who likes fuzzy critters, puns (obviously) and is waaaay smarter than I --please direct all jokes about those last five words to the comments, ta.

The first thing you need to know when you are out looking for wild emus is how to tell if they like the particular field you are standing on.

Emus (like most wild critters) leave signposts so you can tell they have been around. The more signposts in a field, the more the emus like hanging around there.

I'm now doing my civic duty to educate all of you so you will know whether or not an emu has been in the field you are standing on. Instead of describing the signpost the emus leave, I'll just give you a picture of emu sign! Ain't I nice?



A picture is worth a thousand words



What kind of critter leaves signs like that? This kind:











They really are very pretty. Timid buggas too. Were we crouched behind some camouflaged doo-hickeys to get these closeups.

*Scene Break*

A TRUE conversation with Wifey-Poo!

YT: Wee, I've just posted my 1000th tweet!

WP: How did you get up to 1000?

YT: It's easy. Whenever anything silly or stupid comes to my mind I tweet it.

WP:...

WP: Are you sure it's only 1000? I'dve thought there'd be at least 100 times that.

YT: Well, yeah, it would be except I'm not always near the keyboard when I think of silly or stupid things. And by the time I get to the keyboard from the pool I usually have forgotten them.

WP: Yup, that'd be right.

Toot, Toot... TWEET!

Yes, yes. I know. Some of you sew-fis-tee-kay-ted readers are, quite obviously, expecting a treatise about a particular song from a particular film that Dick Van Dyke was in. And I'm sure you just assume I made a typo and that the last word of this post title should be *sweet* and not *tweet*.

However, I do feel you'll be disappointed as I'm not writing this post to cater to my sew-fis-tee-kay-ted readers. I am instead, of course, aiming this post to the more mundane type of reader.

This means that 99% of you won't get the joke, nor will you think it's phunny cuz it's not sew-fis-tee-kay-ted.

This has to do with my Twitter account --yes, I've heard all the jokes. Heck, I made up most of them!

For this particular waste of time, I blame AKM. She's the one who tweeted about the #altSarahPalinBookTitles and I just happened to see a few of the titles. I realised that I could come up with some good titles since many of you think/know that I am funny(looking).

So it's truly NOT MY FAULT that I didn't have time to make Planet Kokon for some particular unnamed individual.

Let me stress ONCE MORE: It. Is. Not. My. Fault! It is someone elses fault --ALWAYS!

Would you like to see how I wasted my time? Of course you would! I shall now give you my tweets from a couple of days ago.

AKdavedownunder "I'll Never Stop Makin' Things Up! *Wink*"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
10:55 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "My Cold, Black Heart Just Caused Hell to
Freeze Over" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
10:57 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "My Book to Nowhere"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:02 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Everything I Need to Know I Learned in
Junior High School" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:04 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How Not to Become Vice President"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:07 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Here's Where I Blame The Pajama-Clad
Bloggers for Everything That's Wrong in My Life" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:09 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Gotta Go, Putin's Head Just Reared *wink*"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:10 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Tawd! Fetch Me Muh Shotgun! I's Huntin'
Libruls" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:12 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "I Can See Dollar Signs From Here"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:13 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How To Fleece The Sheeple"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:15 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "My Little un-Read Book"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:17 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "I Told Lynn Vincent Not To Use Big Words"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:19 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Naughty Monkey Pumps Can Make You
Famous Like Me" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:20 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How To Properly Wear CFM Boots While
Pretending To Govern" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:21 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Does This Book Make Me Look Slutty?"
subtitle: I Sure Hope So! #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:24 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "ths bk is vry guud. pls by it, thx"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:28 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Momma Grisly Bear"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:30 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Infamy, Infamy! They've All Got It In Fo' Me!"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:32 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Waiter, I'd Like Some Cheese With My
Whine" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:36 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "In What Respect, Rupert?"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:41 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "True Stories of Alien Abduction"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:42 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How To Stay One Step Ahead of The IRS"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:43 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Brainwashing For Dummies"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:45 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How to Quit Anything in Three Easy Steps"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:50 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Stupidity On The Iditarod Trail"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles with apologies to Dana Stabenow
11:55 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "I'm Baaaaaack!" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:58 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Sarah's Adventures in Kindergarten"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
12:03 PM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Little Red Lying Hood"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
12:07 PM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Grim Fairy Tales" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
12:07 PM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Two Mules for Sister Sarah"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles Ok, I did around 30 an hour ago, I SWEAR this is
the last one.
2:01 PM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Stuck in The Immoral Mudflats"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles I lied, just like an ex-gov who aborted her term
as guv of AK.
2:03 PM Nov 18th from web



I shall now not type anything for the next five minutes in order to give you time to clean up the coffee/tea/beer/wine/whiskey/everclear that has been spewed upon you keyboard and/or monitor.

tick



tock


Ok, 5 minutes is up!

I'm now going to ask all my sew-fis-tee-kay-ted and non-sew-fis-tee-kay-ted readers to come up with a caption for this next picture. The picture is of me. I shall not tell you what I was doing --at least not yet. Put on yer tinfoil thinkin' caps and give it a go, mates!





Seriously, if you can't come up with a good caption for that face then your mundane, boring, cubicle job has totally crushed and buried your thought processes! Dig yourself out! You can do it! Be free!!!!

Sorry, getting a little carried away. Note to self: try to cut back to only 3 pots of coffee in the morning.

BONUS

A conversation with WP! Remember, WP is Wifey-Poo also known as the most wonderful woman in the entire world (I hope she reads this). YT is Yours Truly --that'd be me, don't swoon ladies, I'm human.

*this took place this morning around 7 am in the back garden*

WP: Dear, last night you said you were going on a bike ride this morning.

YT: Yeah, but it looks like rain.

WP: And perhaps you've just cleaned the drivetrain and don't want it to get mucky?

YT: Uhhhh... Yeah! That's right! Don't wanna get the clean chain and gears dirty.

WP: I see.

...

WP: Any other reason why you aren't riding?

YT: Well, actually, yes.

WP: Do tell.

YT: I didn't want to get wet in the rain.

WP: Ah. Of course not dear. But it looks like the rain is approaching now.

YT: Oh crap!

*YT looks around frantically*

YT: Honey?

WP: Yes dear?

YT: Could you go inside and get me a dry towel? I'd better get out of the pool and dry off before the rain gets here. Don't wanna get wet, ya know?

*at this point WP walks away muttering something under her breath that our hero can't hear*

Give Till It Hurts To Help Those In Need!!

Yes dear readers, it's fast approaching that time of year. The time of year when we think of those less fortunate than ourselves. The time of year when we freely give massive amounts of money to worthwhile causes.

Yes, it's time to send dave --and Wifey-Poo-- to FIJI!

It's not that we can't afford it, cuz we can. But if we do then some very worthwhile causes just won't have our donations, and that'd be a crying shame.

Just think of all the poor, orphaned homeless kids and critters that will have to go without... Brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it.

I've always told WP and BIL not to make us rich. Why? I'd give it all away! Heck, my dream is to open a homeless shelter and run a soup kitchen!

And the poor critters...

Here's a short list of wonderful, kind, caring folk who take care of critters that we give very generously to each month:

WWF: World Wildlife Foundation. How can anyone with a heart not support these great folks?

Cousteau Society: My parents were charter members back in the day.

IFAW: International Fund for Animal Welfare. These are the people that rescue animals after natural disasters, care for sick and abandoned creatures, and are just all around good guys --and gals.


We've adopted several wolves in Alaska, hopefully not the ones shot from helicopters and their cubs gassed in their dens!

Many more places we give:

OXFAM: Hey, when it comes to getting supplies to impoverished areas these folks are great.

Aussie Red Cross: They don't have nearly the overhead costs of the US and are always the first ones to start coordinating relief efforts after natural disasters anywhere in Oceania. I'd even give to the Red Crescent except for the fact that I'm tired of the visits from the men in the unmarked, black, SUV's --I even know a few of them by name now.

The Salvos: Whether or not you agree with the religion of The Salvation Army, they do very good work. There's 2 local thrift shops we give to, along with monetary donations. Heck, I even worked with the Salvos back when I was in Fairbanks!

This list can go on and on...

And to top it off; I am a nice guy. I give rides to strangers, and change to those who ask it.

I also rescue critters from the pool! Saved 2 full grown blue-tongue lizards last year! If there is a bee that can't escape the surface tension then I rescue it! This happens daily, BTW.

WP rescued and saved a baby swallow with a broken wing! It took about 3 weeks for the birdie to heal up and during that time momma sparrow would fly in the open back door to feed the little one.

I also let little old ladies go ahead of me in line. And I have no problem getting something down from a high shelf in a grocery store aisle for anyone vertically-challenged.

And I always wear my seatbelt in the car. I haven't been bicycle riding without wearing a bike helmet in 30 years.

But if we decide to greedily keep our money to go to Fiji instead of helping those in need, well... I'm just not sure I could sleep at night. So here's how you can help! No, you don't need to give to each and every charity or cause, all you need to do is send all you can spare to us so that we may continue to give generously AND get the Fiji trip!

You also get a bonus! We'll be coming back with thousands and thousands of photos, stories, recipes, and local Fijian knowledge you won't find anywhere else. I'll, of course, be blogging about it all. Heck, if I could get 6 weeks out of a little ole trips to Naracoorte then just imagine all the months of readings, photos, and just plain good ole dave snarkiness you get from us being in Fiji for a week!

All you need to do is just click on that bright button marked "Send dave on a long walk off a short pier" that's over to the left and all will be well. Send whatever you can spare, and even some you can't! Heck those credit card companies need the money too!

*at this point Wifey-Poo walks into the room*

WP: Hey! I've got some good news!

YT: Oh?

WP: Yup, you don't have to beg your readers for money for the Fiji trip!

YT: Ummmmmm, did we win the lottery?

WP: No silly, of course not.

YT: Did you get a new book contract?

WP: Yeah, right. I wish.

YT: Your friend George Lucas bought a screenplay?

WP: Are you kidding? I haven't been on his Christmas card list for 30 years now.

YT: I can't think of anything else to make us rich...

WP: BIL (bro-in-law) is finally getting a job!

YT: GREAT! Is this the University position he's been talking about?

WP: That's the one!

YT: YAHOO!!!!!

WP: There's just one little problem I forgot to tell you...

To Be Continued...


Now that you are all on the edge of your collective (you will be assimilated) seats, here's some wonderful wildlife works-of-art:

Firstly, can you spot the koala?



Why, yes I can. Here it is:




The eastern rosella parrots in the wild are pretty skitish. I was quite pleased to get these three shots:





Cool markings, eh?


Speaking (writing) of birds with cool markings, there was a bird that flew overhead that I just wasn't able to identify. Perhaps you can help?