Saturday, November 21, 2009

Toot, Toot... TWEET!

Yes, yes. I know. Some of you sew-fis-tee-kay-ted readers are, quite obviously, expecting a treatise about a particular song from a particular film that Dick Van Dyke was in. And I'm sure you just assume I made a typo and that the last word of this post title should be *sweet* and not *tweet*.

However, I do feel you'll be disappointed as I'm not writing this post to cater to my sew-fis-tee-kay-ted readers. I am instead, of course, aiming this post to the more mundane type of reader.

This means that 99% of you won't get the joke, nor will you think it's phunny cuz it's not sew-fis-tee-kay-ted.

This has to do with my Twitter account --yes, I've heard all the jokes. Heck, I made up most of them!

For this particular waste of time, I blame AKM. She's the one who tweeted about the #altSarahPalinBookTitles and I just happened to see a few of the titles. I realised that I could come up with some good titles since many of you think/know that I am funny(looking).

So it's truly NOT MY FAULT that I didn't have time to make Planet Kokon for some particular unnamed individual.

Let me stress ONCE MORE: It. Is. Not. My. Fault! It is someone elses fault --ALWAYS!

Would you like to see how I wasted my time? Of course you would! I shall now give you my tweets from a couple of days ago.

AKdavedownunder "I'll Never Stop Makin' Things Up! *Wink*"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
10:55 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "My Cold, Black Heart Just Caused Hell to
Freeze Over" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
10:57 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "My Book to Nowhere"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:02 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Everything I Need to Know I Learned in
Junior High School" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:04 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How Not to Become Vice President"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:07 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Here's Where I Blame The Pajama-Clad
Bloggers for Everything That's Wrong in My Life" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:09 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Gotta Go, Putin's Head Just Reared *wink*"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:10 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Tawd! Fetch Me Muh Shotgun! I's Huntin'
Libruls" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:12 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "I Can See Dollar Signs From Here"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:13 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How To Fleece The Sheeple"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:15 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "My Little un-Read Book"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:17 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "I Told Lynn Vincent Not To Use Big Words"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:19 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Naughty Monkey Pumps Can Make You
Famous Like Me" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:20 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How To Properly Wear CFM Boots While
Pretending To Govern" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:21 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Does This Book Make Me Look Slutty?"
subtitle: I Sure Hope So! #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:24 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "ths bk is vry guud. pls by it, thx"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:28 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Momma Grisly Bear"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:30 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Infamy, Infamy! They've All Got It In Fo' Me!"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:32 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Waiter, I'd Like Some Cheese With My
Whine" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:36 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "In What Respect, Rupert?"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:41 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "True Stories of Alien Abduction"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:42 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How To Stay One Step Ahead of The IRS"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:43 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Brainwashing For Dummies"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:45 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How to Quit Anything in Three Easy Steps"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:50 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Stupidity On The Iditarod Trail"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles with apologies to Dana Stabenow
11:55 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "I'm Baaaaaack!" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:58 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Sarah's Adventures in Kindergarten"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
12:03 PM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Little Red Lying Hood"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
12:07 PM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Grim Fairy Tales" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
12:07 PM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Two Mules for Sister Sarah"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles Ok, I did around 30 an hour ago, I SWEAR this is
the last one.
2:01 PM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Stuck in The Immoral Mudflats"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles I lied, just like an ex-gov who aborted her term
as guv of AK.
2:03 PM Nov 18th from web



I shall now not type anything for the next five minutes in order to give you time to clean up the coffee/tea/beer/wine/whiskey/everclear that has been spewed upon you keyboard and/or monitor.

tick



tock


Ok, 5 minutes is up!

I'm now going to ask all my sew-fis-tee-kay-ted and non-sew-fis-tee-kay-ted readers to come up with a caption for this next picture. The picture is of me. I shall not tell you what I was doing --at least not yet. Put on yer tinfoil thinkin' caps and give it a go, mates!

wtf



Seriously, if you can't come up with a good caption for that face then your mundane, boring, cubicle job has totally crushed and buried your thought processes! Dig yourself out! You can do it! Be free!!!!

Sorry, getting a little carried away. Note to self: try to cut back to only 3 pots of coffee in the morning.

BONUS

A conversation with WP! Remember, WP is Wifey-Poo also known as the most wonderful woman in the entire world (I hope she reads this). YT is Yours Truly --that'd be me, don't swoon ladies, I'm human.

*this took place this morning around 7 am in the back garden*

WP: Dear, last night you said you were going on a bike ride this morning.

YT: Yeah, but it looks like rain.

WP: And perhaps you've just cleaned the drivetrain and don't want it to get mucky?

YT: Uhhhh... Yeah! That's right! Don't wanna get the clean chain and gears dirty.

WP: I see.

...

WP: Any other reason why you aren't riding?

YT: Well, actually, yes.

WP: Do tell.

YT: I didn't want to get wet in the rain.

WP: Ah. Of course not dear. But it looks like the rain is approaching now.

YT: Oh crap!

*YT looks around frantically*

YT: Honey?

WP: Yes dear?

YT: Could you go inside and get me a dry towel? I'd better get out of the pool and dry off before the rain gets here. Don't wanna get wet, ya know?

*at this point WP walks away muttering something under her breath that our hero can't hear*

6 comments:

scienceguy288 said...

When I see that face, all I can think of is this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIc4VHxU7iM

Ishmael said...

"Chitty-Chitty, Bang-Bang." Tried to watch it on Netflix streaming the other night, but it was so dull I gave up before they got to the flying car part.

Alaskan Dave Down Under said...

sciencebloke: It was cool up until they started playing the thrash metal crap. HOW did you find your way to that?????

Ishmael: Harumph.

Jim and Heather on Meerkat said...

So I am guessing you aren't going to run right out and buy Scarah's book? Eek, you might not like that present I sent after all...

Alaskan Dave Down Under said...

SV Meerkat: No worries mates! It'll make a great dartboard :)

scienceguy288 said...

Dave, a magician never reveals his secrets....rock climbing buddy of mine. Weird sense of humor.