Alien Abduction Act IX... Alien Ship Identified!

Yes folks! You finally get to learn the identity of the Alien Space Ship that abducted me while I was an undead, lightning-charged, sledge-hammer wielding, brain-eating, Zombie!

I'm not like than anymore. In fact, I'm back to my normal, sane, healthy self! For what THAT'S worth...

Before you get to read about Act IX, can I tell (write) you a few things? Yes? Great.

Firstly, this years' total tomato(e) tally was *drum roll please* 1,287. That's a nice lot of tomatoes I must say. Oh, my ultra-hot chillis are ready to be harvested --always let them not only ripen but start to dry while still on the plant that way they are even spicier.

Nextly, another Thing You Won't Learn About Me By Reading This Blog! I was tagged a while back and I'm kinda doing one thing per post. Perhaps one of my regular readers could let me know when I reach 7? Ta. Here it is: I didn't garden or grow nuthin' back in Alaska. Seriously! For one thing I was too busy working. And I've found out that flora grows very easily down here. Heck, take a dry stick and shove it in the ground, next time you look at it it'll be a full grown apple tree! Easy-peasy!

And the final thing before I turn you over to Act IX, I have some nice rainbow lorikeet pictures for you. 4 of them, in fact.










Please feel free to caption them if you so desire --comments ARE enabled and have always been.

And one more thing: We just had our fall equinox down here (and yes, the moon is upside down here also, too) which means it's now frightfully cold. 90F in the shade, 84 F in the pool, and 118 F in the sun. Sigh, someone wake me when summer comes back, wouldja?

Alrighty! Last we left our hero (that'd be me) I was still a zombie and was being transported up to the alien ship after smashing the pyramid on top of our house with my lightning-charged sledgehammer. I'm sure I don't have to remind you this is a TRUE story.

Oh, I just had a thought! How's abouts a quick photo recap for those who came in late? Don't worry, I'm using smaller sized pics so it should load quick.













There! Everyone knows what is going on now? Good, perhaps you could tell me --just kidding.

As I was approaching the alien ship in the transporter beam I distinctly remember seeing some lettering on the ship. Obviously this must be the ship's name and registration number. I mean c'mon, Gene Roddenberry PROVED that all space ships have the name and rego on them in a language that we can all read! I think right now the US space ships are identified by the drug of choice of the previous prez. At present it's Coke. And before then it was Viagra! And when there's a new prez then the labeling will be changed to Marlboro.

Ok, back to the story...

So would you all like to know the name and rego of this alien ship that abducted me? Since I have a fotografeek memory I just plugged myself into the ole scanner and shot this image into the ole series of tubes:


I reasoned it of course was an abbreviation of Alien Space Ship. Not very imaginative are they?

The rego (aussie slang for car registration number) confused me. In my zombie state I couldn't think of what it may stand for...

C4P-PFP2012??? What in the world could that mean??

But I didn't have time to dwell on it as the transport beam shoved me headfirst into the A.S.S. designated C4P-PFP2012. In my zombie state all I could think about was just how juicy and tasty and HUGE the brains of the aliens must be!

Coming up soon: Act X: onboard the A.S.S.

Alien Abduction Act V The Taming of The Shrewd!

I know, I know. I can hear you all starting to snore! Don't worry, I'll be getting up to the alien spaceship soon and then eating alien brains --remember, I'm still an undead, lightning-zapped, crazed, sledgehammer-wielding zombie at this point in the story.

I swear it's true. *wink*

Wifey-Poo had decided that I may be of some help around the house now that I was a zombie and didn't have much of a will of my own. She first, however, had to calm me down a bit...

***********breaker, breaker!!!!**************

3 of you are trying to find the koala from last post (probably only cuz I'm giving away ten dollars) and so far you are all way off. So here's a hint: Try looking for THIS bloke!




I'm also going to let you know that at the end of this post I have an actual picture of Sarah Palin flaunting her wares to distract everyone around so they won't notice her crapping on others! Don't scroll down and cheat!

***********back to the story****************

At first wifey-poo was a little nervous about getting me calmed down as all I was doing was standing out in the backyard yelling and waving my trusty sledgehammer around. And the residual lightning that had animated my drowned corpse was still coursing through both me and the sledgehammer.

See what I mean:






Not exactly a sight WP wanted to wake up to each morning...




Fortunately it was only my shirt being ripped to shreds...




Eventually I calmed down when Wifey-Poo assured me that since there are so many birds around I'll have no problem finding plenty of brains to feed upon --this explains why I'm a birdbrain now, eh?

So here I am all mellowed out and ready to help around the house!




Coming up next: Zombie dave helps around the house! With a sledge-hammer.

**************************************************************************

We're still in our hot summer months down here. Today wasn't too bad, 101 F in the shade and 127 F in the sun. Pool water was at 86 F so after watching the 'Aints win the Super Bowl I relaxed in the pool.

But you don't get a picture of that. Mainly cuz I wasn't doing anything silly or stupid in the pool so I figured y'all wouldn't be interested. BTW, how's winter going for everyone up in that other hemisphere?

Getting a lot of tomatoes. Last count was 1,134 harvested! Here's a pic of bunch of nice, juicy, creamy, hot-off-the-vine, yellow tomatoes.

Next year we're putting in 2 or 3 yellow 'mata plants!


Oi mate! If you take this picture I'm gonna fly over there, claw your eyes out and shove that camera somewhere BAD!

Hmmmmm, guess that explains why I can't see today and am walking funny...

And now... the picture you've all really been waiting for: An actual photograph taken by Yours Truly (don't swoon ladies, I'm human) of Sarah Palin flaunting herself shamelessly in front of her admirers in the hopes that none of them notice her crapping on anyone she doesn't like!

Ready?

Of

course

you

are.



I guess that little sparrow down below on the bricks didn't kiss her ass enough!

Alien Abduction --First Intermission with Snacks!

Do y'all know in them new-fangled moving picture thingy's called "films" they've started putting in intermission breaks? So's this's sorta somethin' like that.

For the snacks, just make yourself some popcorn and enjoy the next couple of minutes. And then I'll be back to the Alien Abduction story, no worries.

Here's a pic of the fruit of my labor. Specifically, tomatoes. More specifically; vine-ripened, cherry truss tomatoes. Totally organic. No spraying, no chemical fertilizer, just grown in good ole-fashioned cow crap.





And finally, I've got 3 pics of some very friendly, fuzzy, cute, Aussie critters. If this don't wanna make you visit Oz, then nothing will!

Here's one of the like tykes being friendly with my left calf.




I then decided to lift the little bloke up and let him sun himself.




He then figured that my arm was a great place to work on his tan.




So, like, who's up for a visit?

Alien Abduction Act I

This really is a true story! I'm not kidding. It. Happened. Of course I was an undead, brain-eating, sledgehammer weilding zombie at the time, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

But first I need to tell you that there'll be a couple of other things in this post. Something about Wifey-Poo will be appearing and this time you get actual photos of The Most Wonderful Woman In The Entire World. Before that though, you get the first act of my Alien Abduction! And before that you get to hear (read) about the tomato season thus far.

To sum up:

Firstly, tomatoes.

Nextly, alien abduction --the beginning!

Lastly, pics of Wifey-Poo.



Tomatoes.

We planted 11 plants this season. We have so far harvested 592 tomatoes and 135 of them were just this morning. Mmmmmmmmm, tomatoes... drooooooo-al! We eat those tomatoes, if you are wondering.

Is it possible to OD on lycopene? Hmmmm... I've had this urge to go stand barefoot in a plant pot loaded with cow shit and then hang out there all day long in the sun. Of course lately it's gotten even more urgent since I started eating lots of tomatoes.

Maybe it's just me?



Alien Abduction Act One!

It all started one day in the pool. Does that surprise any of you? The story begins on the day of my yearly hat cleaning which, coincidently, coincided with my annual bath (whether I need it or not!). Fortunately it was a warm day otherwise I'dve froze in the pool.

First I had to assemble the necessary stuff:




And of course there's the proper footwear!




Make sure you rinse yourself and the hat BEFORE shampooing




dave gets an idea!




This way I'll clean both the hat and my hair at the same time!




Plop that hat on!




Make sure everything is lathered well:




See? It works!




Always rinse well




Now it's time for the soap! And I have just the perfect applicator:




First, soap the dimpled pool ball well,




and then start scrubbing them thar stinky bits!




Make sure you get all the stinky bits...

No, you really didn't see this. It's a figment of your fertile imagination!


This should give you enough of a lead-in for an alien abduction, I'm sure. Act II will feature something else in the pool which leads to an alien abduction!



No conversation with Wifey-Poo this time. Or as I like to call her, The Most Wonderful Woman In The Entire World! Hey, she puts up with me, doncha know.

A friend of mine from Squarebanks recently found me on twitter and said, "Last we saw of our hero he was heading South with a smoking hot Aussie redhead." I figure these two pics of WP will show what he means.

Prelude To An Alien Abduction! *UPDATED*

Has anyone noticed I haven't posted for a while? And I haven't made snarky comments on blogs I peruse?

Why?

Because I was recently abducted by aliens! That's why! Heck if you'd read the title of the blog post you'd have known that little fact. Unlike most fabricated stories of alien abduction, mine is different.

How different, you ask?

Well, it started off when I died --this was before the abduction. And I HAVE PROOF! In picture form! And no, I didn't photoshop none of the pics!

Oops, getting ahead of myself again. You'll just have to wait as the entire story unfolds over several posts. I'll just bet that the Weekly World News will pay seriously big $$$$$$ for this story!

It all started in November with this picture:



And I asked you all to try to figure out just what the heck was going on. Obviously, your imagination is not anywhere near mine as none of the guesses were anywhere close to being on target.

The whole story involves Yours Truly (that'd be me, don't swoon ladies I'm human), my hat, a mirror, a sledgehammer, two pool floatation devices, a meat cleaver, a shampoo bottle, two rolls of duct tape, flowers, and my own homebrewed beer. Lots of beer.

Stay tuned for the next part of dave's alien abduction coming soon to a blog near YOU!

*******************************

Next topic: A conversation with Wifey-Poo.

The scene: WP is in the kitchen making a cuppa, YT walks in...

YT: Hi honey. *much kissing and smooching betwixt WP and YT*

WP: Hello dear.

YT reaches for a big ole kitchen knife.

WP: Ummmmmmm...

YT reaches for the big ole kitchen knife sharpener.

WP: Ummmm, was it something I said?

YT: I thought I'd spice things up!

WP: Huh??!!!?!??

YT: Oh you know, a dull knife is just so boring.

WP: That's bad, really bad. *that's bad, really bad*



********************************

Next topic; whereupon I rescue a cute, fuzzy critter that fell into the pool!

This morning as I was watering the tomato plants I noticed something floundering around in the pool. The poor thing looked half-drowned and had managed to somehow crawl upon the floating board we keep in the pool for serving drinks. It looked so tired and I knew right away there was no way the poor thing could fly away. I certainly didn't want to be responsible for the drowning of a cute, fuzzy critter so I rescued it and carefully returned it to it's natural habitat.

But not before I took pictures to share my good deed with my loyal readers --that'd be you, BTW.

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************UPDATE!!!!!***************

I'm posting this picture because some unnamed person in Squarebanks wanted to know what the FRONT of those type of spiders looks like... So blame her, not me.


WARNING! Very scary picture below... the stuff of nightmares.
















You've been duly warned...

How to save $2500 in one year!

Oops, sorry. Now you probably think I'm trying to spam y'all. Nope, I'm not. I (we) actually saved $2500 last year by doing one simple thing:

I started homebrewing! And the household saved $2500 dollars. It's not cus we are a bunch of drunks, but when you each have a beer with dinner and one afterwards... well you'd be amazed at how much it adds up over a year.

Go ahead, try it yourselves.

*ahem*

Next topic: South Oz summer heat!

This from the Bureau of Meteorology today:

Adelaide Forecast
IDS10034
Australian Government Bureau of Meteorology
South Australia

Adelaide Forecast
Issued at 4:00 pm CDT on Saturday 9 January 2010

Warning Summary
The SES has issued an Extreme Heat Warning for South Australia.
Fire Weather Warning.

Forecast for Saturday evening
Dry and hot. Winds becoming moderate southeasterly during the evening. A
moderate early evening sea breeze.

Precis Clear.

Forecast for Sunday
Dry, very hot and sunny. Light to moderate southeast to northeast winds with a
light afternoon sea breeze.

Precis Dry. Sunny.
City: Min 27 Max 43
Elizabeth: Min 22 Max 43
Mount Barker: Min 17 Max 41
Noarlunga: Min 23 Max 41

UV Alert: 9:10 am to 5:30 pm, UV Index predicted to reach 12 [Extreme]
Fire Danger: Severe [50-74] (Mount Lofty Ranges Fire Ban District)

Monday Windy. Dry. Mostly sunny. Min 30 Max 43

Those 43's mean 110 in the shade officially (they ALWAYS guess low) which means it'll be around 115 to 118 in the shade here at the ole homestead.

Oh, that splashing sound you'll be hearing all weekend? Just guess what it is...

Next topic: No one has even tried!

I put this picture up:


and no one even tried to figure out what kind of critter it is. So I'll now give you a bit more of a hint --in the form of another picture, of course.






Do you know why I like koalas? Do you? It's cus they get to do this all day long:

Can anyone tell me what kind of gum tree s/he is sitting in?

Ishmael asked me about the taste of emu a few weeks back. Sadly, I haven't had a chance to get any... But I did TRY!:


No, I. did. not. do. that! I took the picture back at the end of November and I'm guessing this bloke got this in a fight for fornicatin' rights.

I did, however, find out that an emu drumstick weighs 7 pounds! Mmmmmmmmmmm...

Here's a picture to illustrate just how great my timing is




And here we find a sheila sparrow a helluva lot braver than a certain ADQ'er is:

Goan, ask me how I know she's a she.

These blokes look like they are planning something...



No idea what it could be though...