Monday, February 22, 2010

Alien Abduction Act VII: Zombie Dave Is Transported To The Alien Warship!

Woo-Hoo! Finally the start of the episodes that you really want to see! Remember, I'm piecing this all together from not only Wifey-Poo's recollection of events down here on Earth, but from my deep, dark, dank, sub-conscious which was, of course, dutifully recording all the events that transpired on the alien warship so that I might faithfully put them down to words and pictures for your enjoyment!

But... (and it's a great, big butt) there are a few things to write about first.

Did any of you blokes notice that last Sunday the 14th of February, 2010 was Valentines day? And did any of you blokettes out there notice that your bloke forgot that last Sunday the 14th of February, 2010 was Valentines day?

Note: If you are a blokette who has a sheila for a partner, then I must say you've both had a great Valentine's Day since you both obviously remembered. If you're a bloke with a bloke partner however, neither of you have any idea what holiday I'm talking about, so no worries mates and grab another slab of tinny's!

So, Valentine's Day. Also known as the most commercially manufactured holiday EVER! So what did Yours Truly (don't swoon ladies, I'm human) and Wifey-Poo (The Most Wonderful Woman in The Entire World) do?

We went to a restaurant that not only had neither of us been to, but we'd never had that cuisine.

Nepalese food rocks! Very much like Indian --hey, the Kathmandu Valley is very very very close to India, doncha know--, but with some subtle differences.

Check out a very nice restaurant in Glenelg! Go ahead and peruse the menu, no worries. If you've got your speakers turned on then you already know what I had. Yes, I had the Khasi Tarkari --goat curry.

Most excellent! Delicious! Tender pieces of goat that melt in your mouth!

And the roti was to die for! Best roti I've ever had and that includes the stuff I make myself.

Highly recommended.

The other thing we did was wander around Glenelg and take loads of pictures. Summer at Glenelg beach and foreshore, 100 F, in Oz, on a weekend... Yup, lot's of photo ops! But I'm sure none of you in that other hemisphere would be in the least bit interested in seeing the photos so they'll keep. I'll tell ya though, the EMT babes on mountain bikes patrolling around were pretty hot!


Did you know that The Cat --His Royal Highness, Lord And Master Of All He Surveys, Defender Of The Innocent, Lord Of The Rift, and All-Around Good-Guy, Prince Bagheera-- is musically inclined?

It's true; I kid you knot! He loves to play a reed flute! In fact, he even makes his own! I'm impressed. I finally got a good picture of The Cat --His Royal Highness, Lord And Master Of All He Surveys, Defender Of The Innocent, Lord Of The Rift, and All-Around Good-Guy, Prince Bagheera-- making a reed flute!

Here he is very carefully putting holes in the reed:
cat playing the flute

He has to be very careful chomping the holes in the reed as his jaw and fangs can easily break the bones in your hand! I know this from experience.

Oh, there's a contest going on, you betcha! Remember this photo?
what critter left this

Well (and that's a very deep subject), since no one has tried to guess what critter it was that left the "sign" and what it was eating (No, it WASN'T me!), I've decided to give you a hint. At the end of this post. AND the cash prize is down to US$5 cus I really think you'll figure it out. Of course, you'll have to read about me being transported to the alien warship first...

Alien Abduction Act VII! Dave finds the alien transporter!!!!

When we, meaning the clan or family unit, moved into this house a few years ago we noticed there was a pyramid on the top of the roof. In fact, this pyramid is even visible from outer space --probably visible from inner space too, but that's a totally different bedtime story for you kiddies.

See? Here's the satellite shot of the pyramid on the roof:

Now let me show you the view I have from the ground. And keep in mind that, for some unknown reason, the pyramid on the roof of the house we've been living in for the last 3 years seemed to strangely attract me when I was an undead, lightning-zapped, brain-eating, re-animated, living-undead, sledge-hammer wielding zombie!

This is the view I'd see each morning as the UV fried my dead eyeballs:
pyramid 01

Naturally, being a zombie, I just HAD to get a closer look!
pyramid 02

At this point something dark, sinister, and deeply buried inside me must've just SNAPPED! Lightning began shooting out of my sledge-hammer and I shot like a bolt up to the rooftop to do battle with the Evil Alien Pyramid!

With this Sledge-Hammer, I shall slay thee demon-alien spawn!
dave vs the alien pyramid

A titanic battle ensued betwixt my zombie self and the Evil Alien Pyramid, the likes of which not seen since the first mate of the Titanic got the Captain stoned and he steered her into an iceberg (thank you Jamie Brockett)!
the windup

My zombie self somehow found the force of will to finally land a mighty blow of the lightning-charged sledgehammer upon the Evil Alien Pyramid!

The mighty force from my sledgehammer opened an inter-dimensional portal to the Evil Alien Warship and I rocketed upwards to wage war with the Evil Aliens and eat their brains --cus that's what zombies do, dontcha know *wink*.
into orbit

Stay tuned for Alien Abduction Act VIII: Zombie Dave Battles The Aliens!


I gotta tell ya the more I recollect about my completely, 100% factual, honest-to-god, alien abduction, the more glad I am that my abduction wasn't like what others report. Cus the standard alien abduction usually goes something like this:

"Duh, hu-yuck. Ah wuz dravin' thru duh cornfields afta droppin' off muh cuzzin laight at naight when allovuhsuddenlike ah see's these goll-danged briaght liaghts. Next thin' ah knows is thaight ah'm ona 'peratin' tay-bull with weird stuff bein' shoved up muh butt. Now's since eet whunint Friaday naight down at th' bar ah's phigurred it muhsta been them dang-ed ALIENS!"

Yup, glad that kind of alien abduction story didn't happen to me!


Well, I promised you a hint on identifying the critter that left the sign and what the critter was eating, so here is your hint:
critter signs

Should be easy now, and that's why it's only worth USD$5 now.

Hey, pssst! Over here... For those of you who love spicy food, dave has made a hot sauce. It lives right here: Dingo Dave's Dangerously Hot Chili Sauce. This is not for the faint of heart!

BONUS! Another thrilling Conversation With Wifey-Poo!

Yours Truly: Honey! I need help!

Wifey-Poo: *a LOT of help* Oh, what happened dear?

YT: I haven't posted a funny conversation betwixt us in yonks!

WP: Your point being?

YT: I need you to think of something really funny really fast.

WP: I am married to the most studly guy in the entire world and I would be totally lost without him and his awesome masculinity.

YT: Well I know THAT! But I still need something funny to write!

WP: Just type it in exactly as I said it.

YT: But, but...

WP: You've got smart readers, they'll get it.

YT: Ooooookay, but only if you're sure.

WP: Oh I'm very sure they'll get the joke.


Karl said...

Yup - got it...


TwoYaks said...

Where are these mythical smart readers? I'm sure she's not thinking of us.. our continued reading precludes any smart-ness! ;)