His Royal Highness, Lord and Master of All He Surveys, Defender of The Rift, Protector of The Innocent, The All Powerful, King of The Realm, Defender of The Weak, Champion of The Just, Decapitator of Pigeons, Grand Sultan of South Australia, Bearer of The Fangs of Terror...
*insert dramatic pause here*
Has anyone guessed by now that there is a very special cat that lets us share the house with him?
Whenever he has to go to the vet (this always involves copious amounts of blood loss on my part), the vet he sees ALWAYS remarks about how big his fangs are and how healthy his teeth are. I nervously tell him or her it's cuz he chews on my legs all day. They laugh, not realizing what is about to happen...
quickly becomes this as the vet tries to take his temp or give him a shot:
No prizes will be awarded for correctly guessing just WHO gets the shot and whose temperature gets taken!
Needless to say, we generally aren't welcome at the same vet twice. Neither is the cat.
I, however, have learned to live with (wait upon hand and foot) Bagheera. See? He can be nice:
And if has roastingly hot bricks to lay on
or some warm stairs to pose on
or some plants to sleep in
or perhaps a dirt-filled coffin to sleep in during the day
or maybe a lawn to flop on
and, of course, doing kitty porn whenever he wants to
and to pretty much hang out wherever he wants to
will hopefully prevent this
from becoming this too often!
Do you know how he likes to wake me up? Besides the nightly trampoline practice on my stomach at 2 AM, of course. He sits on the headboard above me, carefully puts a paw out, unsheaths an inch-long, razor-sharp claw, and stabs the end of my nose! Just imagine one of these waking you up:
The other day we had grilled lamb ribs for dinner. The cat reached up to the bone plate (without even having to stretch) and grabbed a rib. The next thing I here is the cat cracking and breaking the rib! I kid you not! Just glad it wasn't one of my bones.
He also likes to channel the Headless Horseman! Whenever he gets a pigeon or mouse or rat or lizard or wallaby or bunyip he always bites the head off in one chomp and eats it whole. No blood, no mess, just one very satisfied looking cat.
Go on and try to guess which one is NOT a rainbow lorikeet!
Does anyone feel like captioning this?