Sunday, December 02, 2007

I CAN add... sorta...

Lessee... 1+1=2, 2+2=5, 5+5=21... Oops, musta been Hobbes doing my math homework for me...

I know, I can hear you saying from all throughout the blogosphere, "Dave, is this going somewhere?" My answer is, "Yes, it is going somewhere; just be patient and keep reading."

Waaaaaay back when I was in elementary school I didn't due well in math, nor did I doo well in paper writing, and even though I was very active, me and organis(z)ed sports didn't seem to get along too well. I seemed to be destined to be a totally useless middle management type dude with a beer gut who watches the world go by while other people do cool things.

That all changed in junior high school when math classes introduced variables --algebra and all that stuff. It was like flipping a light switch in the empty morass of little dave's empty brain: Suddenly it all made sense.

Needless to say, I was in physics, advanced chem, and calculus while still in high school --wee-hooie! Engineering vistas unfolded before my wondering eyes. I also started doing better in my chosen sports (at the time: xc running, xc skiing, bowling).

I was a few years in petro eng in college, but decided the oil patch was NOT where this hippy kid wanted to be so I switched to a double in Math and Geology (had to do something with all the math and geo credits I had, eh?)

I could solve second order partial differential equations; fluid dynamic equations and thermo were a breeze. Now, I still couldn't write a damn paper to save my life so the liberal arts really weren't for me.

I enjoyed lab work in chem and physics, especially the blowing stuff up part! Hey, I know what part of the miniscus to read when measuring volumes. And I can even tell you why they form!

However... I am still blond! I have long blond hair that I haven't cut in yonks (that's aussie for a long bleedin' time) and it's starting to get a lot lighter as I spend more time in the pool --even my eyebrows are now bleached blond!!!!).

You know all those blond jokes? Well, they apply to us guys too!

You remember all that math and science crap you just skimmed over? Do you think that anyone who's been through all that can read a kitchen scale properly when weighing his beautiful, fresh organic tomatoes as they come off the vine? Well? Do Ya? Especially when said person has been told he should open a restaurant and is *supposed* to know his way around a kitchen!

Well, if your answer was something along the lines of... "of course dave won't be able to read the damned scale properly," then you win!

Did I look at the increments on the gram side of the scale? NO! Did I wonder why the ounces didn't match the grams I thought I was weighing? NO!

Sigh... Yes, I can count and I can add: I just can't read a damned kitchen scale!

Here's the updated and FIXED tomato(e) numbers:

Total weight of tomatoes: 495 grams (1.1 pounds)
Total number of tomatoes this season: 3
Number of tomatoes currently on plants: 56

NOW we're looking at more like 75-80 pounds of tomatoes for the season: very very cool!

Over and out!


KreativeMix said...

LOL.. you're witty!! very interesting post

Kentucky Girl said...

THAT is a horking lot of tomatoes. What are you going to do with them all?

Alaskan Dave Down Under said...

kreativemix: Oh come on now, WHO told you I was funny? Harumph! It's just me bein' me. You should read me when I'm trying to be funny; it's even worse!

KG: Horking... maybe meaning "to hork", or "that I have been horked", "hork me", "hork you and the horse you rode in on", or perhaps even "I've horked you", or how's abouts the good ole standby "hork that poo". What are we(e) planning on doing with the h*rk load of tomatoes? I think I'll let them ripen and then go rotten so that when you come down to visit for a dip in the pool I have something to throw at you LOL! Either that or(e) we'll just eat em.

Ishmael said...

Dang.... Just when where're entering the plastic tomato season up here!