The Birds and The Bees

Whoopsie, there I go with a typo in the post title again. Damn, I just hate it when I do that. It should have been the birds and the BEERS.

Big difference. Just a huuuuuuge, monsterous difference! It was also a huuuuuge, monsterous pickle...

Ahem

Actually, I guess it should have been the birds and the BEEAH since Aussies have a hard time pronounckeeatin' an "r" at the end of a word, and sometimes in the middle of it too.

So that "bugger" comes out as "bugga". "Beer" becomes "beeah". "Shane Warne" becomes "Shane Waaahnie", or sometimes pronounced as "Greatest Spinnah of all time no matta what that little chuckah from Sri Lanka says".

Well, at least that's how the Aussies pronounce his name. I'm sure the Sri Lankans pronounce Shane Warne's name slightly differently. Just slightly, mind you.

Of course, ever' region has it's own peculiah way to speak woids, no matta what thuh spellin' 'r da 'fishial anglish wordin'.

Take, for instance, say... hmmmmmm... Alaska!

Let's say you have an old, crappy, rusted-out, piece-of shit, truck that barely runs. Someone from Anchorage would probably pronounce that as "old, crappy, rusted-out, piece-of shit, truck that barely runs". HOWEVER, a person from Ester (just outside of Fairbanks) might pronounce it as "the family limousine". And someone from Kodiak would probably call it "The Kokon Mobile".

The same thing goes for the lower 48.

Take the fraze "10,000 square foot mansion". Depending on where you are stateside, you'd pronounce the frase differently upon spotting the structure. Someone from Beverly Hills would pronounce it as "tacky and small"; whereas on the east coast of Outside, let's say... hmmmmmmm... Martha's Vineyard, they'd pronounce the words "10,000 square foot mansion" as "servant's quarters".

Anyways, I'm sure that explains the typo in the title of this blog post. It should read "The buhds and The Beeahs", NOT "The Birds and The Bees.

There. I feel better now, do you?

Since I've made you read through all the above crap, let me show you some bird pics --since just perhaps that might have something to do with the post.

This first one illustrates quite nicely just how leaned over the bird feeder is. Please note the bench in the lower left to give you some idea of a level horizon.





Pahdon me, suh. But would you happen to have any Grey Poupon?

Bugga off, mate!





Are you two up for a threesome?



Next topic: BEEAH!

I've started homebrewing recently. In fact, the fisrt batch of lager is half gone after one week. But don't worry, the ale will be ready in a couple of days and the "Mexican Cerveza" should be ready to be bottled in a couple of days. Ummmm, cerveza is hispanic for beeah, BTW.

I'm using a Cooper's Brew Kit. They make it soooooo darned easy and cheap! Very simple as long as you take the time to sterilise everything between batches and you keep the temperature at the proper level for the brew you are making.

Cooper's Brewery is Australia's largest producers of malt extract. And they are just around the corner from us. Cool. And they have lot's and lot's of different malts ready for you to make some darned good beer!

Here's how to make it yourself. Oh, keep in mind I've already cleaned out and disinfected all the parts of the primary fermenter before starting this.

First, you take your 1.7 litre can of hopped, malt extract and soak in some hot water so it pours nicely:




You then go into your brewery. Here's the door to mine:




Open the can of hopped malt. BTW, can openers rarely get cleaned by most folk. This could be a huge source of bacteria which could make your beer go bung, so make sure you clean and disinfect the can opener too.




Pour the liquid into the fermenter. Notice I've put the valve in BEFORE pouring! Also you'll see a little slotted thingy on the inside of the spigot. That's so you don't get loads of sediment in your bottles.




Fill the empty can up with boiling water, and then swirl the water around to get all that malty goodness out of the can:




Be careful when pouring the water into the vat, cus that can will be HOT!




Add another half litre of boiling water to the fermenting vat:




But don't get the camera too close or you'll fog your lens.




Add 8 litres of room temp water to the vat. BTW, this is my "beer bucket". Only clean water has ever touched it's sides and it's disinfected before each batch.




Your fermenter should be about a third full now.




Now it's time to stir the heck out of it! It'll take a couple of minutes of stirring to get the malt completely dissolved:




Coming up next: adding the brewing sugar! And more water! And more stirring! And yeast!