Tranks and Yanks

AAAAHHHHHHHIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHH!!! There, now that I have your attention... I woke up with a rather odd sensation betwixt me shoulder blades this morning. No, I lie: I didn't notice it till I tried to move out of the damn bed!

I'm sure y'all're familiar with the Johnny Cash song Sunday Morning Sideways, but take that pain and put it right to the left of my right shoulder blade. Hey, word game: let me switch the left and right and see where the pain ends ups... Here we go: take the pain and put it left to the right of my left shoulder blade... HEY! Whaddya know! My back is asymmetrical! Ha, it's just a trick of grammar and math cus after having seen the x-rays of my back I know for sure that it's not symmetrical (and I knew for sure I didn't want a pickle --thanks Arlo).

Nonetheless (allthemore????) I decided to face the day. Checked to see if the stain on mum-in-laws chair was dry (I stained the wood I used to repair it, dummy), it was. So I put the rocking chair all back together again (didn't need help from the king's horses and men) and brought it inside. Hmmmm, nope, pulled muscle in back still hurts.

Next up, I bounded up the stairs and did my push-ups. Note, I try to do 5 pushups at the top of the stairs each time I go up them. On a normal day (at least normal for me), I'll do at least 100 or so. Nope, back still hurts, damn.

Plop my lazy ass in front of the 'puter and see if I have any readers yet... Nope, no comments from y'all --I know you are out there, I can see you in the dark depths of cyberspace. Damn, back still hurts.

Ok, let out the dawn patrol (vicious black panther with 2 inch fangs goes out on the roof), make tea and coffee, water everything, set up some vids to dub to dvd, sit on the toilet (oops, you may not have needed to know that). Nope, damn, back still hurts --especially during the wiping part.

Get on with the day, hoping the ultra-strenuosityness of my day will loosen it up. Nope, damn, back still hurts.

Ok, time for some chemical warfare... Let us see, if memory serves me right (thanks, Kaga), then copious amounts (that means a sh*tload) of C2H5OH administered orally for a few hours (get your HEAD out of the gutter) acts as a powerful muscle relaxant.

Tick...

Tick...

Tick...

Tick...

Tick...

Tick...

Tick...

Hick...

Tick...

Tick...

Tick...

Tick...

tckk....

citkk..

ttkkkk...

teeeek...

snore...


Hey! Whad'ya know! It works! No more pain, and as a bonus, I got rid of all the rest of those pesky brain cells. Weee-hooo!

Time to set up the hammock for the season, it's 82 outside (in the shade) so I think the jacket can stay inside. Springtime down here is very nice... I'm getting pretty darned acclimated as we don't even bother with the a/c till it's over 100. Boy am I getting tan! Plenty of folate protects the skin too. Oh, BTW if any of you (3, maybe 4, by now) need a surefire cure for sunburn just let me know.

Edit: We, the revered Iolian translators, would like to take this opportunity to remind the huddled masses that dave's readership was SIGNIFICANTLY lower at the time of this writing than the untold trillions nowadays.

I due believe I promised y'all one of my most revered recipes... Never one to forget my promises:


Dave's long-awaited, long-promised, extra-special, deliciously yummy, highly fattening (not really), cinnamon bread recipe!



Here's what you need:

3 eggs (you know, the kind chooks lay, NOT Emus)
1 3/4 cups sugar (a cup is pretty darned close to 250 ml --237ml if you care)
1 cup olive oil (extra virgin gives it a slightly bitter taste, just use a regular virgin)
2 teaspoons (10 ml) vanilla extract (real or imitation, it don't matter --except the price)
2 tablespoons (30 ml --although if you are in the UK it'd be 40ml) orange juice
3 cups flour (NOT self-rising!!! Duh) ummm, that's 750 mls for those of you who can't
multiply 250 ml x 3
1 teaspoon salt (5 ml)
1 teaspoon (see above) baking soda
1/4 teaspoon (a bit more than 1 ml) baking powder
2 teaspoons (10 ml) cinnamon powder (mmmmm, yummy --and healthy!!)
1/2 cup sultanas (raisins) or nuts (Heck, use both and however much you want! Walnuts are great!)


Here's what you do:

Beat eggs until light, add the sugar and whisk the heck out of it (you can cheat and use mechanical assistance, but it's much more fun with just a whisk).

Stir in the olive oil, vanilla and orange juice, mix WELL.

Chuck in all the dry ingredients while stirring (you'll have tossed the whisk in favor of a wooden spoon by this point).

Add the sultanas and nuts then mix again (same wooden spoon works fine here).

You should have a fairly thick (not as thick as cookie dough, though) batter (and it tastes yummy at this point too).

Turn the batter into two greased and floured breadpans and then bake them suckers at around 190 C (375 F) for about 50 minutes (3000 seconds) or until the bread tests done (tap it, skewer it, or however you like to test bread).

Slice it up and serve! Great with butter or melted cheddar cheese. It's best hot, and it nukes well for reheating a slice or two.


See? Sea!? C! I really can cook.

Enjoy your day everyone,
cheers,
dave