Saturday, September 23, 2006

Visited by Visions

Visions and Hallucinations

Yo, dudes (and dudettes). In case you didn't know, I've the best damned eyes around --actually, they aren't perfectly round, duh.

However, before I get to telling you why my eyes (I do wear glasses sometimes) are so damn good, I first need to mention something. Now, this is for you good folks from the future who are perusing (reading maniacally at 3 am) this here ole rich, popular blog.

Oh shit! I just got back upstairs here (insert 20 minute break after the last paragraph) and found those lines typed... I HAVE NO IDEA (memory dies with age) where it was going... SHIT! See, this is why we need one of those instant note type thingy doohickeys that transmits your thoughts into the damn computer. Now, I realize (realise) for those of you reading 50 years from now that it is common technology (huge boom in blogging on March 3rd, 2032... then when the patent expired in 2052 and it was produced for 1/10000th of the price in Ghana suddenly everyone had a blog), but right now in 2006 it sure ain't! Hmmm, I could make a fortune with that idea...

Ok, getting back to my eyes. Now, I've only got 20/35 in the right and 20/40 in the left. I do put on my glasses for watching a movie in the theatre or watching one on our big screen tube with the awesome surround sound. With my contacts in I have 20/15 in both eyes, and that is VERY cool. But that's not why I have the best damn eyes around... I can see in the dark.

Now come on dammit! Don't mouse away over to the next blog, I'm not kidding! Seriously, I can see in the dark. Would you like some examples? Of course you would:

1) We have a cat. Not just any cat, mind you. We have a CAT. He is totally black and was born on All Hallow's Eve. He's not allowed out at night (otherwise the entire neighborhood (neighbourhood) would be full of corpses drained of their blood, but that's another story). On the rare occasion when he (unholy terror from hell --he's sooo cute) gets out at night I go get him. Now, not only do I know his favorite (favourite) hiding places, but I can see him in them WITHOUT a flashlight. Thinks about this: Black cat, night, hiding in the shadows... and I can see him.

2) I don't turn on the lights in the middle of the night when I get up. No, it's not cus I know where everything is in the house (it changes daily, trust me on that) but because I see where I'm going. No lie, this is true.

3) When we set up the telescope in the backyard, I can easily change the viewing lenses without the red-tinted flashlight (torch). No one else can even see where the heck the box is that holds the spare lenses.

4) I have to keep my incisors filed down.

5) I don't have to file the horns since I have long, flowing hair that covers them up.

6) The leathery, bloody wings fold up quite nicely under a shirt.

Seriously, I can see very very very well in the dark. Now, if I could just think of some way to make a lot of money with this superpower of mine... Any ideas?

ON WITH THE FOOD (shouted the queen, thanks Lewis Carroll)

More Dips --some folks would say it's cus I'm a dipshit. They'd be right!


Or at least that how I think it's spelt (spelled). This is that nice, yummy, yoghurty dip (or sauce depending on how thick you make it) you can get with your yiro. It's also served with greek lamb dishes and also used as a dip.

Now the yohgurt (yogurt, yoghurt, heck who cares, we know what it is) to use is PLAIN. No nothin, no fruit, no vanilla, just PLANE --oops, PLAIN. Most grocery stores down here have "Greek Style", but that's a fancy way of saying "PLAIN OLE YOGURT". If you pay more than Aus$4 a litre (USD$3 per quart) then you are getting ripped off. In fact, if you pay for your yogurt AT ALL then you are getting RIPPED OFF!!!!!


It's very easy. You can make it in a thermos, but it's easier in an "off the shelf" yoghurt maker. I think they run about 10 to 15 bucks. You'll need one (and only ONE) packet of plain yogurt. Gee dave, why only one packet? Cus after you make a batch (1 litre --1 quart) you start the next batch off with around 100 to 200 mls (3.5 to 7 oz) of the last batch. See?? You get it??? FREE YOGURT! FREE, LIKE, FOREVER!!!! Just make sure you clean the container well betwixt batches (boiling water and/or anti-bacterial soap, not just regular dish soap).

So, you've got your FREE yogurt (more in a later post about yoghurt --did you know you can make a great creamy cheese overnight from yogurt with no rennet?), now what?


Yogurt (well duh) around 200 mls (7 oz) or thereabouts
peeled cucumber; 1 to 2 inches worth (don't matter what kind, Lebanese, Continental, whatever)
garlic cloves (can be raw, blanched, sauteed or roasted... Hmmm, garlic post coming soon to a blog near you)


Mince the cucumber as fine as you possibly can. I do this by slicing it (not shaving, but I can do that too --impressed? No, damn) then laying the slices on the cutting board and then chopping straight up and down as quick as I can (I have a very cool video and pics of me doing this, very impressive). If you do it right (practice, practice, practice --oops, didn't need that finger) then in about ten seconds you'll have the finest minced cucs there ever was.

Add the minced cuc to the yogurt (use a bowl, eh?).

If you are using raw or blanched garlic, then smash the garlic with the flat of the knive blade and mince thoroughly, add to the bowl.

For sauteed garlic, just mine it up finely, then add to the bowl.

If you've roasted the garlic, just squeeze the garlic cream into the bowl.

Grab a spoon and mix everything thoroughly.

For a thinner Tzatziki, take your yogurt out of the yogurt maker after only 12 hours.

Tzatziki freezes quite well, no worries there.

To sum up: Yogurt, minced cuc, minced garlic! Makes a great dip.

Now all your vampire, devil, werewolf myths are totally debunked! I love garlic, and I can see in the dark (with all the accutrements thereof).

Coming soon: Blood Sausage!

cheers from Oz,


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