I've Upgraded My Tool

Yes, it's true. I had to get a new tool. My old tool was getting droopy and floppy, and it just, well, couldn't get the job done anymore. Besides, I used it for things it just wasn't designed for...

Now don'tch'all goes thinkin' that I'm vain --well, actually, I am but that's not the point-- cuz this was Wifey-Poo's (WP) idea. In fact, she just couldn't walk past the long, gleaming, stainless-steel shaft as we were at "one of those" shops.

Hey, she insisted!

Not only is this new tool stainless steel, but it also has these nifty rubber grips on it so you can handle it deftly. And it's HUGE! This puppy is 471 mm long! Now I realise that one or two of you in the USA have a hard time figuring things out with base ten (like the number of digits on your hands), so I'll go ahead and convert that into a unit you may be familiar with...

My new tool is one-quarter of a fathom long! Yessiree! HUGE! LONG! And studly! Ha!

Obviously, WP insisted we try it as soon as we got home. I can safely say that she absolutely LOVES it! I won't go into details here, but I gotta tell ya that this baby will do ANYTHING. It's even large and stiff enough to open beer bottles!

How many guys can say that they can open beer bottle with their tool and please their woman afterwards? And I ain't talkin' wussy twist-off ones either! Ahem. I'll just gloat some more now!

There is one slight drawback though... I've got to do a bit of clothing alteration. I mean, if this baby flopped out in public I'd be mobbed!

Hey, do you guys wanna see it? Huh? How about it? *wink* *nudge*

I realise that the following pictures may not be work safe, but that sorta depends upon where you work. And if you are blogging from work --which we all know NONE of you would dare do!

Here we go!

CLOSEUP PICS OF DAVE'S AWESOME NEW TOOL!

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Get ready...

Just look at how big and shiny this baby is! Guaranteed to satisfy anyone!

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And just look at the size compared to a whisk and a beer!

That's a 750 ml bottle, not a wussy half-size US beer bottle!


Let's zoom in for a closeup!



And it opens bottles!!!!!




This baby is soooo strong and solid I think I could lift a turkey with it. Although why you'd want to put a turkey on the grill is beyond me... And there's no way this'd fit in a normal grill apron pouch, hence some alterations are needed.

And if anyone is wondering about the beer I was opening, here it is:




PS I've just read the portion of this post BEFORE the pictures and I think that perhaps, just maybe, some of my more perverted readers MAY have gotten the wrong impression of what I was writing about. If you are one of them, then GOOD ON YA MATE!