What the heck has dave been smoking?

This'll be a quickie post today cus WP and I are going to go hide in the woods for the day. Don't worry, we'll be bundling up quite well as it's only going to get to 68F today in the shade. BRRRRRRR!

But what have I been smoking lately? Did you know it's legal down here? Now you do.

I was going to post all the info and pics here but blogger is very slow so I'll just link to it:

I've been smoking this.

And this too, also.

... they're taking me with them, Doolittle...

So, like, what movie am I referencing and what the hell does the title of this post mean? I'll give you a hint: Very Famous Director.

Here's the rest of the shoot:











I'm assuming (and guess what that makes both of us!) you've all had a chance to research koalas. Everyone should now know about the two claws on "one" toe of the hind feet. And also how many digits on the front paws are opposable. Of course you all probably know about the fingerprints too, also.

What? Did I confuse you? Then go visit Ma Google and find out! Sheesh, like I've got time to do your research for you? Well, if you pay me...

To The Unobservant and Incurious Visitors; UPDATED

I REALLY had expected to be posting about this the very next day after the previous post went up. I (obviously quite mistakenly) thought that most of my loyal readers would notice something odd about one of the pictures. This is also why I didn't post anything for a while as I thought that, just perhaps, with a little more time someone would notice.

But noooooooooo. Apparently the tendency of a certain governor of a certain US State way up north to be rather unobservant and incurious seems to somehow rubbed off onto all my loyal readers.

Oh heck, let's go off topic here and show some old pics of SP's armpits during the campaign, shall we? Yes, we shall --for the benefit of my new readers who haven't bothered to look through my archives.

So, pics of Sarah Palin. Her armpits, specifically.

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I now fully expect the governors office of The State of Alaska to waste valuable time and money issuing a press release with a tone best summed up by this picture:




Back to the original topic!

Which picture am I blabbering on about for last post? It would be this one specifically:




Here, let me help some unobservant and incurious folk out by drawing their attention to a specific part of the picture:




I'd been trying for yonks to get a good pic of a wild koala showing the TWO CLAWS ON ONE TOE. Yonks! I'd been trying for YONKS! I finally get the shot, and no one notices...

Sigh...

Unless, of course, you all already know why so you saw no reason to point it out! Right? Hey, trying to give y'all the benefit of the doubt, doncha know. You betcha!

Update number one: *wink* *nudge*

Update number two: The absolute BEST movie stunt evah is in a movie titled Project A, Part One. Why, firstly it's a very cool stunt. And the main character actually did it himself, no wires, no kirby-gear, no way to rehearse the stunt, and there was only ONE chance to get the shot. Any guesses as to what I'm talking about?

I Am In Serious Need of HELP!

... although most of you figured that out a loooooooong time ago.

Am I right? Or am I right? Right? Right!

Quick, what movie was the above line from?

The help I need is figuring out some of this newfangled modern slang that even folks only 10 years younger than me are using. No, not down here in Oz. Heck, aussies have been using the same slang for yonks now so they aren't gonna change.

No, I'm talking about y'all in the USofA.

What the heck is Beer Pong? And how come I never heard of it in college? We could seriously party at good ole UAF (stands for U Are F*cked) and I never heard of it. So what is it? What are the rules?

Does anyone still play quarters?

Why play a drinking game anyways? Do you really need an excuse?

What is the deal with the spelling of the word "the" becoming "teh" in certain instances? How is it pronounced? What does it mean? When is it ok to use it?

...

AND YOU KIDS STAY OFF MY LAWN AND OUTTA MY POOL! *grumble, grumble*


Seriously though: what is beer pong and what's with "teh"?

Please help, pretty please?

As a bribe, I'll offer up some cool pics of aussie wildlife! Cus I'm nice.

I'll start with a dog. Not any ole dog, but the biggest dog I've ever seen --and I've seen some huge ones. Saw this bloke when WP and I were down at the Saturday Willunga Market picking up some freshly made venison sausage. I'm sure someone out there knows what kind he is (I know cus I asked the keepers of this beast).




He was also the friendliest, most well behaved, one and a half year old dog I've met.


I'm now very good at koala spotting. My neck doesn't like staring upwards for an hour straight while hiking and my toes, feet, and ankles really want me to watch where I'm walking.



This one is tired out from sleeping all day.

Don't laugh, it's comfy.



And what would a post be without some birdie pics?






Don't see the emus around too much, but these are wild ones.

Oh, dahhhhhling! I just left the salon and don't I look gorgeous? The fluffed, brushed, blond feathers along with the wonderful eye shadow make me look a treat!

I've Upgraded My Tool

Yes, it's true. I had to get a new tool. My old tool was getting droopy and floppy, and it just, well, couldn't get the job done anymore. Besides, I used it for things it just wasn't designed for...

Now don'tch'all goes thinkin' that I'm vain --well, actually, I am but that's not the point-- cuz this was Wifey-Poo's (WP) idea. In fact, she just couldn't walk past the long, gleaming, stainless-steel shaft as we were at "one of those" shops.

Hey, she insisted!

Not only is this new tool stainless steel, but it also has these nifty rubber grips on it so you can handle it deftly. And it's HUGE! This puppy is 471 mm long! Now I realise that one or two of you in the USA have a hard time figuring things out with base ten (like the number of digits on your hands), so I'll go ahead and convert that into a unit you may be familiar with...

My new tool is one-quarter of a fathom long! Yessiree! HUGE! LONG! And studly! Ha!

Obviously, WP insisted we try it as soon as we got home. I can safely say that she absolutely LOVES it! I won't go into details here, but I gotta tell ya that this baby will do ANYTHING. It's even large and stiff enough to open beer bottles!

How many guys can say that they can open beer bottle with their tool and please their woman afterwards? And I ain't talkin' wussy twist-off ones either! Ahem. I'll just gloat some more now!

There is one slight drawback though... I've got to do a bit of clothing alteration. I mean, if this baby flopped out in public I'd be mobbed!

Hey, do you guys wanna see it? Huh? How about it? *wink* *nudge*

I realise that the following pictures may not be work safe, but that sorta depends upon where you work. And if you are blogging from work --which we all know NONE of you would dare do!

Here we go!

CLOSEUP PICS OF DAVE'S AWESOME NEW TOOL!

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Get ready...

Just look at how big and shiny this baby is! Guaranteed to satisfy anyone!

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And just look at the size compared to a whisk and a beer!

That's a 750 ml bottle, not a wussy half-size US beer bottle!


Let's zoom in for a closeup!



And it opens bottles!!!!!




This baby is soooo strong and solid I think I could lift a turkey with it. Although why you'd want to put a turkey on the grill is beyond me... And there's no way this'd fit in a normal grill apron pouch, hence some alterations are needed.

And if anyone is wondering about the beer I was opening, here it is:




PS I've just read the portion of this post BEFORE the pictures and I think that perhaps, just maybe, some of my more perverted readers MAY have gotten the wrong impression of what I was writing about. If you are one of them, then GOOD ON YA MATE!

Whatcha Y'all Think?

About the new theme song here at me ole blog? Didcha notice I put up a nice little control bar so youse can mute it? Not that anyone would want to with a great song like this!

Now, I know for a fact this was around at least as early as 1880 --has something to do with slingshotting around a massive gravity well, don't ask-- but if anyone knows of it before then I'd be happy to hear about it.

BTW, does anyone know the song or who did this particular cover of it? Yes, I do know who so don't think you're a big ole smartypants if you do know!

Coming soon to a stupid blog near you: Dave gets a new tool (cus his old one was droopy), Dave gets very rich (hey, I really know a bloke named Rich), and Dave smokes some very weird stuff!

So stay tuned!

Meantime, I've got 2 loaves of bread in the oven, burgers to make (and cook since no one here likes raw burgers), spuds to peel (and cook as my extra special chips; again since no one here likes raw spuds), and bacon to fry --what would a burger be without bacon?

The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men...

... can most certainly go awry! But gosh, what lucky plans they were to be bestly laid.

I was planning on putting up the post about how the faeries and leprechans kidnapped me, took me hostage in the woods, I escaped, took the leprechan leader with me as a hostage, and forced them to give me all of their gold.

But I don't have time.

Why? Cus I need to make some whipped cream stuffed crepes for dessert, AND I haven't even started to make the bbq sauce for the faerie wings.

Needless to say, I'm a little busy. Add to that the guarding of the golden faerie hoard that I have to do... Well, I hope you understand that I'm busy.

Anyways, here's a few really cruddy pics of aussie wildlife for y'all to peruse while I go make crepes and fend off some really pissed off little flitty critters!

A Brief Glimpse Inside My Mind

But first, a picture of a koala hanging out



Now I'll answer those movie questions from two posts ago! And you'll get some idea of how my brain works --or doesn't work.

At the end of the post I asked how many movies I referenced and what were the movies. Actually, there were references to more than just movies and I'll now fill in the blanks for y'all. Cus I'm nice.

The first was the title of the post. In fact, I even then explained it. Did anyone mention how they remember that bloke? Nope. If you watched ESPN in the early 80's you could not have missed it.

Next was the line I coulda been a contenda from the movie On The Waterfront from 1954. I wasn't sure if anyone would get this one since it's one of those very well known lines that most people don't know where it's from. Kudos go to Liz at Love A New Idea for knowing that.

Next up is this line, that was used lately in film Gladiator (very good movie, BTW). We who are about to die, salute you! HOWEVER, it was used many times before then. I remember hearing in Carry On Cleo from 1962. I think the first use of it was in the 1951 movie Quo Vadis, and it was also used in at least 2 of the silent movies of Quo Vadis back in 1909 and 1919 (I think, my memory is fuzzy from back then...) BUT, if you try to use the ole system of tubes and "the google" the only movie reference you'll come up with is Gladiator. Just remember, Wikipedia and google ain't always right!

Next up is The Rocky Horror Picture Show. And if any of you don't know this movie then you did not have very much fun back in the 70's (1970's, that is). Remember when Tim Curry said the line, "I see you shiver in antici..." then there's a LONG pause during which the audience yells SAY IT, "Pation." I thought for sure that by using this line The crowd gasps in breathless antici........Pation! that someone would've got it.

And then, of course, there's Animal House. The line I used is Oh boy, this is gonna be great! which is verbatim from the huge parade finale at the end; Flounder uttered that memorable line in the movie BTW.

Then there's the Spaceballs reference with this line Hahaha! Your puny attack won't work against The Schwartz! No, it's not verbatim, but I thought for sure y'all would get The Schwartz reference.

The next one isn't from a movie, it's from a cartoon. A bugs Bunny cartoon to be exact. Remember when he's in a wrestling ring with a huge beast of a bloke in tight, green shorts? And bugs is getting whupped? Anyone remember what he does in the middle? Where he dives to the announcers microphone? ANYONE? No, I didn't use the line that Bugs used word for word, but I was secretly hoping someone would get it. And the Champ is down!

The last one I thought for sure would just be too easy which is why I didn't add Klytus', "pathetic" to the end of the line cus I thought that'd really give it away. You have until the sands... run up. C'mon, someone has to know what movie this is from!!!!

Immaculate Ibis Images

I had a huge post planned about just how rich I've just now become, BUT I just had to post these pictures of a Skeksis invasion of Playford Lake. Of course we don't call them Skeksis here on Earth; we instead refer to them as Ibis.

As we all know the 42 books of ancient wisdom (hey, where do you think Douglas Adams got his research from? ME!) written by Thoth were the precursors to the books I'll be writing in a thousand years... But, more importantly, Ibis is the modern translation of Thoth (okay, I just made that last part up).

There ya go; 3000 years of history is one short paragraph.

Before I post the Ibis pics, I have to ask you a question. I do know the answer so don't think you're smarter than me, hmmph.

What is the name of these birds, what did they used to be called, when was the name changed, and why was the name changed?

Well, alright, I'm sorry. That was 4 questions. But I'm sure that some biologist up in Squarebanks will be equal to the task. BTW, no biologisteses from Alaska are allowed to use google or wikipedia. The rest of you can, no worries.

Oh, and feel free to add a caption to any of the photos in the comments, no worries!

And if anyone wants a fullsize wallpaper (optimised for your screen size) of any of these, just drop me a line, no worries.

alaskandavedownunder(at)gmail(dot)com

Heeeeeeerrrrreeeeee we go! (We'll start with the crappy ones first)





























Yeah, I can't think of much else to say either. Except, of course, BLOODY GREAT PICTURES DAVE!!!!!!