More Pretty Sarah Palin Pics

I figure since it's been a while since I've put up any cool Aussie bird pics that some of you may knot know what I see each morning when I get up to go have a quick dip in the pool.

Doesn't the facial expression of the galahs just sorta, kinda, MAYBE remind you of some particular Wasilla resident and ex-guv of Alaska?

First, here she is trying to hide from the media:

Ummmm, $arah, you aren't hiding very well.



And then she fixes her beady little eyes upon a certain youth of her dotter's --that's right, two t's!-- (quick, in what movie did Lee Marvin utter that line?) acquaintance:

Grrrrrrr!



Just a reminder, I've named one of the galahs that sometimes come by the backyard Sarah Palin.

And another reminder, not only is galah the type of parrot but it is also Aussie slang for a nong, meaning twit or idiot.

Something is seriously WRONG when 95 F feels chilly

Seriously! I was doing today's third arvo water on some of the plants outside and I then walked around the south side of the house. The shade on the south side felt cool! Slight goosebumps even started to make themselves known upon my forearms!

Fortunately, I was able to claw and crawl my way back into the sun (119.2 F) before hypothermia set in. Imagine my surprise to find out it was 95 F in the shade on the chilly side of the house.

How would I survive in Fairbanks, Alaska nowadays? Beats the hell out of me!

Heck, we haven't even had to turn the a/c on this arvo. Only do that when it gets hot, dontcha know.

It's a darned good thing that Chrissie wasn't hot. Otherwise I think the sushi would've gone bung. The cat certainly enjoyed another festive holiday season. In fact he's still enjoying it as we still have 3 more days of the food orgy to go.

Here he is enjoying the decorations:

I'm very glad that's a garland and NOT my intestine!


I must admit, this is just a wee bit much...




And there's only one thing to do when it's that hot!

For those of you interested, that's strawberry champagne and my world famous, extra special, peanut butter cheesecake with hot fudge sauce.


Lastly, a special message for those who have a standing invite: We's booked up from Feb to April of 2010. And don't plan your trip in our winter cus it gets really cold down here then! Plan your trip in Dec, Jan, or Feb if you need to thaw some old bones.

The Stuff Nightmares Are Made Of

Have you ever woke up suddenly in the middle of the night because some weird fanged beastie is gnawing upon your arms?

Or perhaps you've been startled awake by the same furry beastie tapping on your nose with a single, long claw? Worse yet, on your lips or even *shudder* an eyelid!

Welcome to my world!

And I have really weird dreams. Sometimes cool, sometimes scary.

I blame this:






and these




and these ones especially:




and even this expression!




these fangs look deadly




and these ones look like they could take your arm off




Of course, there's the off chance that my nightmares could be caused by either of these:







Sweet dreams everybody! Don't let the bedbugs bite!

but if they do then use dynamite

Guess What I Got For Christmas!

And oh boy did I get some super-duper, ultra-cool, totally-awesomely-groovy loot!

Or lute...

No, definitely loot! Cuz I can't play a lute, only a violin, fiddle, banjo, pipes, and balls (go ahead, guees). But I think I could learn a lute.

However, this post is not about lute's. Nor is it about lutefisk --which I'm sure is a type of Norwegian musical instrument and not some sort of extreme gastronomic experience.

Before --oh wait, that should be "B4" in modernspeak-- I get to tell you about some really nifty things that some really nifty people got me for xmas, I need to mention something about food.

I got up at 5:30 am xmas morning. No, it wasn't to shove the cat's head up his you-know-what as that occured at 3:00 am because of his constant yowling. It was cus I had to make brekkie.

Brekkie is Aussie for "The Breaking Of The Fast". In some parts of the world this is referred to as "breakfast". In Oz it is brekkie.

I made tzatziki, pineapple dip, my extra-special dark chocolate dipping sauce, pulled out the last of my homemade wensleydale cheese, and also made a sushi plate of nigiri sushi with smoked salmon 'n' avocado 'n' basil for garnish.

Don't believe me? Ha! Feast your little peepers on this:




This is what the coffee table looked like for brekkie Christmas morn:

Yes, those are kippers. And my own pickled cucs. The dark choc dipping sauce is in the upper left, above the fresh strawberries and the champagne flutes are nearby.

We. Had. A. Good. Brekkie.

Did you know that I get excited (DOWN dave!) over gifts for me? How many guys do you know who get excited over a set of saucepans as a pressie? Specifically if said guy has been drooling over the set but never bought them at the $179 price but then found them for $35, bought them himself, wrapped them himself, and then pretended to be surprised when he unwrapped them?

Yeah, not many guys. 'Cept Yours Truly.

And how many guys do you know who are so happy to receive 4 kilos of (no, not dope) fresh, organic soy beans?

Well, now you know one:



I've already made a pound of tofu and 11 soy burgers since receiving this wonderful gift that I ordered myself and paid for myself, WOO-HOO!

Another wonderful gift was received by Yours Truly (don't swoon ladies, I'm human). I don't look to happy to get this as it shows may age (and my really bad back --long story), but I gots to tell ya, THIS IS BLOODY-WELL GREAT!!!!!




One of the most coolest present I got was from a sailboat. SV Meerkat, to be specific! I truly have no idea how a sailboat can know just what I'd like for Chrissie, but this one sure did! Somehow she knew that my most favorite t-shirt had disintegrated and that I needed a replacement.

Here's a pic of the old shirt from yonks ago:




And here is my new, ultra-awesomely cool, newest, most favoritist shirt:




But I gots to tell ya, THIS pressie just really takes the cake!


It's a pump-action, machine-gun, uzi type, water gun that shoots water well over 30 feet!!!

I've had a fun Christmas!!!!!

The cat? He hasn't enjoyed his holidays since I can now drench him from halfway across the backyard!! Bwuu-hahahahhahahahahah!!!

Ahhhhh, Summer!

Adelaide Forecast
Issued at 5:15 am CDT on Wednesday 30 December 2009

Warning Summary
Fire Weather Warning.

Forecast for Wednesday
Dry and sunny. A hot to very hot day with light to moderate east to northeast
winds and a light to moderate afternoon and early evening coastal sea breeze.

Precis Dry. Sunny.
City: Max 39
Elizabeth: Max 40
Mount Barker: Max 38
Noarlunga: Max 38

UV Alert: 9:20 am to 5:20 pm, UV Index predicted to reach 10 [Very High]
Fire Danger: Severe [50-74] (Mount Lofty Ranges Fire Ban District)


Additional note from dave: Them temps are in C and they are in the shade.

Flat Stanley decided he likes the heat:




He had plenty of these, ice cold:




I did try to tell him that my ginger beer is better, but he didn't want to wait for the next batch so I very kindly went to the supermarket and bought him a few.

Three Cheers for The Grinch!!

Yes, it's that time of year again. The time of year when I post my first post after Christmas! Longtime readers and lurkers and stalkers know just what this means. *insert evil grin here*

For not only does the Grinch FINALLY get to win, but you also get a brief glimpse into the mind of Wifey-Poo. You'll all know why I married her after you read the whole post. BTW, it took her all of about 20 minutes to write the verse from scratch --she is a professional writer, dontcha know *wink*.

Sooooooo, here the post I put up a year ago. And the year before that. And the year before that, too, also.

------------------------------------------------


This poem was written by WP two years ago, I take zero credit for it.

This is told with the absolute greatest respect for Dr. Suess, BTW.

But... just what would've happened HAD the Grinch won?

Here's the original post I put up two years ago today:




Some of you may (or may not) have surmised that I am a BIG fan of the Grinch --ok, if you weren't hanging out with me in Squarebanks during the holidays yonks ago then you wouldn't know this, so TOUGH!

Anyways, every time I've watched the original Grinch cartoon (circa 1963) I've always hoped that maybe, just once, the Grinch would WIN. Now, don't get me wrong, I love the holidays and I love getting folks presents that are quite unexpected... But really now! Can't the Grinch win just ONCE????

DISCLAIMER: when Dr Suess passed away, we held a wake for him in our favorite pub in Squarebanks; so there! I'm not a Grinch (shhh, don't tell my dad, he'll be so embarrassed!)

So, like... what would it be like if the Grinch were to actually win?

The following is best read using Boris Karloff's voice in your head:

Oh, wait a sec: if you want to link or re-post this, then you've really, really, really, got to make sure you tell folks where it came from:

This Is An Alaskan Dave Down Under Original Poem! Please accept no substitutes! Ok, I lie... my wife wrote it... (really!)

Now you can turn on your Boris Karloff voice in your head:


The Night after Christmas

Twas the night after Christmas and Whoville was rocking
With the kind of wild party that brings people flocking.
The noise and the booze, all the singing and dancing ...
The racket and rumpus, the shmoozing and prancing ...
Would drive to the point of starting a riot
Any poor fellow who just fancied quiet.
And you already know who was sane by an inch:
Poised on the brink was the poor old green Grinch.

By nine in the morning even Max was vibrating
With the jackhammer jollity; it’s not overstating
That not even Max could endure so much ‘cheer,’
No matter how snockered one became on Who beer.
And by two in the P.M., oh, Maxie was worried,
For the Grinch looked so manic; the beast who’d been buried
Beneath fudge and tinsel, and the charm of a child
Had clawed back to the surface ... and my, he was wild!

All the popping and bopping, the preening and prancing,
The swinging and zinging, and -- oh, the break-dancing!
Were more than the Grinch could guess how to endure ...
And then, all at once, he envisioned a cure,
For there by the Christmas tree, flat on the floor,
Was one lonely present. A forgotten chainsaw.
And the Grinch had no sooner set eyes on that tool
Then he said to himself, “Grinchie, you’ll been such a fool,
To think you could bear all this ruckus and humbug,
This rumpus and dumpus, this scampus and scumbug,
This noise, noise, noise, noise, that these Whofolk call ‘fun,’
While the stores are all closed and you can’t buy a gun --
There isn’t a fowling piece (nor even a pheasant),
But one of these idiots forgot his best present!”
For under the Christmas tree, left on the floor,
Wrapped up in red ribbons lay a brand new chainsaw:

All shiny and sharpy, all toothy and jagged --
Just begging for gasoline! So, out the Grinch swaggered
With a light, empty gascan and a bag full of quarters,
To the gas station downtown, with a brain full of slaughters ...
There wouldn’t be any Who left to make noise!
They’d be peacefully absent, the Who girls and boys.
The Who-guys and ladies would be quiet as the snow --
And Cindy-Lou Who’d be the first one to go.


For the Grinch could envisage the headlines tomorrow,
When no Who in Whoville survived to feel sorrow --
Here was a task to which the Grinch felt quite equal
(And MGM’s already contracted the sequel):
GRINCH II: WHOVILLE CHAINSAW MASSACRE.

Santa Recovers! Christmas Saved! Vows Never Again To Visit Australia!

It all started innocently enough --at least enough for me. I decided to try my hand at making Chilli Beer.

The beer turned out pretty darned good, if I do say so myself. Unfortunately, I found out just a little too late that it has hallucinagenic properties.

Why was it too late, you ask? Well, I had already invited a mate of mine from up north to join me in unwinding before his yearly big night on December 24th. He had lot's of fun, that's for sure!

However with a little help from Yours Truly (that'd be me. Don't swoon ladies, I'm human) I was able to help Santa Claus overcome the morning after effects of my very potent Chilli Beer.

Doesn't he look happy?




He has since told me that he is never, EVER going to visit Australia again. And he made quite sure to mention that includes the night of December 24th! He also made mention of giving lumpy coal to any Alaskan who visits me, but I think that was in jest.

But what Santa didn't realise is there is a tertiary effect of drinking 4 cases of Dingo Dave's Extra Special Chilli Beer all in one afternoon...

Around 36 hours after imbibing large quantities of the above brew, said imbiber has a tendency (ok, 100% chance of) to develop the runs. Specifically, burning, aching, gut-wrenching, squirting-every-5-minutes, stinky type of runs.

Now since I knew Santa's delivery route ahead of time (being as old Alaskan trucker has it's advantages, dontcha know *wink*) I must admit that I started the Jolly Old Elf on the chilli beers at juuuuust the right time.

The right time so that the "burning runs from HELL" would hit when he was directly above a specific compound overlooking the shores of the vibrant Lake Lucille in Wasilla, Alaska on his yearly Christmas Eve rounds.

Guess what pressie he left for the ex-guv:

Santa Parties Hard in Oz! Can Christmas be Saved?

Guess what everybody? C'mon, GUESS!

tick

tock

tick

tock

...

Time's up.

Someone has finally accepted my standing invitation to visit! That young bloke from North Pole. Lives in a place called Santa Claus House. Nice digs too. Mrs Claus makes a mean cuppa, lemme tell ya.

Anyways, back when I was in Alaska I told Santa that he's more than welcome to come visit anytime. Perchance just before Christmas to give him a chance to unwind before the big night.

Well, he took me up on the offer this year.

I tell ya, it's a good thing I've been making extra homebrew for these holidays cus that guy sure can put them away.

See what I mean:




We were having a jolly ole time. Trading stories about the north and what not. When that guy gets a few into him ALL the dirt comes out about Rudolph, the other reindeer and all the elves.

I started to get a little bit concerned after a few hours as he showed no sign of letting up on the imbibing.




I was getting worried since it was only 2 pm and he'd gone through a case in only 2 hours.





Let the damn elves deliver the pressies to the brats this year!




How many chillis did you put in this beer?



By now I was getting very concerned for Santa's wellbeing. Perhaps the strain of his job finally got to him?




Remember to tell your kids that if Santa doesn't visit this year that it's NOT because they've been bad. It's because Santa has been bad!

Very bad...

Chilli Pepper Hallucinations

Yes, that good ole chemical capsaicin can have some rather odd effects upon critters of the mammalian persuasion who consume them. And of course you know that avian types don't have a problem with capsaicin so if you think you are a birdbrain then you should be able to eat all the chillis you want without feeling the heat!

Ahem.

And I'm sure you all are aware that chilli plants are self-pollinators. Can you imagine if people were self-pollinators?

Just think, all those hours a teenage guy spends in the bathroom could have more consequences than a musky odor and a red face! Not that I'm speaking from experience, mind you. It's, uh, just something I heard.

Quick dave, change the topic!

Oh, right. Hallucinations from consuming too much capsaicin laced homebrew.

One can see koalas wearing funny things whilst out bushwhacking --I mean bush walking.




Hmmmm, Santa sure don't look jolly in all the fur with a hat on in a 'stralian summer.

Too much capsaicin laced homebrew can also cause the imbibber to strike even stupider poses than usual. Bonus points will be awarded if you can figure out what's in the bottle floating near dave's crotch. And extra bonus points awarded if you can guess how much his cool, spiffy, new, white crocs cost.

Just

scroll

d
o
w
n

for

a

picture

of

a

bottle

floating

near

dave's

crotch.

That'sa Spicyea Beera!

Remember the post from a few days ago? The one where I was bottling beer and put a huge cayenne pepper in two of the bottles? Oh, you do remember! G'donya mates!

The brew was actually bottled a week ago, and this morning the bottles were clear! That means the secondary fermentation is done --warm weather speeds it along, dontcha know.

Naturally I just had to open one of them --I'll give the other one a few more days to "age" properly.

I sat down a few feet from Wifey-Poo. With an empty mug in one hand, and a 750 ml bottle of lager with a six inch cayenne pepper (poked full of holes) in the bottle.

I cracked the bottle.

Before I could even begin to pour the "beer" into the mug, WP stated she could smell the chilli already. Being the gentleman that I am, I offered her a quaff. She, being the lady she is, politely declined. I believe her exact words were, "Not a bloody chance in Hell!"

The first sip was pretty spicy. Couldn't smell the beer at all. Couldn't taste the beer at all. The spiciness seemed to creep all around my mouth and throat.

YT: Mmmmmm, this is good. I think I'll have another sip. Anyone want to join me?

WP: I know you and spicy food and if the sweat on your brow after one small sip is any indication of the potency of that firewater, then I shall pass.

YT: How about you Mike?

BIL: GET. A.WAY. FROM. ME. WITH. THAT. FILTH.

YT: Cool, more for me.

So I finished the first mug, no worries. As you read this I'm currently halfway through my second mug. Good stuff! I think all homebrewers should try this! Much much much spicier than that wussy stuff with a tiny chilli in it, that's for sure.

I'll make dinner simple tonight (snags and bacon rolls w/ onions, shrooms, and chillis) so my taste buds don't have to worry about getting back to life for a day or two.

Audience Participation Time!

Why is dave shoving this down his shorts?





The comment line is now open!

Oh, do you think it may have something to do with this?





Hey lookie! Even the locals think I'm loco!

Bonus question: Which one is the female?