New And Improved! Now With Even MORE Full Frontal Nudity!

I have just realised something. No, not THAT! Sheesh, y'all are disgusting!

I've realized that when I post funny things or funny pictures or stupid stories about me (don't swoon ladies, I'm human) I get a helluva lot more comments than when I post boring stuff.

Hmmmmm, this explains the popularity of silly reality shows as opposed to hard-hitting, factual news stuff.

Verdict: It's all about ENTERTAINMENT!

I've also noticed that not too many of you get my quickie, obscure puns and references to obscure stuff. But don't worry, I'll keep putting them in --an example is the "don't swoon" throwaway I use. Until someone. who is not an Aussie, can explain it then I'm gonna keep using it!

So there.

Harumph.

I started this here blog with the intent that each post would have a humourous story about my youth in Alaska, plus something to do with food.

Since then, I've hived off a food blog and the rest of the blog has taken several turns. Some of them drastic, some not. But I did give meself whiplash on one of the turns.

I guess it all comes back to keeping y'all (give yourselves a hand, just don't forget to shave your palm afterwards) entertained.

Apparantly, lately, asking for kapshuns for a photo just doesn't keep you entertained. Perhaps it's cus you have to jump start the ole unused brain cells? Or maybe you're too busy shaving your palms perhaps?

Either way, I'm disappointed. This pic




was an open invitation to you. Open season on dave! Perhaps he was being abducted by weird alien parrots. Maybe his private parts got caught in the pool filter. Or that this was his expression when he found out just how much a sunburned wang-doodle hurts.

Sheesh. And there I was thinking it was just too easy.

I've got similar pics of myself with the same expression, dontcha know.

Here's one of them:




*BREAKER BREAKER*

Been trying to get a pic where the double opposable thumbs of a koala are showing. Got one!




*BACK TO THE RAMBLINGS*

... and that's how I got stinking rich!

Which brings me back to photos.

Specifically ones of me showing full frontal nudity.

Ahem.




Please note that I was very careful to keep my wang-doodle from getting sunburned.






And I just can't resist putting this photo up ONE MORE TIME! Why? Well cuz it's the bestest ever official guvmint photo EVER!

Fresh & Easy Pumpkin Pie Recipe

And you all thought that all you need to do is open a can of pumpkin pie mix, pour it into a pre-baked, store-bought crust, and then stick it in the oven.

There really is a much easier way to make pumpkin pie!

You just let the pumpkin "do it's thing", and then Presto-Whammy you'll have fresh, delicious pumpkin pie!

Now before any of you think that I came up with this recipe all by me oneses, I have to tell you that I did not. In fact, I've blatently stolen this recipe from a very nice lady in Fairbanks who not only is in much better physical condition than I, but has a very creative sense of humour.

Actually, I think this recipe came from her hubby, but I could easily be wrong.

Here it is; easiest, freshest, pumpkin pie recipe!

J
u
s
t

s
c
r
o
l
l

d
o
w
n

a

w
e
e

b
i
t

f
u
r
t
h
e
r

f
o
r

a
l
l

t
h
e

i
n
s
t
r
u
c
t
i
o
n
s
!!!!!!!!










With special thanks to Titanium (or her hubby) for allowing me to steal this without getting too made at me, back atcha mates!

Flooding at Oodnadatta

What do you think happens when you have massive thunderstorms that dump over 3 inches of rain in an area that hasn't seen rain in a while?

Yup, you get a flood watch.

There's a flood watch for the Northeastern Pastoral District out past Oodnadatta.

Oodnadatta

Oodnadatta

Neat name, wouldn't want to live there though.

AUSTRALIAN GOVERNMENT - BUREAU OF METEOROLOGY
SOUTH AUSTRALIA REGIONAL OFFICE

FLOOD WATCH
For the Northeast Pastoral district east of Oodnadatta.
Issued at 11:50 am on Monday, 23 November 2009



Synoptic Situation:
A low pressure system is expected to develop in the far northeast of the state
during Tuesday and move to a position just northwest of Coober Pedy on
Wednesday, generating thunderstorms. An upper low in the far north near
Oodnadatta will remain near stationary over the next few days, with a band of
rain with local heavy falls wrapping around the low from the northeast, starting
in the far northeast corner today, north of Leigh Creek on Tuesday, north of
Broken Hill Wednesday and throughout east of Oodnadatta on Thursday, contracting
southeast and clearing later in the day.

Rainfall:
Observed: Falls over the south of the Northeast Pastoral of 30-90 mm have been
recorded over the last few days and local areas of flooding exist there.

Forecast: In the period until late Thursday falls of 50-70 mm northeast of
Moomba, 20-50 mm elsewhere east of Oodnadatta.

Flood Risk:
Significant falls have already occurred in the south of the Northeast Pastoral.
Expected rainfall may lead to further local flooding. In the north of the
Northeast Pastoral east of Oodnadatta, there has been less rain, but forecast
amounts may produce local flooding there.


For up to date information on weather forecasts and warnings, please refer to
the Bureau of Meteorology web site:
http://www.bom.gov.au/weather/sa/
More detail on current river height and rainfall information is available at
http://www.bom.gov.au/hydro/flood/sa/

Do You Find Me Emusing?

Normally I'm darned good (or bad) with puns. I can think of them as often as I drop my pants.

So how, I say HOW did I miss this?

Emu

Funny

Amusing

all become emusing!

Fortunately there is a nice lady in Squarebanks who likes fuzzy critters, puns (obviously) and is waaaay smarter than I --please direct all jokes about those last five words to the comments, ta.

The first thing you need to know when you are out looking for wild emus is how to tell if they like the particular field you are standing on.

Emus (like most wild critters) leave signposts so you can tell they have been around. The more signposts in a field, the more the emus like hanging around there.

I'm now doing my civic duty to educate all of you so you will know whether or not an emu has been in the field you are standing on. Instead of describing the signpost the emus leave, I'll just give you a picture of emu sign! Ain't I nice?



A picture is worth a thousand words



What kind of critter leaves signs like that? This kind:











They really are very pretty. Timid buggas too. Were we crouched behind some camouflaged doo-hickeys to get these closeups.

*Scene Break*

A TRUE conversation with Wifey-Poo!

YT: Wee, I've just posted my 1000th tweet!

WP: How did you get up to 1000?

YT: It's easy. Whenever anything silly or stupid comes to my mind I tweet it.

WP:...

WP: Are you sure it's only 1000? I'dve thought there'd be at least 100 times that.

YT: Well, yeah, it would be except I'm not always near the keyboard when I think of silly or stupid things. And by the time I get to the keyboard from the pool I usually have forgotten them.

WP: Yup, that'd be right.

Toot, Toot... TWEET!

Yes, yes. I know. Some of you sew-fis-tee-kay-ted readers are, quite obviously, expecting a treatise about a particular song from a particular film that Dick Van Dyke was in. And I'm sure you just assume I made a typo and that the last word of this post title should be *sweet* and not *tweet*.

However, I do feel you'll be disappointed as I'm not writing this post to cater to my sew-fis-tee-kay-ted readers. I am instead, of course, aiming this post to the more mundane type of reader.

This means that 99% of you won't get the joke, nor will you think it's phunny cuz it's not sew-fis-tee-kay-ted.

This has to do with my Twitter account --yes, I've heard all the jokes. Heck, I made up most of them!

For this particular waste of time, I blame AKM. She's the one who tweeted about the #altSarahPalinBookTitles and I just happened to see a few of the titles. I realised that I could come up with some good titles since many of you think/know that I am funny(looking).

So it's truly NOT MY FAULT that I didn't have time to make Planet Kokon for some particular unnamed individual.

Let me stress ONCE MORE: It. Is. Not. My. Fault! It is someone elses fault --ALWAYS!

Would you like to see how I wasted my time? Of course you would! I shall now give you my tweets from a couple of days ago.

AKdavedownunder "I'll Never Stop Makin' Things Up! *Wink*"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
10:55 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "My Cold, Black Heart Just Caused Hell to
Freeze Over" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
10:57 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "My Book to Nowhere"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:02 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Everything I Need to Know I Learned in
Junior High School" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:04 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How Not to Become Vice President"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:07 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Here's Where I Blame The Pajama-Clad
Bloggers for Everything That's Wrong in My Life" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:09 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Gotta Go, Putin's Head Just Reared *wink*"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:10 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Tawd! Fetch Me Muh Shotgun! I's Huntin'
Libruls" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:12 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "I Can See Dollar Signs From Here"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:13 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How To Fleece The Sheeple"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:15 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "My Little un-Read Book"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:17 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "I Told Lynn Vincent Not To Use Big Words"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:19 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Naughty Monkey Pumps Can Make You
Famous Like Me" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:20 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How To Properly Wear CFM Boots While
Pretending To Govern" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:21 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Does This Book Make Me Look Slutty?"
subtitle: I Sure Hope So! #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:24 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "ths bk is vry guud. pls by it, thx"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:28 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Momma Grisly Bear"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:30 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Infamy, Infamy! They've All Got It In Fo' Me!"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:32 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Waiter, I'd Like Some Cheese With My
Whine" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:36 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "In What Respect, Rupert?"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:41 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "True Stories of Alien Abduction"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:42 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How To Stay One Step Ahead of The IRS"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:43 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Brainwashing For Dummies"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:45 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "How to Quit Anything in Three Easy Steps"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:50 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Stupidity On The Iditarod Trail"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles with apologies to Dana Stabenow
11:55 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "I'm Baaaaaack!" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
11:58 AM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Sarah's Adventures in Kindergarten"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
12:03 PM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Little Red Lying Hood"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles
12:07 PM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Grim Fairy Tales" #altSarahPalinBookTitles
12:07 PM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Two Mules for Sister Sarah"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles Ok, I did around 30 an hour ago, I SWEAR this is
the last one.
2:01 PM Nov 18th from web


AKdavedownunder "Stuck in The Immoral Mudflats"
#altSarahPalinBookTitles I lied, just like an ex-gov who aborted her term
as guv of AK.
2:03 PM Nov 18th from web



I shall now not type anything for the next five minutes in order to give you time to clean up the coffee/tea/beer/wine/whiskey/everclear that has been spewed upon you keyboard and/or monitor.

tick



tock


Ok, 5 minutes is up!

I'm now going to ask all my sew-fis-tee-kay-ted and non-sew-fis-tee-kay-ted readers to come up with a caption for this next picture. The picture is of me. I shall not tell you what I was doing --at least not yet. Put on yer tinfoil thinkin' caps and give it a go, mates!





Seriously, if you can't come up with a good caption for that face then your mundane, boring, cubicle job has totally crushed and buried your thought processes! Dig yourself out! You can do it! Be free!!!!

Sorry, getting a little carried away. Note to self: try to cut back to only 3 pots of coffee in the morning.

BONUS

A conversation with WP! Remember, WP is Wifey-Poo also known as the most wonderful woman in the entire world (I hope she reads this). YT is Yours Truly --that'd be me, don't swoon ladies, I'm human.

*this took place this morning around 7 am in the back garden*

WP: Dear, last night you said you were going on a bike ride this morning.

YT: Yeah, but it looks like rain.

WP: And perhaps you've just cleaned the drivetrain and don't want it to get mucky?

YT: Uhhhh... Yeah! That's right! Don't wanna get the clean chain and gears dirty.

WP: I see.

...

WP: Any other reason why you aren't riding?

YT: Well, actually, yes.

WP: Do tell.

YT: I didn't want to get wet in the rain.

WP: Ah. Of course not dear. But it looks like the rain is approaching now.

YT: Oh crap!

*YT looks around frantically*

YT: Honey?

WP: Yes dear?

YT: Could you go inside and get me a dry towel? I'd better get out of the pool and dry off before the rain gets here. Don't wanna get wet, ya know?

*at this point WP walks away muttering something under her breath that our hero can't hear*

Springtime in Australia --UPDATED

Just think of the Johnny Horton song, Springtime in Alaska. But, sorta, kinda, like... OPPOSITE!







UPDATE

Just got this from the Aussie BOM (Bureau of Meteorology) site

Adelaide Forecast
Issued at 11:30 am CDT on Wednesday 18 November 2009

Warning Summary
SES Extreme Heat Watch for South Australia.


And just think, 2 more weeks till summer actually gets here! Weeeeeeeee!

Muh-muh-muh-muh My Tomatoes!

Ah yes, 'tis that time of the year again. What time would that be, dave? It'd be the time of year when I get to talk all about all the juicy, fresh, ripe, sweet, wonderful, organic tomatoes we grow each summer!

BTW, did any of you notice the title of this post? Some of you may remember a song called My Sharona from 1979. Some of you may not. Some of you might now have the annoying lyrics from that song stuck in you head.

I was going to put the Sharona lyrics up, and then my own lyrics centered around --take a guess-- My Tomatoes. But I decided not to.

Why?

Firstly, you all already know I'm funny (looking) so I don't need to prove it.

Secondly, My Sharona is actually about an older guy having the hots for, shall we say, younger women. Quite young. I, of course, am above such things!

Thirdly, it seems to be trendy now to rewrite song lyrics on blogs and I AM NOT A SHEEPLE!

Fourthly, I'm just too lazy after lounging around in the pool.

OT: I've promised on my Twitter account that I won't make fun of, or make any inappropriate jokes about the difference in temp betwixt my hometown in Alaska and where I am now. I'll just leave it at this: Fairbanks, AK is -22 F. Outside the window overlooking the pool right here the temp is +106 F. Just stating a fact, that's all. Nothing mean or malicious about that now is there?

Another OT: To Rebecca in NC, lemme know what kind of critter pics (koalas, parrots, roos, etc) you want for your screensaver, no worries --email is alaskandavedownunder(at)gmail(dot)com.

More OT: To some new friend/lurker/stalker in Maryland, USA who has visited over 150 times this past week: Hi!!!! Welcome to Oz and you're invited to join the fun! And thanks for visiting too! I hope I didn't embarrass you, sorry if I did. Don't worry, no one here bites.

Just some more OT: Regarding the previous post, yes that is the foot of an emu. Don't know what an emu is? Why don't you let "ma google" 'splain it to ya?

Back to My Tomatoes! Oh, wait. Gotta tell ya there will be pics of another momma and baby koala at the end of this post.

I planted 12 tomatoe (flashback to Danforth Quayle!!!!) plants this season while Wifey-Poo took pictures and High Royal Highness, Prince Bagheera helped by keeping the bricks warm. You'll get pics next time, but not today. Why not? Ummmm, haven't downloaded and looked at them yet (dang, a month can really fly).

Last year we did one cherry tomato truss and 6 Mighty Reds. Mighty Reds grow very well in Oz. Ended up with around 330 by the end of last season. This year we are hoping to get around 600 to 700 tomatoes!

Good thing WP and I like tomatoes, eh?

Growing tip: when planting your tomato plants, mix half potting mix with half dried cow poop. Top dress every 2 weeks with a bit of dry cow poop. You'll get LOTS and LOTS of fruit. Also, plant some basil. The two plants love to grow together.

We went with a medley of plants this year:

TomatoBerry -Never seen this one before. It'll grow to 2 metres and it produces tomatoes that are heartshaped and about the size of raspberries. This is a "pluck the fruit and plop in mouth" type. Should look like a Christmas tree. Should I decorate it?

Italian Tomato -Not your standard Roma. Full bodied, very sweet and juicy.

Beef Steak Tomato -Late maturing with globular fruit. Very good for sauces.

Sweet Bite Cherry (x2) -Should get over 100 sweet cherry truss tomatoes from each plant.

Large Cherry -About golfball sized fruit, very sweet.

Apollo Improved -Supposedly disease resistant, large globes, firm and great for grilling.

Black Russian -I'm so looking forward to this! Traditional, meaty tomato with a strong flavour. And it should look really cool too.

Health Kick -This is a new roma type tomato with 50% more lycopene than a regular tomato. Mmmmmmmm, lycopene... drool...

Reggae Roma -Early maturing, sweeter than a regular Roma, and very prolific.

Cherry Red Truss -Could easily get 150 cherry tomatoes off this one alone!

Yellow Tomato -This one needs side pruning. Low acid, very sweet and a neat colour. Should get 2 metres tall.


Well, thanks for putting up with reading about Muh-muh-muh-muh Myyyyyyy Tomatoes. As a reward (gee, just like you'd train a dog, eh?) here's some pics from Belair National Park. BNP is the oldest nat park in Oz, btw.

Do I even need to tell you what kind of bird this is?
Yes, it's a kookaburra.



Saw another momma and baby. This "baby" is just about ready to go out on his own now.



And just so you know which is which...




Don't forget, coming soon to this blog: Full Frontal Nudity with Yours-Truly! Hmmmm, I wonder if I'll get paid as much as Levi?

It's More Fun When We Share

Yes, isn't it great when we all get along and help each other? Sigh.... Blissful harmonics playing betwixt my ears...

So, as you can surmise, I, quite obviously, need your help, of course.

*opps, attack of the superflous commas, please excuse*

So, like, what do I need your help with, you might ask? I need your help with two things.

The first, being before the second, is help with deciding what the title of my next blog post should be. Or not to be. Either or neither, no worries mates!

Here are your two choices --oh, just please keep in mind (yours, not mine) that the second place finishing title will be used in a post subsequent to the winning title, which will, of course, be used first.

Ahem.

Here's the query (as best I can frase it): Should the title of the next blog post from Yours Truly (That'd be me. Don't swoon ladies, I'm human) be

Mu-mu-mu-mu-mu-MY Tomatoes

or should the next post be titled thusly:

And Now With Even More Full Frontal Nudity

As I'm sure my more astute readers will surmise, the pictures for one post will be just, shall we say, slightly different from the pictures used in the other post. Keep in mind the way my mind works and then you may, perhaps, have an idea of the type of pictures I will be posting. Then again, maybe not.

So, what's it gonna be: Tomatoes or Full Frontal Nudity?

Whilst you are pondering your decision of whether or not you will vote and if so, then what your vote will be, how's about a quiz?

This involves a critter.

Specifically the foot of a critter.

It's easy. I give you a picture of a foot of a critter, and you guess what it is! Simple as cake! Piece of pie!

Put on your thinking caps (Aussies have to wait at least 2 days before guessing so that the Northern Hemisphere Heathens have a chance) and give it a go mates!




On your marx, git sit, and GO!

I Am In Serious Need Of HELP!

Yes, I finally do admit it. I need help. I'm sure that all my regular readers will have figured this out yonks ago, but I thought it is time to make it official!

HELP!!!!!

Normally (HA!) when I put up pics of critters for you to identify I already know what the critter is. Cuz I'm all smart like that.

But not this time. And I don't have time to wade through tomes of information to identify these critters. Why? Cus I'm in the middle of turning into a big, tanned prune (a highly chlorinated one at that) and I don't want to interrupt the process.

So I'm asking for YOUR help!

3 of these flying critters showed up in the backyard yesterday and I haven't seen them since.



Now, obviously they are some kind of pigeon or dove. And, of course, they appear to be of a domestic variety.

The problem is they aren't listed in any of my Aussie bird books (yes, they list imports too) as to the exact variety. So I was really hoping that some of my readers might get together and shine so light on the subject!

Kinda like this:

Just imagine some angels singing.

And if y'all can identify the exact type I will be forever grateful! And I promise to stop mooning the camera!

Hmmmmm, better get the mooning out of my system now...

A
r
e

y
o
u

r
e
a
d
y

f
o
r

a

m
o
o
n
i
n
g

f
r
o
m

a

f
a
t

f
u
r
r
y

b
e
a
s
t
l
y

b
u
t
t
?

If you've made it this far then you obviously are!

There's A Fine Line Betwixt Genius And Crazy

And I sometimes find myself with one foot firmly planted on the genius side, while the other foot tap dances on the crazy side.

Here's some examples.

Genius: Moving from a very cold climate (where I punched a clock), to a much warmer climate (where I'm not punching a clock.

Crazy: Living in a place where the temperature is triple digits in the shade while it's still spring.

Genius: Having a pool to jump into in order to cool off.

Crazy: Living in a place that measures rainfall in tenths of millimetres. That's 1/254 of an inch, btw. Much time can pass without any measurable rainfall.

See??? I'm sure you can think of your own examples pertaining to pretty much anything. Give it a go!

I'll now give you some visual examples. The first will be Genius --that'd be me, and the second will be crazy --that'd NOT be me.

What does a genius do when it's 103 F in the shade and 136 F in the sun?

The genius lounges in the pool with a water temp of 81 F!

What does a crazy do when it's 103 F in the shade and 136 F in the sun?



I swear to you that the bricks are too hot to walk on in bare feet. I truly have no idea how (or why) a black furry cat does this. My vote: CRAZY!


Here's where YOU get to be clever and witty! This next picture was not planned, it just happened. I have several awesome ideas (naturally since I'm a genius) for captions and stories for this pic. But I want to read yours! Be as silly or gruesome as you'd like, no worries.

Ready?

Really ready?

Really really REALLY ready?






Go for it! How funny can you be?