The Oracle Sarah Palin Speaks!

Hey now! Don't shoot the messenger, I'm only repeating what I heard the Great and Powerful Oz say this morning.

Oops, I mean the wanna be grate and non powerful Sarah Palin say. You Betcha! Gosh Darnit!

Aaaaaaaaannnnnnnd Heeeeeerrrrrrreeeeeeee she is:


Ain't she sweet? Let's all give her a hand and a lollipop!

A Great, Big Sarah Palin Shout Out to Ishmael

Or this coulda been titled "Here's Lookin' at you, Ish."

See, for some reason, Fishmeal at ADQ, thinks the rainbow lorikeets have it in for him. So, I've decided to put up some BENIGN pics of some little, cute, harmless, lories just having their brekkie.

But before I get to that, let me tell you that you've still got time to enter the Sarah Palin Caption Contest. So go to the comments on that post and get SNARKY!




See Ish, aren't I cute?


Barnum and Bailey don't gots nothin' on me!


Mmmmmmm, this one tastes like fISH!


Jus' practicin' muh evil aye!


Now that the poor persecuted rainbow lorikeets have had their say... here's mine:

There will be no sarcasm or humor spewing forthwith from this blog today. Why? Well, it's 26 C in the shade right now, and 42 C in the sun. I've already had my swim in the pool (as the water temp was warmer than the air temp at 7:00 am this morning) and I've decided to take this wonderful spring day off and go hide in the woods... with a book... and a big ole sub sandwich... and a pillow... and a blanket in case it gets cold.

Cheers all!

For the mathematically challenged (drunken blogger) bloke on ADQ, 26 C is 79 F, and 42 C is 108 F.

Sarah Palin Sends Locust Plague To Shut Down Aussie Blogger!

The demonic powers of this creature knows no bounds! Well, she probably "knows" Tucker's bounds...

Just look at some of these headlines from around Oz this spring:

Defence Force uses insect radar to fight locusts

Northern Vic bracing for locust plague

And here's the adorable little critter:




















All I can say is that it's a darned good thing that geography is not her strong suit (does she have one?) cus she sent the plague to SouthEAST Australia (a geographic region) and NOT South Australia which (as everyone knows) is a State in Australia.

However, she has tried to rectify (does she know that word? I wonder what she thinks RECTIFY means...) the situation cus last night on the news they said if the prevailing winds shift then we'll be getting some of the locusts.

Help! It's the end of times! Gotta git prepared to be Raptured!

BTW, the caption contest is still on! I refuse to let a trifling locust plague stop me! Bwahahahahahahahhahahahhahah!

Sarah Palin Caption Contest

Yes, that's right. Y'all gits to be jus' as funny as me, you BETCHA!

All ya need to do to enter is just type your caption in the comment section, no worries. Now, I only expect 4 or 5 entries, so I'll give the first 5 entries that I think are funny (I have a warped sense of humor, BTW) their choice of parrot wallpaper or parrot screensaver.

Yes Ish, you can enter.

Cathy, you too can enter. But I'd really appreciate it if you could tell me whether you want a screensaver or wallpaper from the last contest, ta.

Now, I've got my caption ready but I ain't tellin' ya! I will say, however, it's a quote from the most popular book ever written that was NOT written by a committee. That should keep ya guessin'.

Aaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnd here's the pic:


To quote General Kleitus, "You have until the sands... run up."

Sarah Palin Moons the Press Corps!

Oct. 12, 2008 (Reuters) In a stunning move today designed to "open herself up to the press", VP candidate Sarah Palin mooned the entire press entourage that, for some unknown reason, blindly follows her around.

The stunned press corps had no time to take official pictures of the ground-breaking and cheeky event as they were too busy picking their collectives tongues up off the floor.

Here's some reactions from folks around the world:

Tucker Bounds: "Ha! I'd like to see Joe Biden try that!" Tucker then quickly retreated back into the closet.

Hillary Clinton: "Damn, I wish I'dve thought of that."

Sean Hannity: "Now THAT'S Leadership!"

Cindy McCain: "Fat ass, not phat ass."

Tawd Palin: "Which way did Walt go?"

Joe Biden: *We regret to inform you that we cannot print Senator Biden's comment as we would have ran out of ink*

Rush Limbaugh: *died with a smile on his face and a stain on the front of his trousers*

John McCain: "Duh, uh... Yeah! Uh, duh... hu hu."

Bill Clinton: *no quote from him is available as he is still locked in his bathroom with sounds of heavy panting emanating from within*

Dubya: "Now who's this new trollup Johnny's hanging around with THIS time?"

Nancy Pelosi: "Impeachment is off the table!"

Dick Cheney: "Excellant, Smithers. Excellant."

Tina Fey: "Just wait till next week's SNL! Skin baby! MAJOR skin!"

Nancy Reagun: *No response from Nancy as twin laser beams of death shot out from her eyes and fried the reporter.*

Michelle Obama: "Hillary and I could take this act on the road!"

Local Palin supporter: "Gosh dang! This is du happiest day of miy life! This is even better than when I married both muh cuzzins!"

Barack Obama: "That ain't no economy!"

Sarah Palin: "Ah don' see wut the problem izz... Y'all wuz jus' complainin' that Ah don' make mayself available to y'all. TAAAAWWWDDD! Git on down here an' deal with these pesky probems o mine!"

UPDATE: We've just found a photo of "The Mooning" from an obscure Aussie photographer. A dramatic picture of the event as it occurred! We've also just received news that this photographer has been awarded a Pulitzer prize for this breath-taking photo. No news yet about the rumor that the official moto of Australia will be changed from "G'day, mate! Wanna beer?" to "You Betcha!"

And here's the dramatic photo:


The local photographer prefers to remain anonymous, but he also sent this blurry photo of Sarah Palin's bodyguard rushing in:



Update! We've just received a photo from the event of a bewildered Tucker Bounds:

Sarah Palin Overnighted In My Pool!

Oh the HORRORS!! You just can't imagine the heebie-jeebies I got this morning when I found out that Sarah Palin had spent the night in my pool! AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!! Quick, where's the disinfectant? Gotta get extra chlorine in the filters! Better drain it to make sure!

Ok, calm down...

calm...

down...

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Of course I had to go inside and grab the camera; some things just have to be documented! Here we go: Sarah Palin swimming around in my pool!

Hmmmmmm, good thing the undead don't need to breathe, eh?

Maybe she was chasing this:


I tell ya, it's a darned good thing I skim the pool before having a swim in the mornin', you betcha!

She then transformed into one of her more familiar guises that I see down here in the backyard. She did, however, at least have the decency(!) to be embarrassed about the whole episode:

Hmmmmm, some quote about crocodile tears comes to mind...

Or maybe there was a reporter nearby?




New topic!

It's bloody well COLD down here today! This morning when I got up to feed the birds (lousy buggers, waking me up at 5:00 am on a Saturday) and to let the panther out for his dawn patrol, I noticed that it was COLD!

How cold was it, dave?

How does 19 degrees sound? Yep, COLD is how it sounds! Even now in the middle of the day it's only up to 29 in the shade. The pool is hanging out at an arctic-like 24. Even the direct sun has only warmed the pool patio (where the frozen tomato(e) plants are) up to 48.

Horrid!

How are folks even supposed to live in these conditions?

It's a good thing them weather prognisticator blokettes are sayin' it's gonna warm up this arvo to 33 in the shade. That way the ice will melt off'n that thar pool!

And look at this! One of the poor sunflowers froze and shriveled up while opening:

Poor thing.


Oh, wait a sec. Hang about...
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Ha, ha, SILLY me! Had the darned thermostatomometers set for celsius! Oops.

Here, this'll help y'all out: F=((9/5)*C)+32

A Rootin' An A Tootin'

So just what the heck does that title mean? It means I'll be getting back to my roots. Yes, I shall go bury myself in the ground and we'll see what sprouts! No, actually it means I'm "officially" off the Sarah Palin Red Hot Naked Pics.

Nope, never again will I make mention of Sarah Palin showing her armpits, or Sarah Palin kissing Tina Fey, or any reference to a Sarah Palin college kegger that may or may not have taken place. Nope, not me! Why? Because it's just too darned EASY!

I'll be going back to posting really cool pics from Oz, and really cool bird pics from Oz. Heck, you'll even get some pool talk and some pool pics! Gosh, ain't y'all happy now? There's even talk of a possibility of a return to Story Time With Unkie Dave (of course that'll have to wait till I make up some crap --oops, I mean remember stories from my youth in Alaska).

In the meantime, here's a couple of pics of some spring flowers down here, and then there'll be a rainbow lorikeet pic (with bonus humor).

Yup, the flowering vines are flowering. Please note the almond tree in the background.


The thing I like about hydrangeas is that the flowers last for 2 or 3 months!


And the war of words betwixt the Poms and the Crims continues...


And just as an update for y'all waaaaaaay up north, I'd just like to say it was a frigid 68 F this morning in the shade which was colder than the pool! Fortunately, it's already way warmer than that now in the shade and about 110 F in the sun. Spring might finally be here! Time to clean the pool out from all the duck detritus so I can lounge around in it (the pool, not the duck detritus) this afternoon when it warms up.

Ahhhhhhhh....

Sarah Palin Hates Me!

Yes, sadly it is true... My former girlfriend Sarah Palin now officially hates me! I'm so despondent... I may have to go throw myself in the pool...

Here, have a looksie at the mean, nasty, ugly look she just gave me:


And then, she even sent her godless commie russian bodyguard down to give me a beatdown! Fortunately I was able to run away but not before I got this shot as he tried to beat me with his wings:


Since I had escaped relatively unscathed, she then shot me a really venomous glare! If looks could kill then I'dve been a wee little pile of ashes she could then poop on:


Naturally I retreated into the house to get help! Fortunately I have just the beast to combat a mean, cruel, nasty, vindictive Sarah Palin!

Behold! His High and Royal Mighty Highness, Prince Bagheera! Lord and Master of All He Surveys!


And here's why I'm not worried about Sarah Palin being pissed at me:

Please note, he can break the bones of your hand with them chompers!

Ha! Bring it on Sarah, bring it ON!

Totally off topic:

Well, it was a frighteningly COLD 78 F in the shade today. Got up to 110 F in the sun so I didn't feel the need to put pants on. Thought about putting on a flannel shirt to combat all the icycles forming on my goosebumps.

Fortunately, the weather is supposed to "break" tomorrow and we'll have springtime temps of around 90 F in the shade for a couple of days. WHEW! I was gettin' worried that this cold winter might linger for a while...

Sarah Palin Viciously Attacking a Lorikeet

Is there nothing too low for this gal? Swooping down and attacking a poor, little, unsuspecting rainbow lorikeet!

Hmmmm, doesn't she hate rainbows? Maybe she doesn't like skittles?

Her big, burly white commie russian bodyguard looks on and cheers even!

And then there's Todd standing keeping an eye on two little defenseless rainbow lorikeets that wanted to come to the aid of their friend.

Sick, I tells ya! SICK!

Don't scroll down to see the picture of the carnage if you have a weak stomach.
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Warning, gore ahead!
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Ok, here it is, but don't say I didn't warn you...
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What a big bully! Picking on that little bird like that. Harumph!

One Billion Happy Little Vegemite Jars

Wow! Can you believe the news? 1,000,000,000 jars of vegemite have now rolled off the assembly line. Folks, that's a LOT of B vitamins! 

But wait, I can hear you say, "What's vegemite?"

My answer: I'll send you a google :)

Seriously, just do your due diligence.

And just what does the f(ph)rase, "Happy Little Vegemite" have to do with anything? I'd suggest going to google to figure that one out.

We are happy little Vegemites as bright as bright can be,

We all enjoy our Vegemite for breakfast, lunch and tea,

Our mummy says we're growing stronger every single week,

Because we love our Vegemite,
We all adore our Vegemite,

It puts a rose in every cheek!

*I just used blobbers (owned by google) spell-checker... They don't know vegemite!*

I could spout off random blabberings extolling the virtues of vegemite, but I'm not going to. Why? Cus those of you who hate it won't change your minds no matter what I say, I'd be preaching to the choir to those of you who love the stuff, and if you are indifferent to vegemite then you probably don't have access to it.

Wait a sec... I WILL try to convert the heathen scum who hate vegemite!

See, you're not supposed to slather the stuff on your toast or crackers like peanut butter of nutella. YOU ARE ONLY TO USE SMALL AMOUNTS!!!! If you do that, it'll taste great.

We are happy little Vegemites as bright as bright can be,

We all enjoy our Vegemite for breakfast, lunch and tea,

Our mummy says we're growing stronger every single week,

Because we love our Vegemite,
We all adore our Vegemite,

It puts a rose in every cheek!

Vegemite also goes very very very well with butter on toast. In fact, our jar of vegemite has butter streaks in it cus we use the same knife for both. This also means that our butter has brown streaks in it... Yes, I'm disgusting, thankyouverymuch.

Oh, alright. Sigh. I'll give you a link:

Vegemite History

And look! Here's an excerpt:

What is Vegemite?

Vegemite is considered as much a part of Australia's heritage as kangaroos and the Holden cars. It is actually an Australian obsession that has become a unique and loved symbol of the Australian nation.

A Vegemite sandwich to an Australian kid is the equivalent of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to an American kid - but the taste is QUITE different!

Vegemite is one of several yeast extract spreads sold in Australia. It is made from leftover brewers' yeast extract (a by-product of beer manufacture) and various vegetable and spice additives. It is very dark reddish-brown, almost black, in color, and one of the richest sources known of Vitamin B. It's thick like peanut butter, it's very salty, and it tastes like - well let's just say that it is an acquired taste!

Australian children are brought up on Vegemite from the time they're babies. It is said that Australians are known to travel all over the world with at least one small jar of Vegemite in their luggage, for fear that they will not be able to find it.

And I just couldn't resist reposting this blokes comment:

Your explanation is mostly fine, but some of us like a fair coating of the stuff, not just a scrape. I'll eat it out of the jar! But one of the most useful tips to give any cook, is how it can save an anemic gravy: When a gravy lacks colour or flavour, a quarter to a half teaspoon or so always saves the day. Young-uns often wonder why my gravy is always so good; and if they're nice, I let them in on the secret that my Grandma told me. Funny to think my family has used a product since it was invented. Thanks for the history lesson, and try Vegemite in your gravy, you'll love it!

You might like to know that when the company sold overseas, it was cause for national concern...everybody was outraged, and worried that "the Yanks would stuff-it-up". People were ringing radio stations calling for the government to stop the sale. Private citizens were trying to raise funds to make a counter offer...you wouldn't believe the furor it created.

Another favourite use of my Mum's, when she felt run-down, was vegemite 'soup'; just a teaspoon of vegemite in boiling water. I used to like thinly sliced raw cabbage, garlic and vegemite sandwiches. (Sounds terrible, but very healthy and yummy.) Every kid in Australia ate Vegemite on SAO biscuits; often with tomato, and, or cheese. This combo is particularly yummy grilled as an open sandwich with Kraft sliced cheese, (the way it bubbles up and browns-off...yum!)

I'm an easy going old bloke, and I have a young lodger who gets away with murder because I "don't give a rats" about money or anything - you could hit me with a cricket bat and I'd blink at you, LOL - anyway, he used the last of the Vegemite the other month...God he was lucky I didn't rip his head off, LOL. Now I keep an emergency jar hidden away for myself, just in case.

Growing-up, only 'pommies and wankers' ate marmite; I still haven't tasted it (excuse the language.) We all agreed the best pies were "Sergeants pies", though we'd eat "Four and Twenty" if that was all we could get. People argued about Ford and Holden; and we're still arguing about which code of football is best...but apart from cricket, vegemite is one of the great unifying forces - no matter your politics or standing in life, we all love our Vegemite.

What ever you do, don't muck with the recipe too much, or you can forget about being allies. LOL.

NB. It was a national tragedy the day that Sergeants stopped baking pies. People went around buying-up the last run, and freezing them. It was very sad I remember; we mourned their passing for years, quite literally. The new ones are ok, but not a patch on the original. (Aussies used to have them flown overseas when touring.) It's the highest praise for a pie to say it's almost as good as a Sergeants.

Back to the show --cus it must go on.

How do I eat vegemite? Well, my MIL needs to have the crusts trimmed off of her toast (from my homemade bread that I make every other day and she will eat no other!) so there's always these toasted crusts left on the counter next to the vegemite jar. It was a pretty simple idea (from yours truly) to use the crusts as scoops in the vegemite jar. Mmmmmmm, adds to the flavor of the 4 day old warehouse coffee... Oops, didn't need that stomach anyways!

We are happy little Vegemites as bright as bright can be,

We all enjoy our Vegemite for breakfast, lunch and tea,

Our mummy says we're growing stronger every single week,

Because we love our Vegemite,
We all adore our Vegemite,

It puts a rose in every cheek!

Now onto the real reason why y'all visit my wee little corner of the blogosphere: NAKED SARAH PALIN PICTURES!


Trig! Where are you? Trig, are ya down here?

Hmmmm, I think someone is getting upset...


Is Sarah Palin giving me the cold shoulder? Tune in next time to find out if Sarah and I make up or if she pecks my eyeballs out and attacks my cat!