Sarah Palin's Bodyguard Attacks Photographer

I'd heard a rumour that Sarah Palin was really really pissed at Tina Fey! Now, this could come to blows as Sarah Palin was known to rat out her own teammates in High School, so I, being an intrepid paparazzi photo-journalist, just had to stalk her to get some pics of a Sarah Palin vs Tina Fey catfight!

Ha! How's that for a lead-in? Heck, I didn't have to go to 5 colleges to get MY photo journalism degree! Well, does ten years at one university count?

Ahem

I carefully stalked my prey... And then I found Sarah Palin and her husband, Todd Palin, in a conference. Could they be discussing State Business perhaps?

I slithered closer...

Then I overheard:

SP: That damn bitch Tina Fey!

TP: What's wrong honey? Would you like another foot massage?

SP: Damnit! She does a better "Sarah Palin" than I do!

TP: Yes, dear. Whatever you say.

SP: I HATE Tina Fey!

TP: I've just finished cleaning and oiling your hunting rifles.

SP: Oh, that's thoughtful dear. *pats TP on head*

SP: Aha! I know! I'll do an impression of Tina Fey "doing" Sarah Palin!

TP: Oh that's a another great idea of yours.

SP: Yes, I know. *smug grin* Now run along and play with your emails and the document shredder.

TP: Yes dear. Why did I marry her? Oh, right, I knocked her up... damn.

SP: TIME TO PRACTICE MY AIR GUITAR, BEYOTCH!!!!

By this time I was in the perfect position to take a picture of a NAKED SARAH PALIN as she practices her air guitar for her Tina Fey impression. Please note her husband is a dutiful two paces behind her.

Look at me! I can play air guitar better than Tina Fey!


All of a sudden, her GODLESS COMMIE RUSSIAN BODYGUARD that she befriended last episode rose up and demanded my camera!

Give me the camera and I'll only cripple you!


Then he charged me! Fortunately for me his pockets were filled with oil money which slowed down his charge and allowed me to escape.



I was lucky to escape with my camera and my life! Whew! The things I do for my fans...