Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Grossest Smell EVER!

Yes, I've left you hanging on the edge of your seats in antici..... PAtion of just what is so gross.

But before I get to that, how's about a parrot picture and two koala pictures so the squeemish folks can look at the pics and then scram?

Here's 3 long-billed corella cockatoos:
3 long billed corella cockatoos

Hey, don't laugh! You know what they say about a bloke with a big beak!





Next up is two shots of a koala. This bloke was really haming it up for the camera too. About twenty feet up, and actually awake! See, there's a particular trail in Belair that I know that every single time I've been on it for the last 4 years has had koalas. So if you are ever down here and want to see a wild koala, just look me up.
stretching koala

koala napping in the sun


And before I forget, here's this weeks great tomato count:

89 harvested + 219 on vines = 308 total tomatoes so far.

Anybody remember Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory? Well how about Charlie and The Chocolate Factory? Remember what happened to Violet Beauregarde? I'll let you know if I start to turn red, swell up, and get really juicy and flavourful, no worries.

Ok, all the squeemish people can leave now.

Oh, before you think that I'm a wuss, I've cleaned many fish, seen many old, smelly, picked-over salmon carcasses on the beach, and had the fun of cleaning out many bilges on boats. And clean craploads of stinky litter boxes. And I eat fermented cabbage and I've even tasted stinky fish heads. Oh, and muktuk is good.


This total gross smell occurred last year in late January. Now as some of you may be aware, that's the middle of our summer. It can get rather hot. It's not hot yet as today it's only 86 in the shade and 107 in the sun and 80 in the pool. But don't worry, I can handle these cold temps, no worries.

Anyways, last year by the end of January it was a bit hot. Now, if it's 100 F in the SHADE for a few days on end, what do you think the temp in the inside of a car will be? Warm, very very warm.

Well one day on the way back from Westfield Marion (2nd or 3rd largest shopping mall in the Southern Hemisphere, but don't worry, they're expanding!) after a particularly hot day, I noticed and odd odour from inside the car. Like something was rotting...

My first thought was that maybe we'd left a bag of trash from our latest outing at Belair in the car (pack out your own trash). I was right! But it didn't seem to acount for the rotten smell.

Nevertheless, I dutifully cleaned out the entire interior, vacuumed the carpets, and sprayed disinfectant all over the carpets.

A few hot days later the smell was worse.

Much worse.

Really ripe.

Perhaps it's something in the trunk...

WOOOO-WEEEEE! Yup, definitely from the trunk! Gack! I almost gagged when I opened it.

Ok, lemme have a look around... oil, coolant, folding chairs, folding table, tools, spare tire... Hmmmm, what's in this plastic bag shoved down in a corner...

BLLLAAAAAAAARRGGGG!!!!

OMG!!!

I grabbed the offending bag, dumped it in the trash bin (never to be opened till after collection day!) and then proceeded to puke my guts out for five minutes at the base of one of the palm trees by the carport.

I still get nauseous just thinking about the stench...

Bad.

Seriously, BAD!

I'd never smelled anything so disgusting in my entire life (keep in mind I used to work in fast food a few summers during my early college years).

I know, I know. You are on the edge of your seat wanting to know what the smell was. Right? RIGHT? I'll tell you. Just make sure you have a bucket handy...

About a month previous WP and I had been grocery shopping. One of the many things we bought was a chook (that's a chicken). It was raw and thawed. We had quite a few others bags of groceries all loaded up in the trunk. When we got home and started unpacking the bags we realized there was no chook.

I checked the trunk TWICE for the bird. Couldn't find it. We figured it was left at the checkout. Darn. Ok, someone got a free bird. We considered it a holiday charity gift to someone.

The bag with the raw chook had gotten wedged down in a recess in the trunk behind the right rear wheel. And there it sat...

a
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a
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d

s
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d

i
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HEAT!

For over a month...

So, now you know what I consider to be the grossest thing ever: the smell of a rotting chook in a sealed plastic bag after sitting in the trunk of a car for over a month in 100 F temps.

I hope I didn't spoil your appetite.

Now if you don't mind I need to go work on dinner. We are having chicken...

9 comments:

Ishmael said...

No pictures of the carnage?

I guess we should thank you for that.

Did it really make you hurl?

It reminds me of that episode of Mythbusters where they let two hogs decay in a sealed Corvette to see if it's possible to clean a car well enough after that to make it sellable (they did, but the buyer said it was only for parts).

Fizzgig said...

koalas? almost the cutest thing ever. In the running for the top! Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww......

car chicken is nasty, I've been unlucky enough to have this phantom stench in my old car!!!

Marie said...

Fermented chicken, eh? Could be a serious bit of competition for the Swedish "delicacy" surströmming - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcnfEVqNdoA

Alaskan Dave Down Under said...

Ish: I've smelled bad stuff before, but this was by far the worst. Yes, I hurled. Puked up a boatload of stomach bile and then dry-heaved for 5 more mins. I didn't eat dinner that night.

Fizzysodapop: Koalas have the cuteness market cornered! The rotten meat smell wasn't too hard to get out since it was in the trunk; just replace the rug on the bottom of the trunk and scrub out and disinfect the metal.

Marie: I WISH it was fermented! I've had fermented meats before and they can be tasty. This, however, was not fermented; it was totally rotten. A good friend of mine from Fairbanks was 25% yupik, 50% danish, and 25% caucasion. He had his danish grandmother's recipe for stinky fish which was AWESOME!

Deirdre Helfferich said...

Chicken can smell pretty skanky after only a day or two in a bucket at room temperature (don't ask--one of my more embarrassing kitchen moments), but after a month? in the heat? I am imagining a mobile mass of bacteria in vaguely chicken-part-shaped form....uck.

Paige Jennifer said...

Last night, I somehow landed on QVC and they were selling perfume. And I thought, how the heck can you sell something fragrant through the television? Meanwhile, the "sold" ticker was climbing and climbing, well above seven thousand units already spoken for.

This story is proof you can relay smell without having the aroma emitting item in front of you.

Yes, I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Alaskan Dave Down Under said...

Marie: After looking at a boatload of surströmming youtube vids, and doing some actual *gasp* research, I've come to the conclusion that I'd like it. Provided that it's eaten properly with all the accompaniments like the Swedes do. Also, the four chemicals produced from the fermentation aren't that stinky, most folks just aren't used to combination. Hydrogen Sulfide smell doesn't bother me at all. That being said... the IDIOTS who ate it without anything are just that: IDIOTS. Kinda like someone eating spoonfuls of vegemite without ever trying it or knowing what you are supposed to do with it.

Deirdre: You REALLY need to write the story of your soaked chook up. As far as actually seeing the thing... No. A tenth of a second of the stench from the bag was enough for me to grab the bag and chuck it in the bin. I didn't look. If I did, I'd probably still be puking.

Paige: This story is proof you can relay smell without having the aroma emitting item in front of you.
Glad to be of service! :) I was considering writing a bit more about my vomiting, but I figured y'all'd get the idea.

Yes, I just threw up a little in my mouth.
I still get quesy thinking about it.

Alaska Steve said...

Niiiiiiiice . . . worth the wait!

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