Boris...

Boris the spider
Boris the spider
Creepy, crawly
Creepy, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly
Creepy, creepy, crawly, crawly

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet...

Gee, can anyone think of just what the subject of this post might be?

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Yes, I liked that movie. Can you tell?

So, little creepy things. You've all heard that Australia has some really mean, nasty, venomous, vile, disgusting spiders? Heck, and Sarah Palin hasn't even visited yet! It'll get even worse if she does!

Don't worry, there'll be birdy pics today. Well, at least a pic of a spider eating a bird...

One thing you may not know is that the common Aussie "Daddy-Long-Legs" is one of the most poisonous critters around. However, their fangs are so small and so soft that they can't break human skin.

And that's a good thing since they are more poisonous than a funnel web spider which WILL kill you if it bites you.

At our old place, we had a lot of daddy-long-legs in the corners. No worries, they kept the mossie population down. I saw a garden spider in the laundry room one time. A daddy-long-legs approached it, reached out with one leg, and touched it. The garden spider INSTANTLY fell to the ground (actually, the cat's litter box) and curled up dead. Ummmmmm, I was impressed...

Golden Orb spiders are cool. They spin fantastic webs each night and take them in each morning. They can also get fairly, ah, um, er, sizable. The following pics were taken up in the far north tropics. No, the bird didn't suffer. The golden orb venom works pretty darned fast. These are not my pics, they were taken by a spider curator type bloke.

I imagine this spider didn't have to eat for a month after this...






We have a little spider that lives under the lampshade in the back hallway. There's the tiniest fluoro bulb in there that pretty much has to stay on cus mum-in-law uses that hallway to get from her wing on out to the rest of the house. I don't think the spider has ever seen darkness!

Anyways, it's right next to a screen door that mossies and other bugs like to fly through. Needless to say, he's well fed. And here he is:


He's about half the size of my pinky fingernail, and keeps the bugs out. He's cool.

There are, however, some spiders that aren't so cool to have in the house. They would be huntsman spiders. At our old place a huntsman got in to the house and 3 days later we had no daddy-long-legs. Hmmmmm, nasty blokes.

They can get fairly sizable, here's proof:






When Wifey-Poo was a wee little tyke, her and her brother used to splat the huntsman spiders off the wall with a basketball. Later on they progressed to shooting them with a BB gun.

Yeah, they can get big.

They aren't poisonous.

They aren't aggressive (unless it's a sheila with an egg sac).

But their bites can turn septic very easily (bacteria on the fangs).

If they come into our house, they die.

Spider killing spray.

It works.

Most of the time...

***************************************************************************
Oh, about a year ago I had an interesting run-in with one of the buggers. I was in the car, driving on a 3 lane highway. A huntsman crawls out from above the visor and walks across the roof. 2 inches above my head.

Yeah, that was fun. I'm very glad I'm a good driver.

The spider died.

I didn't create a road accident.

But I'm glad I always keep a spare pair of underwear in the glovebox.
***************************************************************************

Getting back to the spider that didn't die...

I was getting dressed to go to my chiro appointment. I was in the bedroom. I noticed this in the curtain:


And it quickly became this:


After it got a massive blast of spider killer, it then looked like this:

Oh, why look. There's her egg sac...

Ok, off to the chiro.

Upon my return, I had a good look at the egg sac:


And then I thought about all the dissecting in biology classes I did in my youth...

Nice scalpel, eh?

And what was inside?

Wow, that looks just like green cavier!

I wonder if it tastes like cavier...?

And just to add to your heebie-jeebie quotient for the day let me add this: When I got back from the chiro, the huntsman was gone! I searched and searched, but the blokette was nowhere to be found. Full-on spray with spider killing stuff... and she walked away...

Somewhere out there is a really pissed off sheila huntsman who's gunna git me!

Here's a question for those of you who've made it this far (although I think someone in Akron, Ohio left the room screaming quite a while back): Do you think Dingo Dave now knows whether or not huntsman spider eggs taste like cavier? Comments are now open.

Happy Halloween!

30,000 and 70

Hey, aren't those two nice numbers? So, like, just what they heck do they mean, dave? Yes, I'm psychic and "heard" you ask that from around the other side of this here globe we ALL live on.

30,000

Wifey-poo's Birthday is coming up next week. In fact, it's on Guy Fawkes' Night. Which also happens to be election day in the USA. What does 30,000 have to do with all that? Well, last year I got her (us) a nice camera. And now, 51 weeks later, we've clicked off 30,000 pictures. Yeah, we've both gots lots of hard drive storage space...

In honor of that, I shot about 300 pics this morning (I think the 288th pic was the 30,000th but who's counting?) and have some fairly crappy parrot pictures to share with you. Well, no. The pic of the galah was from last week. But all the lories were this morning, no lie!

70

Anybody remember that I said we've got 9 tomato plants this season? And that one of those is a truss? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Well, yesterday when I was watering "my little green friends" I started counting the fruit that has already set on the truss plant. 70. This is gonna be a GREAT tomato(e) season!

On with the birdy pics!

Hmmmmm, perhaps this galah thinks he's Freddy Mercury reincarnated?

I am the One, the only One
I am the God of Kingdom Come
Now gimme the Prize!
Just give me the Prize!


For these next nine pics I'm not gonna be a smartass with snarky captions, nor a dumbass (although I much prefer being the former --you know, that bloke who makes forms?) and I'll just let you enjoy some parroty goodness from my very meagre fotografik scillzz.



















Over and out! I'm off to clean the pool as we had a windy night and there's lots of tree debris in my swimming hole. That and the damn ducks have been around this morning, buggers.

Does Anyone Hate Mondays?

Well, do ya? Cus if you don't like Mondays and you want to tell the whole wide world about it --or at least anyone who happens to swing by your office cubicle-- then I've got just the thing: a po'd galah mousepad!



See? Don't that look cool? That's the one on my desk, but you can get your own on right here:

I Hate Mondays! Quality mousepad from Zazzle

I didn't want to tell anyone about this till I got mine; had to see the quality, dontcha know! *wink* I've also got a calender close to ready, several greetings cards, and all other sorts of parroty goodies!

Hmmmm, what would YOU like to see the parrot pics on? Lemme know, eh?

I must confess that I don't always take good pics. Sometimes they can turn out looking like utter crap. Here's proof that I still need to learn how to use the focus ring:











And I guess I shouldn't brag about my framing skills nor my ability to hold the camera level. Fore-lighting can be a pain too... worse than backlighting...

However, don't despair cus sometimes things work out:



Maybe this bloke has watched too many Simpsons episodes...

You know, Itchy and Scratchy!

and he's got big moths
and she's got big moths
but we've got the biggest
moths of them all!

It's a Cruel World...

Yes, this may come as a surprise to many of you, but life isn't all "wine 'n' roses", "champagne 'n' strawberries", "bread 'n' circuses", "grits 'n' hush puppies"... well, you get the idea.

Once in a while, things go wrong.

Yesterday was one of those days.

It all started out with a bleedin' freezin' mornin' at 530 am. The dang birds were tramping on the roof, screaming like mad, and letting me know that in no uncertain terms that'd better get my lazy ass outside (in the chill antarctic air) and give them their sunflower seeds.

Ok, ok. I found my robe, staggered down the stairs, kicked (tripped over) the cat, fed the little furball, and stumbled outside to meet the day (with all due regards to Johnny Cash's song Sunday Morning Sideways).

Hmmmm, didn't smell fried chicken... but them cockatoos look tasty...

Anyways, I put out some seeds for the little dears, and then I noticed that it was COLD! I mean, like REALLY COLD!

Well, there was only one thing to do and that was to warm up. Fortunately, the pool had held it's heat overnight night (the ice hadn't had time to form) so I tossed down the robe and skinny-dipped.

At 5:30 am

The water was warmed than the air

The exotic, wild, parrots (greedy bastards) were flitting around eating

The sun was rising

Did I mention I was naked in the pool?

See? SEE??!?!?! The sorta things I have to go through! I mean really, when the water is warmer than the air! Sheesh.


Later on that day...

It got even worse! Can you believe it? I mean really, after being forced to skinny-dip in the pool cus that air was colder than the water while watching the parrots f*cking around in the yard, could it get ANY worse?

Well, yes. Of course it could.

See, I had to go to Bunnings Warehouse to get a new hand-held pressure sprayer for the tomato(e) and basil plants (damned caterpillars). Oh, what's Bunnings Warehouse? Imagine a cross between True Value Hardware, Home Depot, and the largest plant and garden centre you can think of, all tucked into a building larger than a Sam's Club.

Yeah, nice place.

Anyways, the isle where the sprayers and hoses were was blocked off cus they were forklifting around pallets of goodies on the isle for 15 mins.

GAWD! The horrors of it all! I was forced, FORCED I TELL'S YA, to have to wander around the garden centre, power tool areas, pool accessory area, power tools, cafe (had a coffee), outdoor BBQ section, timber, power tools, I even had to go outside and get a sausage on a bun from the grill, and finally perused the power tool area. Eventually, they opened up the isle so I could get my pressure sprayer. Most horrid 15 mins of my life! Guys, don't let this happen to you!

But I do feel that I should put up a nice parrot picture for you. After all, isn't that what you come here for? It certainly couldn't be Sarah Palin satire, now could it?



Please note that I kept the camera from getting wet as I was in the pool.

Now, if'n y'all don' mind, I's gonna go take a nap *wink*.

Sarah Palin Hot Tree Sex!

*Since the football game ran late, we join the following show in progress*

...The intrepid papparazzi photographer from Chatanika slowly creeps through the outhouse graveyard in search of the extremely elusive Sarah Palin.

His search is rewarded as he spots Sarah (SP) and Tawd (TP) in a tree!



SP: Taaawwwwwd! Git over here an' give mama sum luvin'!

TP: Ahhh, yore Tawdy's gunna git lucky!




*smack, slurp, drool*





TP: YEE-HA! Yore Tawd's gittin' ready!





TP: Yore Tawd's gunna ride you like muh Ski-Doo!





SP: Doncha know I'm ALWAYS on TOP!





SP: Hey! That wuz quicker'n last time!

TP: I gots a race to git to!

SP: Alright dear, you go win sum more gold for mama!

TP: Yee-ha!

SP: While yore out racin', Ah'm headin' on down to the carwash. Gotta go look me up some, uhhhh, figures with Brad.



And on a totally unrelated note, the morning gang of cockies sure do enjoy their sunrises:

The railing on the upper deck seems custom designed for these buggers.


There are six cockatoos in that pic. Can you find them all?

BTW, for those of you knot from the interior, just google "chatanika" and "outhouse". Good times up there!

Palin's Plotting Parrots Plan Proposed Punitive Punchup Protesting Prolific Progressive Pundit!

Karl Rove: Whisper, whisper, whisper


And now they are hot on the trail!

Sarah Palin: Have you found him yet?

Tawd: No, but the bricks are rank with fear... I can smell it...

Sarah Palin: We're gettin' closer... BWAAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Aaaaaaaannnnnndddd on a totally unrelated note, the cat (LAMOAHS, Prince Bagheera) has gone into hiding against the evil Palinbots:



And on an even more unrelated topic...

Y'all are aware AC/DC is from Sydney, right? Hmmmmm, now where do you think they got the inspiration for one song in particular?

Sarah Palin Caption Contest Weiners!

Yes, I've decided (it's my contest and my blog so I'm in charge!!!) that the Sarah Palin Caption Contest is over.

Everyone who entered gets their choice of a screensaver (windows only, sorry) with 10 images of parrots from this here blog, or their choice of 3 wallpapers of parrot pics sized to fit your screen.

So, like, ummmm, what was the pic? Here it is:


And here are the entries:

From Ishmael
Governess Sarah Palin, center, addresses the second flock of programed Palinbots at the secret clone factory in Australia. The Palinbots will be distributed throughout the countries of the world, wired together through Skynet and controlled from the secret lair of the mysterious Dingo Dave, as he tries to take over the world.

"It's Palin and the Dave, yes Palin and the Dave, one is a genius and one is insane. To prove their birdy worth, they'll overthrow the earth, dinky, they're Palin and the Dave.

Before each night is done, their plan will be unfurled, by the dawning of the sun, they'll take over the world."


From ScienceGuy
Governor Palin at a press conference: "Governer please address the question as to your maverickness."

"I am a maverick, Senator McCain is a maverick, we are all the maverickiest mavericks. Much more mavericky than Obama. Thank you. Maverick.


From The Meerkat
"Global warmin ha! I don believe it. It's COLD in my oil producin state of Alaska. So COLD you don need to shave your armpits, cause no one ever sees em. Check it out!"


From Mel Keegan
Sarah Palin to her starry-eyed, glued-to-her-every-move groupies:

"Wheee, look at me! I'm all white, and don't I look great in this new yellow hat? (I think presidents should wear white, because it goes with the furniture in the oval office!). Let us pay and give thanks:

'Gentle Jesus, Who's so smart
Thank you for this hat; Thou art
So, so kind to think of that --
I love me in this yellow hat.

Amen, y'all.'"


From TundraTantrum
Listen here ladies...I was a virgin on my weddin' night *wink* *wink*....Let me tell ya it was *THIIIIIIIS BIG*, you betcha. That Todd, he was such a maverick.

Aaaannnnnnnnnnd heeeeeeeeerrrrrrre's Dave
This is a direct quote from the most popular book ever written that was not written by a committee; you betcha, doncha know!

"And now at last it comes. You will give me the Ring freely! In place of the Dark Lord you will set up a Queen. And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night! Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain! Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning! Stronger that the foundations of the earth. All shall love me and despair!"

Shall we run a contest to find out who's is best? Hmmmmmmm.... My vote is for TundraTantrum.

Anyways, the five of ya can drop me a line at

alaskandavedownunder(at)gmail(dot)com

and lemme know whether you want a screensaver (trawl through the archives and pick the pics you want) or wallpaper (again, start trawling).

I almost forgot... how's abouts a parroty-type picture?

The cat is way outnumbered!

Conversations with Wifey-Poo

Yes, another thrilling installment of actual conversations that take place down unda betwixt YT (that'd be me... Yours-Truly) and WP (Wifey-Poo). LAMOAHS (Lord And Master Of All He Surveys) is the cat. BIL is bro-in-law.

OT Don't worry, there'll be cool parrot pics with funny captions during this post. {welsh accent}Nobody panic, this is deliberate.{/welsh accent}

The following is actual dialogue, I really didn't make any of this up! Oh, just remember, I'm really good at puns and have a weird scents of humour. And I do gots good gramur cuz muh haigh skool inglisch teetchur lived across the street (no lie).

Oh, wait... this makes more sense if you know that I was a champion fencer back in Alaska --in a galaxy far far away and a really long time ago.

YT: "Well, I'm off!"

WP: *FINALLY* "That's nice, dear. Where are you off to?"

YT: "Headin' up to the garden centre." please note Aussie spelling of centre

WP: *that'll keep him out of my hair for a while* "Oh, wonderful dear!"

YT: "Yup, gonna go practice muy fast-motion black-n-white swordfightin' tekneek."

WP: ...

WP: ..."Ummmmmmmmmm...."

WP: "Haiy?????"

YT: "Well, I do need to get some more Basil."

WP: *sob*

WP: "The sad thing is I now get it... sigh..."

If any of you don't get it, then you really need to watch more Errol Flynn movies and PAY ATTENTION to the cast list.



"Hey, where'd Russia go?"




Later that day...

YT: *glances at computer clock* "Hmmmmm, a bit after 4. Four minutes after, to be exact. Time to get started on dinner prep." *stands up and walks towards kitchen and past a patio door*

WP: *that'll keep him out of my hair for a good hour, whew!* "That's nice dear."

LAMOAHS: "MRROOWW! MEEEEEOOOOOW!" *let me the f*ck outta here, RIGHT NOW!*

YT: *walking past door on way to kitchen* "Sorry cat; 404 door not found!"

WP: *sob*

BIL: *chortle*

Send in your guesses for this pic. Which one is the bloke?