Rantin n Raving, Rootin n Tootin! NSFW --UPDATED

Sh*t

D*mn

F*ck

Bl**dy-H*ll

P**ce-*f-cr*p

M*th*r-F*ck*ng-*s*l*ss-P**ce-*f-Sh*t

As you may have been able to surmise, I'm not a wee happy camper this arvo. But at least I didn't use the "c" word.

Wifey-Poo's d*mned, stupid, useless, p**ce-*f-cr*p, system has been jacking around and it's up to ME --of course-- to fix the f*ck*ng thing. Ok, no worries. Spend most of the day yesterday up to my eyeballs in software cr*p. No joy.

Fine.

Gonna bring the d*mn*d thing back up on factory specs --after spending all morning backing up a terrabit or two of data along with all the d*mn*d program files. *grumble, f*ck, sh*t*

And then just when I'm ready to do the ole format... MORE SH*T HAPPENS! See, BIL is in the final stages of his PHD and he (for some unknown g*dd*mn*d reason) won't hook up printers to his laptop. Since BIL needs the 3 printers 2nite and tomorrow, guess what I have to put on hold?

Yep, the whole f*ck*ng job of fixin' WP's system. Of course I can't use mine either! Why? Cus WP is!

*Now where the h*ll did I put that d*mn*d sledge-hammer?*

Aaaaaaaaand MIL has to have some scrips from the pharmacy today. Guess who has to go get them? Go on, GUESS! Yep, yours truly. Bl**dy-h*ll. I was hoping to do her huge pharm run on Thursday but, as usual, she waits till she's out before telling me.

%*&@##@$@$*$%^%!!!!!!!!!

*insert sounds of hair being torn our here*

This is how I feel RIGHT NOW!



Or maybe like this...



Don't f*ck with me today!




GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!




Sometimes I feel like doing this:




Did you ever want to flip off the whole d*mn*d world?




And since y'all have graciously put up with my cr*p today, I have a pressie for you. It's a picture, of course.




I actually feel much better for typing all this cr*p. Thanks for letting me spew for a bit! And I also feel better knowing that none of the rest of the clan will know what I put in their dinner!

BWUU-HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!

UPDATE: Wifey-Poo and I have put our "gone to hide in woods" plan for the day on hold. Why? Cus BIL is sure to need help today with all three printers and getting driven around to various places today.

Blech.

Turning water into ice using Terragen Basic

As some of my regulars may have surmised, I have not always been down unda in the land of eternal summer, warm water, beautiful beaches, and scantily clad bikini bimbos. And I sure hope Wifey-Poo ain't reading this...

Anyways, I'm from the land of eternal darkness, extreme cold (even in the "summer"), where everyone lives in igloos and dog mushes to work.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I have sort of a passing acquaintance with ice. As in I know what it looks like in various forms and settings. This knowledge naturally leads me, of course, to 3d work.

As in, how the heck to get the water in Terragen Basic ver0.9.43 to look like a frozen over fiord? It's fairly easy to get snow and ice on the ground using various surface mapping layers, but what about freezing the water?

I've even checked out some online galleries to see if anyone else had done --nope. Although I'm sure someone has, I just didn't feel like wasting more than 45 seconds searching.

So I kinda played around with the water on the computer screen to see if I could make the ocean/bay/lagoon look frozen.

Of course I could --duh, otherwise I wouldn't be telling you about it.

I wasn't really concerned with the mountains, snow, clouds, or sun. My main attention was on the water.

Here's what I ended up with. Two pics, one is straight out of Terragen and the other is after I did some post work with Irfanview. Lemme know which one looks better as far as the ice goes, PLEASE!







Just click on each to embiggin them, no worries. For those of you up in "winter wonderland" regions lemme know what you think, ta.

Now for the nuts n bolts of the water settings in case any Terrageners stumble upon this post. Tell you what, how's about I just upload screen caps of the water settings? Much easier than doing a bunch of typing.











Don't worry about a serious post like this becoming a staple (OUCH! It went through my finger!) of this blog as I'll soon be returning you to your regularly scheduled sillyness.

In fact, I've modeled my 3d zombie body with my head on it and am ready to run amok through the corridors and caves of the A.S.S. --Alien Space Ship-- while searching desperately for brains to eat as I was still an undead, brain-eating zombie at this point.

So, like, stay tuned, eh?

Photographic Evidence of an Australian Bunyip!

And here y'all thought them's wuz mythical kreechurs!

Nope. Bunyips do exist. One just has to know where to find them, what their sign looks like, what they like to eat, and what they aren't.

And what they sound like! The sound you are hearing right now is an actual recording of a bunyip. There's the occasional parrot screech, of course, but the low level grunting is the bunyip. I think there were two of them. I, However, was not about to go into the bushes to count the bunyips cuz they are very very deadly and are the reason that koalas climb very high into the trees!

The first thing to finding a bunyip is finding a nice, dense, eucalypt forest. There are plenty of them down here in Australia which probably accounts for the reason they live here.

Just look for something like this:




You now need to look for some bunyip "sign". Their sign looks like giant, spiny, hollow, moose nuggets! Here's one I saw that instantly told me I was in bunyip territory!

The spinyness of the "sign" definitely accounts for why they are always so pissed off.

Next, we needed to set up some bunyip bait!

It's not that bunyips like sushi and champagne in the middle of the woods, but they like the way people taste AFTER aforementioned people have eaten the sushi and drank the champagne!


Of course you have to deal with all the other critters that are attracted to your sushi bait.


Punk-Rocker emus LOVE sushi!


This is not a bunyip. This is an Australian magpie --about the size of an Alaskan raven and very territorial!




And wherever you see eastern rosella parrots you'll be sure to find bunyips as the rosella make a nice appetizer for a juvenile bunyip.




I knew I had to be getting close to a bunyip lair! I noticed these galahs were not looking at me but they were instead looking past me into the bushes behind me!




I was thinking of shouting a warning to this bloke as he sped past me. See, I know for a fact that this path dead-ends and it's in the heart of bunyip country!





I hadn't seen the cyclist for well over 30 minutes when I decided to go investigate. I didn't have to go too far to find the bunyip lair!

Yikes! A lair of the dreaded Australian bunyip!!!!!



I found the bike, a torn jersey, mangled helmet and blood and gore nearby. No pictures of that as I was too busy puking my guts out! Just then, I heard a sound from the lair and turned towards it, camera ready!

And

I

saw

an

actual

bunyip!





I quickly jumped on the bike and high tailed it outta there! I think the only reason why I made it out alive is that the bunyip was quite obviously still digesting the cyclist!

True story! *ahem*

Even truer than my ongoing alien abduction saga, you betcha. *wink*

Alien Abduction Act IX... Alien Ship Identified!

Yes folks! You finally get to learn the identity of the Alien Space Ship that abducted me while I was an undead, lightning-charged, sledge-hammer wielding, brain-eating, Zombie!

I'm not like than anymore. In fact, I'm back to my normal, sane, healthy self! For what THAT'S worth...

Before you get to read about Act IX, can I tell (write) you a few things? Yes? Great.

Firstly, this years' total tomato(e) tally was *drum roll please* 1,287. That's a nice lot of tomatoes I must say. Oh, my ultra-hot chillis are ready to be harvested --always let them not only ripen but start to dry while still on the plant that way they are even spicier.

Nextly, another Thing You Won't Learn About Me By Reading This Blog! I was tagged a while back and I'm kinda doing one thing per post. Perhaps one of my regular readers could let me know when I reach 7? Ta. Here it is: I didn't garden or grow nuthin' back in Alaska. Seriously! For one thing I was too busy working. And I've found out that flora grows very easily down here. Heck, take a dry stick and shove it in the ground, next time you look at it it'll be a full grown apple tree! Easy-peasy!

And the final thing before I turn you over to Act IX, I have some nice rainbow lorikeet pictures for you. 4 of them, in fact.










Please feel free to caption them if you so desire --comments ARE enabled and have always been.

And one more thing: We just had our fall equinox down here (and yes, the moon is upside down here also, too) which means it's now frightfully cold. 90F in the shade, 84 F in the pool, and 118 F in the sun. Sigh, someone wake me when summer comes back, wouldja?

Alrighty! Last we left our hero (that'd be me) I was still a zombie and was being transported up to the alien ship after smashing the pyramid on top of our house with my lightning-charged sledgehammer. I'm sure I don't have to remind you this is a TRUE story.

Oh, I just had a thought! How's abouts a quick photo recap for those who came in late? Don't worry, I'm using smaller sized pics so it should load quick.













There! Everyone knows what is going on now? Good, perhaps you could tell me --just kidding.

As I was approaching the alien ship in the transporter beam I distinctly remember seeing some lettering on the ship. Obviously this must be the ship's name and registration number. I mean c'mon, Gene Roddenberry PROVED that all space ships have the name and rego on them in a language that we can all read! I think right now the US space ships are identified by the drug of choice of the previous prez. At present it's Coke. And before then it was Viagra! And when there's a new prez then the labeling will be changed to Marlboro.

Ok, back to the story...

So would you all like to know the name and rego of this alien ship that abducted me? Since I have a fotografeek memory I just plugged myself into the ole scanner and shot this image into the ole series of tubes:


I reasoned it of course was an abbreviation of Alien Space Ship. Not very imaginative are they?

The rego (aussie slang for car registration number) confused me. In my zombie state I couldn't think of what it may stand for...

C4P-PFP2012??? What in the world could that mean??

But I didn't have time to dwell on it as the transport beam shoved me headfirst into the A.S.S. designated C4P-PFP2012. In my zombie state all I could think about was just how juicy and tasty and HUGE the brains of the aliens must be!

Coming up soon: Act X: onboard the A.S.S.

Tropical Sunset Photo UPDATED

Go ahead and click on it to embiggin it. It's 1024 by 768, made for a 4:3 monitor.





Oops. Forgot to do a bit of post-production cleanup... here ya go, compare to the one above.



Yes, it is 3d. I wasn't going to post it cus I kinda messed up on the clouds (or LACK THEREOF) on the left side of the sky and I put waaaaaaay too much algae on the beach. For those of you in the tropics, you'll notice that the size of the sun is too small for the size of the reflection. But dang did I NAIL those sunset colors! And I got the shore foam of the ocean right this time. Took about 2 hrs to make and 32 minutes to render.

As I said, I wasn't going to post it but Wifey-Poo insisted. She obviously either A) didn't see the errors or B) was stroking my fragile ego.

Personally, I like it when she strokes other things of me besides my ego.

And I'm just about done with the lettering detail on the outside of the alien ship that abducted me so in the next post you'll find out the callsign of the ship!

Alien Abduction Act IX --Promotional Teaser

Yup, we still aren't inside the alien ship. Why not? Well, ummmm, the interior of the ship is still being designed and the 3d of Yours Truly (don't swoon ladies, I'm human) is not done yet. But the aliens are! Except for their leader of course.

To tide you over till the REAL Act IX, I have some stills for you. This first one is the interior of the ship. It's a total 3d environment so you'll get to see how much fun I had as a zombie smashing alien heads and eating their brains.




As I said, it's a full 3d enviro so it'll be loads of fun for us all! My model is already done except for the head mapping. Yes, my head (and the rest of me --use your imagination!) will be all 3d'd. Had to slick the hair back cus hair will be added later, just needed the head shot to get the mapping. Here's a quick screenshot of the process.


Ain't I purdy? I tried to get my best crazed zombie dave expression. How do you think I did?

I also have a present for you for putting up with this story for so long. Just click on the pic below to embiggen it to 1200 by 900. Feel free to use it as wallpaper, no worries.





This is the first time I've tried making 3d landscapes. Not too shabby for a first try. I didn't do any shoreline detailing, still gotta figure that out. And I went with fairly generic clouds too. That image took over 30 mins to render at full size on this ole P4, btw. At 1200 by 900 it's a 4:3 ratio (if you made it past 4th grade mathematics you'd already know that) so it'll fit a standard square screen monitor. Hope you like it.

More soon, I gots to go work on dinner now.

I'm Under Quarantine!

By order of the guvmint of South Oz! Yep, these here premises are officially Quarantined!

*grumble* And the cat just sneezed on my twice now!

This morning some rather nice lads from the South Aus govt rang the doorbell. They were dressed in full body suits, gloves with wrist seals, over boots, THE WORKS! Does anyone remember how them nice guvmint folks were kitted-out in movies like E.T. The Extra-Testicle? Or perhaps you may remember the movie Outbreak with Dustin Hoffman?

Yup, these two were wearing all that stuff!

Anyways, these whole premises and several surrounding neighbors are now all under quarantine.

Hey, I TOLD you I was sick.

I suppose I should entertain y'all somehow. After all, I've got a wee bit of time on my hands here. *harumph*

How's abouts a picture of an edible (doesn't mean tasty) plant? Scottish thistle!




And this could perhaps be the fattest koala in all of Oz --or really preggers




Do you know that koalas can easily hang onto gum tree branches in a windstorm even when they are asleep? Would you like to know how? REALLY big CLAWS!:




And just to prove, once again, to you, my fan club, that I am, of course, the World's Greatest Koala Spotter...



May I enlighten you?




And here's a closeup of the bugga --damn I LOVE this camera!




So, anybody have any guesses as to the nature of the quarantine? Go'an, give it a go mates!

Alien Abduction Act VIII --Photographic evidence!

Yes that's right folks. An outside, independent, third-party source has now verified my completely true Alien Abduction! See, so far the pitcures have been taken by Wifey-Poo. Except, of course, with the notable exception of the latest one where I'm blasting off into space with my sledge-hammer to smash the aliens to bits and eat their brains. That one I had to reconstruct from memory.

*ahem*

The two pictures that I'm putting up today comes to you directly (via me) from a secret Chinese spy satellite! And just how, I hear you ask, did I get my hands on these beauties? Well, as any of you who read the comments can tell, I have frequent contact with my evil Chinese overlords via the comments on this blog. And as a reward for my service they have sent through 2 pictures taken at the time of my true alien abduction.

Would you like to see them?

Of course you would. But you'll have to wait while I mention a Truthful Third Thing About Me That You Can't Learn From Reading This Blog. Yes Ti, I'm gonna milk this tag for all it is worth.

*throat clearing sound*

#3 I know what was the favorite beer of George Washington. Yes, that George Washington. Oh c'mon, you know! General George Washington? First President of the US? Ring any bells with anyone?

Not only that, but I also know the origins of this type of beer and also exactly how it got its name.

I also have George Washington's personal recipe for making "small beer". That means the cheap crap.

I also know the law passed in Massatoochits in 1637 prescribing just how much malt is needed for each quality of brew.

And I did NOT use Ma Google nor the Great Wikipedia. In fact, I didn't use the ole Series of Tubes at all!

Those of you know me, this surely comes as no surprise.

And here's the cool part. I'll tell you. But only if you pay me! Or help spread my fame to the far corners and nether regions of the Blogosphere. So, all my regulars can each send me USD$100 OR promote the heck out of this blog and I'll share the above info.

***********************************************************

Next topic: I'm still infected. 3 weeks and 3 completely different infections. Needless to say, I'm pretty well wiped out --too many schnitzengrubens fed to me from Madelaine Kahn.

And from now on I PROMISE to keep my fly zipped! *ahem*

***********************************************************

Watched The Myth last night. Awesomely good movie. Jackie Chan at his finest! No, not a comedy. I'm not going to write anything about it till at least ONE of you goes and rents it, watches it, and tells me what you think.

Forbidden Kingdom with Jet Li was damned good too.

**********************************************************

And now...

What you've all been waiting for...

*drum roll please*

The secret Chinese spy satellite photos of me being blasted into to space towards the waiting alien space ship!

This first one CLEARLY shows me rocketing upwards from Adelaide, South Australia, Australia, Southern Hemisphere, Planet Earth towards the waiting alien space ship! Please notice Indonesia towards the left of the picture...




Before the evil alien space ship could recloak, it passed under the Chinese spy satellite... Apparantly these aliens paint a picture of their leader on the top of the control dome for their ship. I, however, did not, of course, see the top of the ship so at this point I have NO idea what to expect on board with the exception of their being some wonderful, juicy, tasty brains for me to eat --remember, I was still an undead, brain-eating zombie at this point.





Coming up soon: we learn just who is in control of the alien ship! And zombie dave is chased through the ship!

Wee-hoo!

Is this fun or what?

I feel like dying...

Don't bother calling the ambulance, just go straight for the undertaker.

Ugh.

Double ugh.

Butt I have knot let my loyal reeders down. No sirree! I've been working on the alien spaceship in between naps and delusionally, hallucinatory fits of semi-consciousnessitude.

And the A.S.S. (alien space ship) is looking great! Yes, even in my undead zombie state I still recalled what the ship that abducted me looked like before I ate all their brains.

If you are either knew two this blog ore are really confused, then just start here for the backstory:

Prelude
Act I
Act II
First Intermission
Act III
Act IV
Act V
Second Intermission
Act VI
Act VII

I'm still putting on the finishing touches of the ship but I felt like posting SOMETHING! Especially since know won has guessed which critter left the "sine" nor what the critter was eating. No, I'm not going to repost the pictures of the seed-laced critter crap, just look through the last few posts to find out what the are.

The critter: An emu! This should have been obvious since I've already posted pics of emu crap and identified it for you (hint, it's all about the bouquet, not the flavour).

It was eating: Rose-hips and brambleberries! Again, this would have been obvious if any of you were following my tweets about Wifey-Poo and I going out brambling and rose-hipping.

Really now, doesn't this just scream emu crap with organically processed rose-hips and brambles?





Moving on to more pleasant birdies...

I have a semi-decent picture of an Australian Superb Fairy Wren. These little buggas are small, flighty, and fast. The trick to getting a good picture is to find an area where you hope one of them may come along and then wait quietly. The waiting part can take a wee while but just think of it as kinda like communing with nature...




Quick! Is it a male or a female?

Did you know that the average mass of an adult fairy wren is 9 grams? Yep, pretty light. For those of you still living in the dark ages of measurement (metric is base TEN! Like the number of digits on your hands! Very handy!) and have no idea just how "heavy" 9 grams is, here's what you due.

Go to the kitchen. Put a bit of tap water into a glass. Go to the drawer with your wife's measuring spoons and grab a 1 teaspoon spoon. It'll probably be marked with something like "1 tsp". Now, cup one of your palms (upwards!) and carefully measure and pour 2 tsp of the tap water into your palm. Did you notice the HUGE mass of water in your hand? Well, a fairy wren is less than that by around 11%.

Oh, if you are in Fairbanks and live near the airport or along Chena Pump Road or Rosie Creek road then you only want 1 tsp of water as the water out there is so hard and so full of iron the all the faucets point northwards --at least that's what I've heard.

*********************************************************************

How do I feel today? I feel like I've been shot at and missed, but shit at and hit. Yes, I feel like shit.

Massive sinus, throat and ear infection on left side. And there's a lot of puffiness under my left eye so it looks like I've been in a punchup. I've been od-ing on echinacia, rosehip, vitamin C, and colloidal silver. I'm surprised I haven't turned blue with orange highlights...

And when I haven't been working my fingers to the bone while working on my A.S.S. --alien space ship-- for all of you, I have been doing this:




Almost forgot! I was tagged last post! So hear is the Second Thing About Me That You Won't Find Out About By Reading This Blog...

Ready?

And this is the TRUTH!

Ahem...

I know which direction the toilets in Australia flush in relation to those in the US! And I dare any of you sciencey types in the US to come up with the REAL answer! Bwuuu-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa!

And lastly, I have some pictures of a particular female that likes to hang around the backyard. Yes, Sarah Palin is back down unda!

I have two (count em) pictures of her! Stark naked Sarah Palin! In the first one she flaunts her feminine wares by exposing her Hairy Sarah Palin Armpit! And in the second one Sarah Palin Wanks My Woody!

Oooooo..... This should make for some interesting searches tonight...

Firstly, Sarah Palin showing her hairy armpits!




And here's Sarah Palin Wanking My Woody!

Oh baby, what sharp claws you have!