Thursday, March 04, 2010

I feel like dying...

Don't bother calling the ambulance, just go straight for the undertaker.


Double ugh.

Butt I have knot let my loyal reeders down. No sirree! I've been working on the alien spaceship in between naps and delusionally, hallucinatory fits of semi-consciousnessitude.

And the A.S.S. (alien space ship) is looking great! Yes, even in my undead zombie state I still recalled what the ship that abducted me looked like before I ate all their brains.

If you are either knew two this blog ore are really confused, then just start here for the backstory:

Act I
Act II
First Intermission
Act IV
Act V
Second Intermission
Act VI

I'm still putting on the finishing touches of the ship but I felt like posting SOMETHING! Especially since know won has guessed which critter left the "sine" nor what the critter was eating. No, I'm not going to repost the pictures of the seed-laced critter crap, just look through the last few posts to find out what the are.

The critter: An emu! This should have been obvious since I've already posted pics of emu crap and identified it for you (hint, it's all about the bouquet, not the flavour).

It was eating: Rose-hips and brambleberries! Again, this would have been obvious if any of you were following my tweets about Wifey-Poo and I going out brambling and rose-hipping.

Really now, doesn't this just scream emu crap with organically processed rose-hips and brambles?
critter signs

Moving on to more pleasant birdies...

I have a semi-decent picture of an Australian Superb Fairy Wren. These little buggas are small, flighty, and fast. The trick to getting a good picture is to find an area where you hope one of them may come along and then wait quietly. The waiting part can take a wee while but just think of it as kinda like communing with nature...
male superb fairy wren

Quick! Is it a male or a female?

Did you know that the average mass of an adult fairy wren is 9 grams? Yep, pretty light. For those of you still living in the dark ages of measurement (metric is base TEN! Like the number of digits on your hands! Very handy!) and have no idea just how "heavy" 9 grams is, here's what you due.

Go to the kitchen. Put a bit of tap water into a glass. Go to the drawer with your wife's measuring spoons and grab a 1 teaspoon spoon. It'll probably be marked with something like "1 tsp". Now, cup one of your palms (upwards!) and carefully measure and pour 2 tsp of the tap water into your palm. Did you notice the HUGE mass of water in your hand? Well, a fairy wren is less than that by around 11%.

Oh, if you are in Fairbanks and live near the airport or along Chena Pump Road or Rosie Creek road then you only want 1 tsp of water as the water out there is so hard and so full of iron the all the faucets point northwards --at least that's what I've heard.


How do I feel today? I feel like I've been shot at and missed, but shit at and hit. Yes, I feel like shit.

Massive sinus, throat and ear infection on left side. And there's a lot of puffiness under my left eye so it looks like I've been in a punchup. I've been od-ing on echinacia, rosehip, vitamin C, and colloidal silver. I'm surprised I haven't turned blue with orange highlights...

And when I haven't been working my fingers to the bone while working on my A.S.S. --alien space ship-- for all of you, I have been doing this:
very cute koala

Almost forgot! I was tagged last post! So hear is the Second Thing About Me That You Won't Find Out About By Reading This Blog...


And this is the TRUTH!


I know which direction the toilets in Australia flush in relation to those in the US! And I dare any of you sciencey types in the US to come up with the REAL answer! Bwuuu-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa!

And lastly, I have some pictures of a particular female that likes to hang around the backyard. Yes, Sarah Palin is back down unda!

I have two (count em) pictures of her! Stark naked Sarah Palin! In the first one she flaunts her feminine wares by exposing her Hairy Sarah Palin Armpit! And in the second one Sarah Palin Wanks My Woody!

Oooooo..... This should make for some interesting searches tonight...

Firstly, Sarah Palin showing her hairy armpits!
sarah palin armpit

And here's Sarah Palin Wanking My Woody!
sarah palin wanking a woody
Oh baby, what sharp claws you have!


Karl said...

So the toilets flush INTO the house instead of out? What the hell good is that? I think I'll keep my version...

Dude - get better. With the health thing, too... Seriously.

And we mighta had a party if you had actually been in town - although I can't blame you for runnin' off :) Hi, JJ!

(should we tell him we had a party AFTER he left? - SH, no! Dude!)

Get better, Dave!

captcha def:
vaing - the sound of a large stainless steel spatula glancing off a forehead.

Anonymous said...

喜歡你的部落格,讓人流連忘返 ........................................

Alaskan Dave Down Under said...

Karl: Of course leave it to YOU to be a smartass about the toilet flush thingy. No, I'm not getting better... 3 different infections in 3 weeks... gack. And of course I'm sure you had the party for me after I left! It wasn't aimed at you anyways cus I knew you were very busy. Wifey-Poo waves hi.

打扮 Shouldn't there be a better way for me to secretly communicate with my evil chinese overlords?

Fizzgig said...

do koalas eat people? cus i would probably be one of those douches that gets eaten.

Alaskan Dave Down Under said...

Fozzywig: Koalas only eat eucalypt leaves. In fact they are the only critters that can eat the leaves as the leaves are toxic to all critters. Except to koalas, of course. In their digestive tract they have a very specific bacteria type thingy that breaks down the toxins in the leaves to a manageable form. Also, baby koalas are NOT born with this bacteria, it has to passed onto them from mommy to child via mommy's mammaries.

And they are SOOOOOOOO CUTE!

Anonymous said...

That has got to be a male with that coloration. They are, I believe, also the most sexually promiscuous birds.

Oh, and your Chinese friend seems to be back.

Alaskan Dave Down Under said...

Yup, he be a bloke. Pretty guy too. They were thought to be promiscuous but new research show otherwise. I'll be explaining it in my next post since I have time now that I am under a strict government quarantine.

And it has NOTHING, I say NOTHING to do with any Chinese spy satellites.