Whoopsie! Sorry about that mates, there's a tie-poe in the title. It should be "The Grapes of Frank".
Me neighbor (lives right next door) has a nice country property over the border in VIC (but I don't hold that against him mind you) and on that property in Victoria he has quite a few acres of "stuff" growing.
The typical "stuff" that is grown frequently in Oz.
No, not that.
No no, the other thing.
Ah, yes! You figured eighted it out!
GRAPES
As in, lots n lots n LOTSA grapes.
Every year around harvest time he brings a few kilos over to share with his friends. And neighbors. Apparently I'm in both categories as it may have something to do with me removing some viruses from his son's computer that he (the dad, not the son) contracted whilst perusing "those" sites befour his son or wife had a chance to find out his surfing habits. Ahem.
Anywhos, 3 days ago (that would be Wednesday local Oz time) Frank bangs on me door with around about 7 kilos of grapes. Fresh off his vines! He picked them the day before and brought em over for me (ummm, I mean for US of course --in case Wifey-Poo is reading this). Yes, he has the proper permits and there are no fruit fly probs with his crops.
I thought I'd be kind and show you a picture of the haul of GRAPES. Unfortunately I didn't take a picture till 3 days later (couldn' take pics, wuz too busy eating grapes) so the 7 kilos or so has diminished "slightly" in mass and volume.
Butt here's a pic for you anyways and remember to get the latest software app upgrade witch allows you to ackshuallee smell and taste them! If you aren't sure if you have the upgrade then just sniff and lick your monitor (preferably when your office coworkers aren't watching!)
Butt befour we get to this particular chapter in my completely true Alien Abduction story, I think it's best if I actually put up a few pics (and maybe even a video!!!) of some Aussie critters.
Why, you ask? Cuz it's been a while since I have, that's why! Or didn't any of you notice? No? Perhaps that's because I haven't been as much of the prolific posting personality as I used to be?
Well, whatever the reason, I shall now just shut up and show you some pics of Little Corella Cockatoos!
Obviously that morning was pretty overcast. Hey, we do sometimes see clouds down here! Those little corellas were part of a slightly larger flock:
And that was about a tenth of the flock!
Some of you may know (or knot) that when you get a fairly sizable group of birds together that they like to talk amongst themselves. Well, parrots are no different!
Would you like to know what the sound of a flock of little correllas sounds like at 7:00 AM?
Would ya?
Woodja woodja woodja?
Of course you would. But first you have to make sure your computer sound volume is turned to maximum as you want to make sure the whole office building or subdivision can share in your joy at hearing these bird.
Now on with my true alien abduction story! With everything recreated by Yours Truly (don't swoon ladies, I'm human!) with his awesomely perfect photographic memory! Yes, this is what REALLY happened! *wink*
In case you missed some earlier acts due to hanging out in the lobby chatting up the sheila or bloke behind the popcorn counter or perhaps toking up in the bathroom, here's a quickie recap!
Note: some of my astute readers may recognize the following paragraph verbatim from Act XII but I don't mind plagiarizing myself!
Yes, it's time for another installment in the completely, 100% true story of my alien abduction. Don't you remember? This was after I died after cutting myself shaving with a meat cleaver in the pool and was then brought back to an undead, brain-craving, zombie state from a lightning strike and then was transported up to the A.S.S. (Alien Space Ship) cus I struck the pyramid on top of my roof with my lightning-charged sledgehammer and was then transformed into an undead, brain-eating, hulking beast with a club roaming the cave-like corridors of the A.S.S. that had the rego number of C4P-PFP2012.
Whew! And just in case any of you need sausage lynx to the previous acts...
Now for a very brief picture recap! After which you'll get to see (and read) Act XV!
And here are some of those great, full-sized NON-PHOTOSHOPPED pics!
This one is from the passing, cloaked, Chinese spy satellite.
And here's one the Russians took from the ISS!
This is the one where I distinctly remember seeing the rego number on the A.S.S.
And remember, the Chinese spy satellite got a pic of the TOP of the A.S.S. too, also.
You may remember that after I materialized inside the A.S.S the aliens then activated some sort of hologramaphic device that changed the corridors to caves. I distinctly remember charging through the caves and encountering this sign:
I quickly hung a left (me being rather left-leaning) and as I charged down the cavern the rock walls changed back into the actual, real corridors of the A.S.S. However, I was still my lightning-charged, zombie-ized, club-wielding, brain-eating undead self. Fortunately, my body had retained it's original, studly self!
Now begins Act XV of my TRUE Alien Abduction!
Whilst charging down the corridor onboard the A.S.S. in search of alien brains to eat as I was still in my zombie state, I passed through several doors that opened and closed automatically as I raced towards what I hoped was the control room of the A.S.S. so that I could eat some tasty alien brains and just hopefully find an escape pod to get back to Oz and perchance find a way to get back to what passes for normal for me.
*Isn't that an awesomely great sentence from Yours Truly (don't swoon ladies, I'm human!) that I typed all by me oneses and Wifey-Poo (Most Wonderful Woman In The Entire World) tells me is actually grammatically correct?*
Just as I was beginning to think the A.S.S. with the rego number C4P-PFP2012 (remember kiddies, Gene Roddenberry proved that all space ships have rego #'s painted on the outside in English!) was totally deserted, I arrived at a pair of doors that hopefully led to the control and some tasty alien brains... and the door was GUARDED!
By aliens!
Imagine my surprise as my zombie self became the first Earthling to come face to face with REAL aliens!
Just
imagine
the
shocked
look
on
my
face!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Yeah, I'm quite sure I looked EXACTLY like that!
And what did I see in front of me?
Glad you asked mates!
And now we finally get to see what the alien guards who are guarding the door which may or may not be an entrance to the control room look like!
Are you ready?
Are you sure?
As you can tell, this is about to get... shall we say... Interesting?
Stay tuned for Act XVI as more silliness comes your way from the merry old land of Oz!
Yes folks, my memories of my time aboard the Alien Space Ship (A.S.S) are starting to come back to me in much more better and fuller colour than ever! Well, a new computer and new 3d software helps too... sorta, kinda.
I'm sure that my long time readers will remember the first 13 acts of my abduction; How I died, came back to life as a lightning-charged, sledgehammer-wielding, brain-eating zombie, was transported up to the A.S.S. and am now roaming the A.S.S (rego number C4P-PFP2012) looking for alien brains to eat. Right?
Oh, you mean some of you just may have forgotten? No worries mates, lemme give you the links to the whole story up till now!
At this point as I charge from the signpost in the caverns (holograms, remember) towards what I was hoping was the control room I noticed a change occuring in my surrounds.
The cavern faded and was replaced by what was obviously an A.S.S. passageway, the lighting became more subdued, the stalactite I was carrying became more defined and I became even more studly looking than before! (Ain't new 'puters great?)
And with that I continued to charge towards the control room of the A.S.S.!
It has come to my attention that I just may, just MAYBE, might've left one or too loose ends hanging around this ole bloggie thingy.
Butt, four at least won of them, there is a guud reazin!
*Psst! Mind-Controlling Evil Alien Abductors to Dipshit dave: CAN THE STUPID SPELLIN' CRAP NOW!*
Do I seriously need to remind all my legions of loyal readers that I was abducted by aliens a while ago? For those of you who know me, this will come as absolutely no surprise and will probably explain a great many things about Yours Truly (don't swoon ladies, I'm still human!)
Did anyone notice that approximately eight hundred eighteen thousand six hundred forty-three minutes ago (but who's counting?) that the completely 100% TRUE story of my alien abduction was aborted after Chapter XIII was filed?
Would the one or two of you who noticed the stoppage like to know just exactly why the story stopped abruptly? Wouldja wouldja wouldja??????
It was because of a computer crash. As in seriously, hugely DEAD!
Obviously Wifey-Poo (The Most Wonderful Woman In The Entire World) went straight out and got me a new one (computer, that is) and over the next few days I rescued as much data off the dead hard drive as I could.
And then "other things" started to happen. No, the aliens didn't return and I was not turned back into the lightning-charged, sledgehammer-wielding zombie I had been during my abduction. It was just "stuff".
I also (this is the important part!!!!!!!!!!!) was not able to rescue my dsb daz3D files that contained some rather pertinent information regarding just how I looked whilst I was aboard The Alien Space Ship (henceforth called The A.S.S.).
Fortunately through the miracle of modern technology and some rather late night 3D doodling by Yours Truly (don't swoon ladies, I'm human!), I was able to completely replicate just exactly how anatomically correct I looked whilst on board The A.S.S.
And not only do I look like I really did, I was able to recreate all the A.S.S. hallways, lighting, windows, controls too! And also too what they looked like!!!!
So everyone puh-leez stay tuned for Alien Abduction Chapter XIV, Charge of The Heavy Brigade! Coming soon to a blog near you.
Now that both Wifey-Poo (The Most Wonderful Woman In The Entire World) and Yours Truly (that'd be me, don't swoon ladies I'm human) both have 'puters that'll run the latest version of this software, I decided to download the trial version earlier this arvo.
And I just had to of course play with it a bit as I was playing in the kitchen.
I'll just put up a few renders and I'm sure you will be able to figure out what software it is.
The sky is not a backdrop pic and zero post-render work was done.
Not sure what I'll do with this, just monkeying around this arvo and thought I'd share. Please click on it to view it full size, the detailing is primo!
Yes indeedy mates! I know it's been a while since we've had a picture caption contest here, so we may as well have one now!
I'll be putting the picture up via whatever service blogger uses now, along with the flickr pic so hopefully one of them will load for you.
My caption is this: Ah, excuse me sir but it appears that Planet Ulkhurr has installed a brand new, state-of-the-art defensive mechanism and I do believe it's trying to tell us to kindly bugger off!
Of course, that caption just might make a wee bit more scents if you actually saw the picture. Right?
Just scroll on down to have a squizz at the pic, then feel free to come up with your own caption in the comments, no worries.
Me? I'm good, no worries. Getting nice and tanned even though it's been a blood-well cold winter here in South Oz!
I tell's ya, if'n I ever find that b*tch named La Nina she'd better watch out!
I mean seriously here it is Christmas Eve and it's only 97 degrees Fartenheights in the shade! Phht! If it doesn't warm up soon then I may go loopy! Loopier than usual that is of course.
And the pool! Crikey mates, it's never been this cold even in winter! The other day I jumped in, big mistake mates!
As my frigid frozen body was starting to rise to the surface face first, Wifey-Poo snapped a photo of the event!
Wouldja like to see the foto? Of course you would. I shall therefore indulge you...
Cold I tells ya mates, COLD!
*insert scene change here as dave's brain blows it's last remaining fuse*
So happy holidays to everyone and I hope that you all have a great 2012!
Don't worry, there will be a post betwixt this one and 2012, no worries.
Dang do I have some seriously loose blogends posts to finish up! Oof, just may be time!
And if'n any of you kiddies don'ts gets nuthin', then here's da reason why:
Guess what everybody? C'mon, GUESS!
tick
tock
tick
tock
...
Time's up.
Someone has finally accepted my standing invitation to visit! That young bloke from North Pole. Lives in a place called Santa Claus House. Nice digs too. Mrs Claus makes a mean cuppa, lemme tell ya.
Anyways, back when I was in Alaska I told Santa that he's more than welcome to come visit anytime. Perchance just before Christmas to give him a chance to unwind before the big night.
Well, he took me up on the offer this year.
I tell ya, it's a good thing I've been making extra homebrew for these holidays cus that guy sure can put them away.
See what I mean:
We were having a jolly ole time. Trading stories about the north and what not. When that guy gets a few into him ALL the dirt comes out about Rudolph, the other reindeer and all the elves.
I started to get a little bit concerned after a few hours as he showed no sign of letting up on the imbibing.
I was getting worried since it was only 2 pm and he'd gone through a case in only 2 hours.
Let the damn elves deliver the pressies to the brats this year!
How many chillis did you put in this beer?
By now I was getting very concerned for Santa's wellbeing. Perhaps the strain of his job finally got to him?
Remember to tell your kids that if Santa doesn't visit this year that it's NOT because they've been bad. It's because Santa has been bad!
Yes, no scents at all in putting this post off. I've been putting it off for almost 7 weeks now as I've had a hard time finding the words.
Firstly, this has NOTHING to do with the fact it's my five-th hundredth post.
Secondly, I am not giving up blogging.
Thirdly, the reason why you haven't heard from me for a while is that whilst I was formulating a post regarding the compleat historonics and history of The Alaska Foods Co. here in South Oz, a very bad thing happened.
My dad died.
He only made it to 68. He had been in his new retirement house in sunny, warm (compared to AK) NC for barely 14 months.
I have so many wonderful memories of my father and I've been trying to figure out a way to weave them all into a tribute post to dad. There are too many. I can't. I'm not a gifted wordsmith (yes, some of you may have noticed that yonks ago) and as the thoughts and memories of my dad careen through me wee little brain they leave no trace for my fingers to track.
You may therefore expect various stories and thoughts about my dad peppered throughout blog posts at whenever I feel like it.
I used to drive my dad's freight truck in Anchorage so he could take his entire summer off and sail around Resurrection Bay and Prince William Sound. But that's all a story for another time...
My dad was superman. If you don't believe me then just check this out. It is a four (4) part story of my dad (that'd be superman) rescuing his entire family (mom, me, brother).
As words are failing me, I shall leave you with some pictures of my dad and the brood. I'm sure you can guess the only one of the pictures that is NOT 40 years old.
I'm the short one in this pic btw.
Any longtime Alaskans recognize that shirt and what it means?
